You ever just not know what to say?

[Kushblow]

I don’t know if this is just a stupid thing it may seem like one but it actually goes pretty deep for me. It runs in my family a lot. 

[Skanzi]

I don't know what to say to this... 

Sorry, couldn't resist . Yeah it sometimes happens to me too. I think sometimes a silence is required for letting a new high-quality answer arise. Many people however tend to want to fill this silence with nonsense because they lack sensitivity. You could learn to go on speaking forever and ever but what you say won't necessarily have more quality to it

[AlterEgo]

I've had this problem throughout my life. Then I get my mind more riled up by thinking 'think of something to say.  This silence is so fuckin awkward!'

 

Only recently have I become more free and spontaneous.   Just saying whatever comes to mind without trying to pre-judge how the other person will react to it.  Letting go of having a certain outcome set in mind.  Outcome independence.

[Kushblow]

Does anyone actually have anything to say tho?

[Commodent]

It's generally hard to know what to talk about when you have limited information about the other person. So I feel like, that is the best time to ask questions!

[Kushblow]

@Commodent well that’s the problem too cuz what kind of questions? 

[Commodent]

Get creative Is there something you want to know about the person? E.g. do you share any common values/interests? What are their passions? Or, is there anything about yourself that you want to share? I've noticed some introverted types prefer you to do all the talking.

To deal with anxiety, try breathing deeply and act like you have everything you need.

It might feel fake, but remember that it always feels fake when we are changing our behavior. In a sense, fear of fakeness is there to mantain homeostasis of the personality.

[universe]

Silence is a nice alternative to talking

[DrewNows]

 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Theres always something to say, but if you dont have a calm and still mind you will feel blockages, you have to be fully present with the other person/people and not be in fear of what they think of you if you say the “wrong thing”. All that matters is you consciously analyze what you want to say and it lives up to your own standards. This usually instantaneously happens in the mind, if I you tap into creativity of the moment. Shouldnt feel forced.

Edited October 6, 2019 by TrynaBeTurquoise

[Kushblow]

Good stuff guys but this is indeed an up issue that unfortunately runs deep in my family. I just don’t know how to be. Ya know? It’s hard for me to be chill around people 

[pluto]

I have yet to experience this phenomenon Although sometimes when words are useless i use telepathy or the silent treatment

[universe]

On 6.10.2019 at 8:42 PM, Kushblow said:

I just don’t know how to be. Ya know? It’s hard for me to be chill around people 

 

Have you tried relaxing your body?

 

Do that and then if you still want to be able to speak more do this.

1. Use the "Sedona Method" to release your need for validation, control and protection. These needs block you the most from talking.

2. Practise chain of associations. Do the practise in your head, on paper or even better talking to yourself. Leo talks about it in his "How To Be Funny" video. This will help you to speak without filters.

[Smurfinstein]

I don't *think* this is quite what you're talking about, but...

I used to always know what to say/have something to say. I'm a communicator by passion and by trade, and definitely still ALWAYS know what to say to clients, in interviews, etc.

As I do this work, I am finding more and more inter-personally that I've just really lost the drive to have a thing to say. It's coming up the most with my soon to be ex-husband. He'll call and unload all kinds of details about his day, and I'm just like... flat. It's not even an "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" thing, it's just like... "Well, those were certainly all words. Thank you for sharing." Like, what do I say? Why need I say something? It's an observation of how much I carried the relationship by feeding his needs vs holding my own... and, like, "You've given me nothing here that needs my input.. I'm an unnecessary part of this exchange" (except that he needs my "prod" to keep going on and gets incensed if he doesn't get it.) So, I find myself going back to "I hear you... Gotcha... Seen..." but, really, that's all I was "asked for" (if even that.) It's been an interesting observation to have that need to have a thing to say just completely.... go away. Like, it's just simply not there. So now it takes effort to suss out how to let him feel seen and heard but also subtly telescope that I wasn't really ever part of the conversation in the first place anyhow, so aside from having a pair of ears, why am I here?

[Kushblow]

@pluto How does telepathy work? I was taking a piss next to my brother and a random guy at a restaurant and it felt like I was communicating using telepathy somehow

[MAYA EL]

On 10/5/2019 at 9:37 AM, Kushblow said:

Does anyone actually have anything to say tho?

In order to resolve the situation (in my opinion/ experience) is to still the mind stop all the chatter and also rise above your concept of yourself

in other words if everybody says little Timmy doesn't know what to say and you've heard that your whole life then guess what you believe that everybody looks at you as Little Timmy that can't talk but if you can let go of the image of the world forces you to carry and truly believe that you are bigger than it and that nothing can shake you loose from your belief and that when people say something to you to try to rile you up instead of instantly replying stare at them while you think up  a good answer for as long as it takes and if you can't think of anything tell them I don't know what to say to you right now in this very moment and because emotion seems high I would prefer to wait to tell you anything therefore I will give you my response at a later time. Rather that be one day  one week week doesn't matter.

 

It's rough at first but once you keep handling situations like that people value your response much better and some of them end up dreading your response because you were able to answer the question with a cool head and in doing so dominated the conversation and ironically enough this will eliminate 90% of the conflicts you have