Clearing Out

[tsuki]

@mandyjw I guess that when the ox is finally tamed and driven back home, there is no difference between ego and awareness. For now, it feels so much better to feel love, connection and freedom rather than the other end. 

[mandyjw]

@tsuki I know, right? It almost makes what happens with the ox over time inconsequential. That's the secret. 

[mandyjw]

This question that Eckhart answers here seems so simple, but this attempt of the mind to cut in keeps occurring, for me recently it comes in the form of "but IT WAS SO SIMPLE how did you not see that?" The mind also cuts in to make me feel downright awful about how I had been living my life unconsciously, forming stories and self concept over time of how I've been such a monster. The courage to see the truth is love and feels amazing but the mind will rob it of that and use its newfound insights against it in the form of self judgement. I've never seen so clearly before how even in practice, truth and love are ONE. 

6:00 in, his laugh is hysterical. 

So now having said that I'm going to enter into dangerous ground.

I don't really like the woman in this video. There's something off. 

Why is that? 

Well, she really wants to a be good person. Isn't that beautiful? (I think I'm supposed to think it's beautiful.)

DOES SHE want to be a good person, DOES SHE? NO!!!! She wants to see herself as good! She is the devil!!! 

Ok, so what happened here, why is she the devil? Why the judgement? You are judging her for wanting to be a good person, the same thing you've done all your life. Is it possible that, now you've seen that the only thing keeping you from being good is the need to see yourself as good, that the desire to be good is truly LOVE. That it's Good?

Just look at the mental gymnastics that are occurring here. Pretty fucking spectacular if I say so myself. Now I'd like to identify as the Devil now, and rebel against God? Why, the further you go does it seem like the ground is so fertile for devilry, or whatever you want to call it? Is it that the closer we get to to core, the more digging we do in the self conscious (not digging but allowing to to bubble up and be seen), the more powerful the backlash that comes can be? What happens when the mind hijacks the concept of Self Love and turns it into a need for superiority? What if... it only started its journey to kill itself, to fully love other people because all along it wanted to be superior? To see itself as good?

The only conclusion I can come to is that spiritual people are the worst devils of all. How could it be otherwise? This is truly none other than digging into the very core and being and belief of the devil himself. When self referential judgement is gone there will be no devil. No self. You are the devil. 

In other words, your desire to be good is Good. 

I don't have any more thoughts to think about that. 

 

[mandyjw]

Oh wow, all that came out of/ties in perfectly with my husband's newest dream board vandalism. 

"Be a good person." Right under my very explicit material/monetary wishes. How very fucking stage green of him, I thought.  

[tsuki]

The only way to be good is to feel good.

[mandyjw]

I've noticed there seems to be two different ways of pointing to this. One is exactly what you said, the other is more like this,

16 minutes ago, tsuki said:

The only way to be good is to feel good.

They both say or point to the same thing. Meditation, acceptance, feeling good all blends together. 

The difference is that some people think using the word "good" already implies judgement. 

What's wrong with this statement? "Judgement is bad."  

Edited February 28, 2020 by mandyjw

[tsuki]

Just now, mandyjw said:

What's wrong with this statement? "Judgement is bad."  

Hmm...  It feels bad to think that.

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Hmm...  It feels bad to think that.

 Quick learner! So quick that it's as if you already "knew" it! 

[tsuki]

I started wondering about something related to the asymmetry of reality in relation to:

27 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

What's wrong with this statement? "Judgement is bad."

I wonder if saying that something is good is a judgement? I think not!
Maybe it feels bad to say "Judgement is bad" because "is bad" is a lie?
That is why all judgments, understood as "is bad" feel bad?

Now I'm even questioning whether "feels bad" is a judgement or not.
If "bad" is a feeling as expressed in "feels bad", then it is not a judgement.
But saying that "I have a bad feeling" is a judgement, huh? As if some feelings were bad somehow.

[mandyjw]

@tsuki Yes!

I guess the purpose of judgement of feeling (I don't know if you can even call it that, or if I should just say "feeling" because what IS feeling really?) is to be conscious of our desire to feel good. It leads us straight to what we want most/already are. But in a lot of cases or all of our cases if we find ourselves here at actualized.org, the judging mind has to SEE/understand this and be on board with it. Is this the purpose of insight? Where feeling meets mind? The judging mind has incredible potential for creation if it leads itself to its source of power rather than cutting itself off from it.

[mandyjw]

One of the most pervasive problems I have had with my business is terrible communication with customers. I hate responding to questions, compliments, anything.  I leave messages unanswered and guilt myself for it rather than just responding. I guess it's because I over think what I say so much. 

Last night we got a note from our son's teacher about work he had to make up and my husband responded to it in tiny pencil writing that he fit it on the same note. I thought what he said sounded really rude and blaming to teacher, so I just removed the entire note without telling him, thinking I could avoid the problem entirely that way.  This morning in a rush to get the kids off to where they need to be, my husband found the note which was bright pink and tried to put it back in the backpack. Under the stress of the moment I exclaimed how rude what he wrote was and he slammed the door. 

He ended up staying home sick and I tried to explain to him that he needs to take the time to make his intention clear to the teacher, to say that that was the conversation he had with our son, and that's what our son felt about it. I felt like the note implied that he was blaming her for our son's feelings, not simply stating a fact. "It's not like talking to engineers at work and simply stating facts, you're talking to a WOMAN!" I said. 

So how does this reflect back upon my business and problems responding to customers.... 

Luckily I've figured out ways to apologize without saying sorry. Made him some hot cocoa. 

 

Edited February 28, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.”
— Rumi

"The point of creation is the launching of the alignment for the exhilaration that it brings. It's all about the feeling that it's 100%. That's all creation is about, the feeling that it brings to you. The manifestation that matters most is the manifestation of emotion, and you have the ability to manifest the emotion before you manifest any of the actuality that you are all so eager about manifesting." -Abraham Hicks

"I like knowing that I can't get it wrong. I like knowing that this is all for fun. I like knowing that I'm getting to do this and that the entire universe is cooperating to show me what I've got going on vibrationally." -Abraham Hicks

"We are all love looking for a place to happen. We are all clarity looking for a place to happen." -Abraham Hicks

 

Why is having a self concept so unsatisfying? Why do thought that don't feel good generally require the conjuring of a self concept?  Because they're untrue and imply a threat that is not there?

Today I feel very even keeled or good, except physically I don't feel good because I have a sinus thing and a bad cough. I can turn illness into a self concept and focus on the illness and feel bad that I can't do I think i should be able to because I'm ill. Or I can say own spirituality and law of attraction and tell myself that I attracted this illness and don't want it and take responsibility/ownership for it, all that requires a self concept and feels bad. 

Lately I've been fascinated with/contemplating famous people and entertainment. Artists are people who feel freely, at least in their art, and present it without a care of what anyone else thinks. Many struggle with mental illnesses, addiction, depression. Vocalizations and dance moves are judged as strange and easy fodder for people to make fun of. Yet they are deep expressions of feeling, that dare others to feel. People love their art, they are famous for their bravery even though it may be polarizing. I'm still fascinated with this music video, and I love how it includes the reactions of onlookers in the city. 

It makes me wonder how some artists react against those who aren't accepting, if they cut themselves off to protect their vulnerability using anger and defiance. In needing another to recognize your power, you have no power, so how could you expect it to be recognized? It makes my mind go to the subject of feminism, that there seem to be two approaches, anger and defiance, or accepting and feeling that one is inferior. I have felt the back and forth of both, neither of which feels good, most of my life. The power was never taken from me, apart from me, it was never what I thought it was.

 

Edited February 29, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

There can be no movement without a point of reference. There can be no point of reference without a self. 

Or only movement. Love is alive, a metaphorical river of conciousness/creation. Movement and stillness each require a self, a point of reference. 

Yesterday I laid down in front of Dr.P's monument and looked at the sky. It was windy and the clouds were moving. It looked like the clouds were still and the tree branches moving and so it felt like I was moving with them. 

There's no point of reference. 

[mandyjw]

THERE'S NO POINT OF REFERENCE! Goddamn. 

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?

NO?! 

Exactly. 

Feels like absolute freedom. 

Why does this feel so big?

Because you were assuming a you and a point of reference. That was duality itself. Always occurring in ONE movement of non-motion. 

WHERE'S THE CENTER OF A CIRCLE? It's an arbitrary point, the point creates a new circle itself, another conceptual circle and will ad infinitum!!!!  The real center doesn't exist!!!!! 

You ARE the center of the universe! YOU ARE NOT!!! 

[mandyjw]

A sphere is perfectly symmetrical, and has one surface that cannot be seen in it's entirety from any point. Why is it assumed that a sphere has a center??? How could any point be the center? It's like explaining the big bang by telling kids that all matter was packed into a dot smaller than the period at the end of this sentence. 

I remember staring at the period at the end of that sentence in high school and being like. what. the. actual. fuck? 

Sure, we'll just assume that there's a center! SURE! LET'S ALL JUST GO WITH THAT! I MEAN, WHAT COULD HAPPEN? When you assume you make an ass out of u and me. Or you just make a u and me. 

What's the "center" of numbers? Zero? At least a 0 has a hole right through the center. 

Edited March 1, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Something grabs at my heart more than anything. There is no sane...there is no mental illness. There is no addiction. There are self concepts and infinite illusory judgments and self created points of reference. There is only infinite love and joy. This is what I came to see, to be, to teach. 

There is no individual, everything is collaboration. I always had a deep desire to work with people and somehow turned it into an ideal of independence and alone, scared of it. Carefully watching the thoughts and feelings that arise in this area as this desire unfolds and consumes what I thought was my life.

Paradise, clarity, LOVE, that's all my life is, give and receive, it's all One. 

[mandyjw]

Still contemplating spheres, circles and eye balls, the blind spots in the eye, how the mind fills in the gaps, and no "point" of focus, how the eye "sees", how light enters a hole in the middle, how it's as if there's a hole right in the middle of reality, as if everything is a peripheral illusion, how there's a screen that's not there, all just amazes me that there's no "I", no ground, no point of reference, however you want to word it and how everything points to it and AWAY from it at the same time. The eye both sees and is blind simultaneously. 

Thoughts come up that don't feel good and knowing that there is no point of reference is sufficient to bring the mind back to the body without telling it to. What is a body? Is it a point of reference outside of thought? Or periphery when felt?  Is it the ultimate stick that burns itself up Ramana Maraharshi talks about, in more ways than one?

 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw

10 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Thoughts come up that don't feel good and knowing that there is no point of reference is sufficient to bring the mind back to the body without telling it to. What is a body? Is it a point of reference outside of thought? Or periphery when felt?  Is it the ultimate stick that burns itself up Ramana Maraharshi talks about, in more ways than one?

What are you trying to do here? Are you trying to bring yourself back to YOURSELF when you're lost in thinking, or not feeling good based on the story you're telling yourself?

[mandyjw]

@Raptorsin7 Who, what, when, where? It's just referring to entering a a meditative state after getting lost in thoughts that don't feel good, ie involve and imply an I, or a point of reference. I believe that what is missed so often is that the self or the I is not the only point of reference, and unconsciousness persists, not seeing that it IMPLIES the "I" when it thinks other thoughts. It's so subtle that surrender to feeling ie meditation is the only way it can be brought into awareness.