Stood up for myself, cried, almost fainted, glad I did it.

[Sartanion]

21 male, try not to judge me please.

For the longest time, I wasn't able to confront people directly when insulted or called out, i'll leave out the reasons, but that resulted in years of bullying. I've learned a lot of techniques (added irony, laughter, ... but I was never able to confront people directly.

Today, a bus driver insulted and humiliated me in front of a lot of people so I thought "I'll give it a shot.", waited for others to step out of bus and then confronted him, wanted an apology between four eyes. Well, that was the plan.

It seems that trying to stay cool while directly confronting someone intimidating is way harder than getting angry and shouting. In the middle of my "trying to compose myself", I almost started crying and my legs were shaking the whole time.

I didn't get an apology and "lost" the confrontation, but you have no idea how glad am I that I did it.

Now I think I know what I need to do in the future so to move forward with personality development - of course not argue with everyone, but stand up fot myself when needed even when risking to cry, so I get accustomed to it step by step.

 

After I do, I will have the luxury to go back and being able to chose from the right method of solving the situation or not reacting at all, knowing that I can defend myself, but I don't have to. (Maybe similar to Jungian integration of shadow?)

Thanks for feedback!

 

[Leo Gura]

Good job. An example of facing your fears head-on.

[Austin Actualizing]

The more you stand up for yourself, the easier it gets. Well Done

[Commodent]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Good job. An example of facing your fears head-on.

I remember being in the mindset of always facing my fears head-on, but that didn't really work out for me. I would put myself in situations that I found very scary, which led to overwhelm. I would then feel incapacitated and unable to act rationally and clear-minded, which made the whole thing doomed to fail from the beginning. And thus my fears would be reinforced.

The past year or so I have made more the habit of giving a bit more into avoidant feelings, and face my fears when I know I can handle it (despite it being uncomfortable). And now I actually succeed and I'm able to resolve the fears, because I have a calm baseline to fall back onto. Funny thing is, I had to face the fear of giving into avoidant feelings, because I was always pushing myself to the point of overwhelm. Which would sabotage my attempts to resolve my fears. Facing my social anxiety head on and always being social didn't really work out (and I did that a lot). Spending LOTS of time in solitude and away from other people, saying no to party invitations etc. is what worked for me, weirdly enough. After some time, it's almost as if I "forgot" the anxiety.

I don't really want to get in an argument or dismiss OPs approach. He's doing good. But I wish I had known back then that avoiding things is okay. Everyone keeps saying you gotta push through your fears all the time and just go, go, go. But chances are you're just gonna get re-traumatized if you push yourself to the point of overwhelm and never give yourself some space to calm down in your day-to-day life.

[Matt8800]

18 hours ago, Sartanion said:

21 male, try not to judge me please.

For the longest time, I wasn't able to confront people directly when insulted or called out, i'll leave out the reasons, but that resulted in years of bullying. I've learned a lot of techniques (added irony, laughter, ... but I was never able to confront people directly.

Today, a bus driver insulted and humiliated me in front of a lot of people so I thought "I'll give it a shot.", waited for others to step out of bus and then confronted him, wanted an apology between four eyes. Well, that was the plan.

It seems that trying to stay cool while directly confronting someone intimidating is way harder than getting angry and shouting. In the middle of my "trying to compose myself", I almost started crying and my legs were shaking the whole time.

I didn't get an apology and "lost" the confrontation, but you have no idea how glad am I that I did it.

Now I think I know what I need to do in the future so to move forward with personality development - of course not argue with everyone, but stand up fot myself when needed even when risking to cry, so I get accustomed to it step by step.

 

After I do, I will have the luxury to go back and being able to chose from the right method of solving the situation or not reacting at all, knowing that I can defend myself, but I don't have to. (Maybe similar to Jungian integration of shadow?)

Thanks for feedback!

 

@Sartanion Good job! This is how one mindfully builds inner strength. Keep going on this path!

[Thewritersunion]

Freedom Atlas ! 

[RawJudah]

Well done! 

This is something I’m working on now, because in the past I have NEVER stood up for myself, because the pain of confrontation would kill me inside. 

 

[Skanzi]

I'm happy for you . I feel a certain sense of delight within me as I read you having overcome this obstacle through the act of being incredibly courageous. I genuinly love to read it.

Don't forget that this is only the first step, but a very important one nevertheless.

[Mezanti]

Well done!

i have a similar problem. lets pm about it, maybe we can learn things from each other. 

[Waken]

Well done, I know how scary that can be :-)