How Can I Get A Girlfriend?

[Natasha]

@Emilio In Leo's latest video '10 Important Things You Want, But Don't Think That You Want', one of the things he lists is authenticity. Shyness is acquired, and can be de-conditioned. He'll be making a video on how to. If you haven't watched this week's vid:

 

[Mal]

22 minutes ago, abrakamowse said:

I agree with @Mal on what he says @Emilio

First try to watch your thoughts in meditation, observe them without attachment. It's like an exercise and your mind will get used to ignore thoughts that are not important.

What you said it happened to me. You wanna know why? Because I began to "think"... "Oh, no... if I look at my boss directly to the eye she will think that I like her" or stupidity like that.

Those are just thoughts. They are not true. And if she thinks bad of you, that's her problem, not yours. You just watch at the person directly to the eye because you are paying attention to what he/she says. The rest is just thoughts coming to your head distracting you, they are not real.

Once you begin to meditate on that, you will notice the difference. That's called "focus". Your mind will be more "focused" without annoying thoughts. Lol.

Try the video of Leo about mindful meditation, that's a good way to calm your thought process, the monkey mind.

Great advice.  

 

[egoeimai]

7 hours ago, Emilio said:

(some people more than others). I get so uncomfortable and have a hard time keeping eye contact.

Why? Why is there such an exception?

Why this guy and not that guy?

I do this only with 1 person in my life. A person that I dont use to have conversation with...actually dont know about him and its crazy. Why. 

Literally...everyone deserves the eye contact. I think its a way to show others respect.

 

[egoeimai]

6 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

What you said it happened to me. You wanna know why? Because I began to "think"... "Oh, no... if I look at my boss directly to the eye she will think that I like her" or stupidity like that.

Those are just thoughts. 

They're kinda true . Thoughts are messages coming by.

Maybe its your subconscious mind telling you that you like her.

Its not on purpose.

And maybe you dont want to let her know that you like her....because you can lose your job of it.

Scenarios.

[Bombardini]

13 hours ago, popi said:

Why? Why is there such an exception?

Why this guy and not that guy?

I do this only with 1 person in my life. A person that I dont use to have conversation with...actually dont know about him and its crazy. Why. 

Literally...everyone deserves the eye contact. I think its a way to show others respect.

 

Authority figures and people who I rate "better than me" I have a really hard time looking in the eyes. Basically if I feel inferior. If I feel superior to someone (I'm not saying this with any pride, but it's the truth) I can look them straight in the eyes. Then they usually are the ones to break eye contact..

Funny how things work..

[egoeimai]

2 minutes ago, Emilio said:

Authority figures and people who I rate "better than me" I have a really hard time looking in the eyes. Basically if I feel inferior. If I feel superior to someone (I'm not saying this with any pride, but it's the truth) I can look them straight in the eyes. Then they usually are the ones to break eye contact..

Funny how things work..

No god this is unfair.

I do the same.

This has to stop.

 

[Bombardini]

@abrakamowse @Mal Thanks guys!

I've actually been practicing mindfulness meditation pretty much daily for 7 months now. You might be right about there beeing thoughts in the middle of conversations @abrakamowse but I'm not aware of them if that's the case. I just get this unplesant feeling and wanting to escape the situation.

However I can actually relate to what you're saying  @Mal. About 3-4 months ago I had an experience during meditation. There was a distance between me and my thoughts and I could watch them pass by in a totally different way than I've ever could before. I've still never felt such bliss during meditation as I did that day. The following days where the best days of my life. I've never felt more alive or more 'me' than during those days. No insecurities, no hesitation, totally confident, but not in a cocky fake way. Just love and compassion. I remember thinking that the joy of expressing myself authentically makes me so happy, what else do I really need? What else can make me this peacefull? I DIDNT EVEN WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, I'd sit and meditate instead(this is huge for me). During these days it seemed as though my entire reality shifted. Every interaction was different. People would open themselves up for me, in a whole new way. And I was totally clear in my mind, no stress(which I usually suffer from in my line of work). I can't really put it into words...I'd been shy, timid and a big people pleaser my entire life and much of it just disappeard over a very short period of time. However during these days while meditating, I remember feeling an intense fear, "Can life be this good?" "How long will this last?" "Who am I?"

The "effects" slowly begun to fade away during the following weeks and months. I started getting stuck in my mind again. The thoughts started to feel "heavy" again and it felt like I was beeing possessed almost. I was getting back to my old familiar self again. And I don't like that guy  I remember watching myself beeing shy again and thinking "What the fuck am I doing?". It almost felt like I was acting. Because I then knew it wasnt me, I've experienced me and that shy fearfull guy is not it. 

Today I'm totally back in beeing identified with my thoughts(monkey mind) and still fighting the same battle I did when I first started this Self-actualization journey.

Also I just want to thank you guys for sharing your knowledge and advice about these things here. There is no one else I can talk about these sort of things about. Youtube is great but human interactions is something special. 

Truly, thank you!

Edited July 11, 2016 by Emilio

[Bombardini]

@popi Sure would be nice if one could just fucking relax and stop worrying about stupid things like other people's opinions of oneself, huh?  

Edited July 11, 2016 by Emilio

[Mal]

2 hours ago, Emilio said:

Authority figures and people who I rate "better than me" I have a really hard time looking in the eyes. Basically if I feel inferior. If I feel superior to someone (I'm not saying this with any pride, but it's the truth) I can look them straight in the eyes. Then they usually are the ones to break eye contact..

Funny how things work..

[Mal]

2 hours ago, Emilio said:

Authority figures and people who I rate "better than me" I have a really hard time looking in the eyes. Basically if I feel inferior. If I feel superior to someone (I'm not saying this with any pride, but it's the truth) I can look them straight in the eyes. Then they usually are the ones to break eye contact..

Funny how things work..

You should explore that. There's something there worth looking at.  There's some good advice on Ayla latest journal if you are interested in dealing with these kinds of things.  The 'shadow' is said to pull us back out of the "now".

[MIARIVEL]

@HGGabrielF Girls are attracted to a confident man. What do you have to lose if you start talking to a girl? asking how her day is, what her interests are? if you can take her for coffee or dinner? you might get rejected - you have lost nothing. Does rejected hurt? only your ego but you get over it. We have all been rejected at some point in our life but that is the game of life. 

I would work on your self esteem and confidence and then start putting what you have learnt to the test. You can start small by making friends first and then once you have developed your confidence more, you will be asking girls out left, right and centre. 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@HGGabrielF I personally think that genuineness aka authenticity, is most important.... for me, a shy person is superior, than someone fake or acting... but if you can pull off "fake it till you make it confidence" just by being yourself with an extra dose of courage, that's even better... that said, I know other girls that are different, confidence rules..... Also, I suggest avoiding lascivious behaviour or innuendo completely, at least at first.... lol... at best, this often results in temporary relationships only.... that said, for some girls that may not be the  at all....also, I feel what Leo says about neediness is unbelievably true.... both sexes...best to strive to surpass it....  @MIA.RIVEL so true too... it barely hurts to try....happy adventures in flirt-land....