Making your own Path?

[Scholar]

I find myself getting more and more alienated from a lot of the spiritual concepts that I have been ingrained with in the past few years. The more I do this work, the less I find these concepts to be truthful and attractive.

For example, these concepts do not make sense to me anymore:

• Mind
• Consciousness
• Imagination
• Meditation
• Subjectivity
• Enlightenment
• Increasing Consciousness
• Unconditional Love
• "In silence you will find Truth"
• Strong determination sitting
• Liberation
• Ego
• Truth
• Absolute

A lot of the language Leo is using does not resonate with me anymore, and I actually loved it not that long ago. Actually I find that a lot of spiritual talking to me is kind of weirdly delusional. It feels pretentious, it feels sheepish. It feels so uncreative and stale. When I listen to Alan Watts for example I feel like there is this playfulness which lacks in a lot of other teachings.

 

I have a desire to explore celebration, activity, swimming, whirling, playing (in the metaphysical sense, not hobbies). I would love to see some Viking ceremonies, or some Shamanic dances. An embrace of fluidity and playfulness. I want magicalness, I want wonder and awe. There is a sense of fairytale-ness.

I think I want Groundlessness. I want movement that is motionless, not motionless movement. I want Joke, Play instead of Truth, Absolute.

 

Maybe all this feels like restriction and I find myself to embrace freedom. Instead of "Sit down and meditate" I see results in "Listen to music and contemplate until contemplation falls apart". Results in Flow rather than Stillness. Expanding into Being, giving being Presence instead of observation, seeing truth, etc.

There is this sense of ridiculousness coming, a Trickster who laughs at the seriousness of Zen Monks, who laughs at the concepts of Leo, who laughs at itself. I don't know how else to describe it, it does not seem egoic, it does not seem attached or survivalistic. Rather it feels the opposite of that. It's like it cannot denie magic, and thus it cannot take any of this too seriously. It also has a sense of Love and Acceptance. It seeks active compassion, it seeks art and creativity.

 

Previously when I looked at "enlightenment" I saw darkness, I saw stillness, I saw detachment. "Nothingness". Now it looks colorful, it looks impossible, it looks like a fairy-tale. It feels tumultuous, waves of endless color and feeling crashing against each other. It feels like a huge orchestra of magic, it feels like taking you by the hand and swirling you around. It is laughing, it is crying, it is alive.

 

It looks at Leo's castle of non-duality and wants to swoop it away with a tsunami of creativity and playfulness. This is the path that I see, and I think Leo's talk of Love has helped me see it more clearly. But I feel like Leo got there in a different way, the path he took does not seem to be the path that seems attractive to me, but I think the change in direction he has taen is what I really like.

 

But the foundation upon which his castle is build feels serious, and despite him putting the cream of Love and passion on top of it now, the foundation seems to still remain, if that makes sense?

 

I will obviously still find use in all of the content Leo produces, but I don't know if I can be a "follower" anymore, in the sense that I don't know if I don't want to create my own path, using Leo's videos as an addition instead of a main diet. I don't want any diet that comes from someone else anymore. I want to create my own diet. I want to explore myself even if I am not utterly successful. This very attitude of being so serious about this pathway seem unattractive to me. It seems to suck the joy and curiousity out of this path. I want to feel fairytale-ness, magic, compassion, playfulness not "industrial grade enlightenment practice".

 

Does anyone know what I mean? To me it feels like there is a very ingrained bias of a certain way of looking at all this that is very present in the general culture of spiritualism. This bias seems to become more and more apparent to me, and I start seeing it everywhere. I want to explore a different perspective, or rather what I have explored does not seem entirely compatible with this current bias.

Edited October 2, 2019 by Scholar

[Synchronicity]

You’ll love reading about Krishna! Here’s some inspired stories I wrote with Him as the main character: https://sites.google.com/view/krishnainfinity

You could say Krishna was writing through me as I wrote this. The cosmic playfulness you talk about is perfectly exhibited by Him. It sounds like you’re Aware of Krishna Consciousness. So these stories should be enjoyable for you! 

[tsuki]

You're gonna love this @mandyjw.

[Forestluv]

On 10/2/2019 at 1:50 PM, Scholar said:

I find myself getting more and more alienated from a lot of the spiritual concepts that I have been ingrained with in the past few years. The more I do this work, the less I find these concepts to be truthful and attractive.

Nice. I saw this coming . . . . An expansion beyond intellectual concepts  

The concepts have value, yet are the tip of the iceberg. This goes so far beyond the concepts. There an energetic shift and a transcendence of theory. The concepts can be useful, yet like you say - the concepts themselves become stale. When we get direct experience of "ISness", there is a magical energetic shift. Then the theory can become unattractive. This new energy of attraction is for more of the direct experience of "ISness" and there is a whole world to explore. I went through a stage in which all the seeking energy was oriented toward direct experience of magical ISness.  I spent a lot of time in nature. There was no seeking energy to find truth through theory. . . The cool thing is when ISness wants to reveal itself through the mind-body via art, poetry, concepts. And how the resonance changes. I lost resonance with many types of spiritual expressions and new resonance appeared. For example, I resonated with the poet Matsuo Basho all of a sudden. I was like: this dude gets it. He knows. No theory. ISness expressing itself through Matsuo's poems. We experience the same eternal ISness of Now. Me and a 17th century Japanese poet. . . Sometimes there is an aspect of loneliness as it can be hard to connect with others. Yet when a transcendent connection arises it is super cool. 

On 10/2/2019 at 1:50 PM, Scholar said:

I have a desire to explore celebration, activity, swimming, whirling, playing (in the metaphysical sense, not hobbies). I would love to see some Viking ceremonies, or some Shamanic dances. An embrace of fluidity and playfulness. I want magicalness, I want wonder and awe. There is a sense of fairytale-ness.

I think I want Groundlessness. I want movement that is motionless, not motionless movement. I want Joke, Play instead of Truth, Absolute.

A big steaming bowlful of YES 

On 10/2/2019 at 1:50 PM, Scholar said:

There is this sense of ridiculousness coming, a Trickster who laughs at the seriousness of Zen Monks, who laughs at the concepts of Leo, who laughs at itself. I don't know how else to describe it, it does not seem egoic, it does not seem attached or survivalistic. Rather it feels the opposite of that. It's like it cannot denie magic, and thus it cannot take any of this too seriously. It also has a sense of Love and Acceptance. It seeks active compassion, it seeks art and creativity.

There are different orientations. From an intellectual egoic orientation, one may say "All there is ISness. All this theory bullshit. It doesn't matter what I do. I might as well sit around all day and play games". This is a very different than a post-intellectual trans-egoic orientation that says "Everything is ISness. All this theory is bullshit. Let's directly experience the magic of ISness."

On 10/2/2019 at 1:50 PM, Scholar said:

Previously when I looked at "enlightenment" I saw darkness, I saw stillness, I saw detachment. "Nothingness". Now it looks colorful, it looks impossible, it looks like a fairy-tale. It feels tumultuous, waves of endless color and feeling crashing against each other. It feels like a huge orchestra of magic, it feels like taking you by the hand and swirling you around. It is laughing, it is crying, it is alive.

Yepper. The empty nothingness is one facet within an infinite Truth.

On 10/2/2019 at 1:50 PM, Scholar said:

I will obviously still find use in all of the content Leo produces, but I don't know if I can be a "follower" anymore, in the sense that I don't know if I don't want to create my own path, using Leo's videos as an addition instead of a main diet. I don't want any diet that comes from someone else anymore. I want to create my own diet. I want to explore myself even if I am not utterly successful. This very attitude of being so serious about this pathway seem unattractive to me. It seems to suck the joy and curiousity out of this path. I want to feel fairytale-ness, magic, compassion, playfulness not "industrial grade enlightenment practice".

The next expansion is that you transcend authority to YOU. . . The transcendent YOU is the greatest teacher. And it gets even better. . . The direction I think you are heading. . . You realize YOU are all teachers and spiritual beings. You are buddha, You are Jesus, You are Alan Watts, You are every enlightened being that has ever lived. The groundlessness you desire is the source. It's the same source that all sages tapped into. Then things get really interesting. You become both creator and creation. Walk through the woods and BE the magical creation of Now. Notice how a babbling brook is an enlightened teacher. Watch one of Leo's videos and notice how You are teaching Yourself 

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Scholar Thank you for this, I found it profoundly beautiful and inspiring. I'm not sure I'm "as far" as you seem to be when it comes to transcending certain things, but there's this strong feeling in me... When you say "fairytaleness" and "magic", my heart starts to glow. For I know what you mean. And sometimes I'm so confused by all the theory that makes it seem(!) so cold, that I'm not sure if I feel drawn to the magic because my ego likes a colorful play. But then there are moments when I see so clearly that it's the universe that likes a colorful, beautiful, magical, mysterious exploration of itself. It's kind of the point. First I turned away from art, for all seemed meaningless, delusional, a mere distraction. Now, I appreciate way more art than before, for the exploration of even one single emotion in a story for example holds so much beauty. Everey facet of this world becomes so meaningful. Dance. Music. Art. Movement. Stillness. A conversation. A sip of tea. As a concept "those are all just experiences" etc. Yes, but they are all the magic of life/god unfolding. And it's fucking beautiful. Thank you for making me more aware of that ??

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv Wonderful. ??

[Waken]

I resonate with that too. I've never been very fond of using my intellect, although I've always sort of forced using it because I thought that that was 'the way'.

At some points, when doing magic mushrooms especially, the questions that I tried to solve seemed so silly, like focusing on some utterly unimportant technical details that have only relevance in language. The frustration got so intense that it sort of exploded and there was a sense of intellectual burn-out for I think longer than a year.
However often I find that sometimes I try to do this intellectual thing still, because somewhere perhaps I feel I would miss out. However a lot of the intellectualism on this forum feels uncomfortable and too effortful for me to do.

I've started doing my own thing over the last years, and more and more it's becoming an unique process. Here and there I pick things from teachers and use the teachings in my own way. It's not always successful or effective, but what the heck. I have the feeling that you can find your own path and techniques, which are just perfect for you. In 'Conversations with God' there is this:

What is the true path to God? Is it through renunciation, as some yogis believe? And what of this thing called suffering? Is suffering and service the path to God as many ascetics say? Do we earn our way to heaven by “being good,” as so many religions teach? Or are we free to act as we wish, violate or ignore any rule, set aside any traditional teachings, dive into any self-indulgences, and thus find Nirvana, as many New Agers say? Which is it? Strict moral standards, or do- as-you-please? Which is it? Traditional values, or make-it- up-as-you-go-along? Which is it? The Ten Commandments, or the Seven Steps to Enlightenment?

You have a great need to have it be one way or the other, don’t you… Could it not be all of these?

I don’t know. I’m asking You.

I will answer you, then, as you can best understand—though I tell you now that your answer is within. I say this to all people who hear My words and seek My Truth.

Every heart which earnestly asks, Which is the path to God? is shown. Each is given a heartfelt Truth. Come to Me along the path of your heart, not through a journey of your mind. You will never find Me in your mind.

In order to truly know God, you have to be out of your mind.

[MAYA EL]

On 10/2/2019 at 0:50 PM, Scholar said:

I find myself getting more and more alienated from a lot of the spiritual concepts that I have been ingrained with in the past few years. The more I do this work, the less I find these concepts to be truthful and attractive.

For example, these concepts do not make sense to me anymore:

• Mind
• Consciousness
• Imagination
• Meditation
• Subjectivity
• Enlightenment
• Increasing Consciousness
• Unconditional Love
• "In silence you will find Truth"
• Strong determination sitting
• Liberation
• Ego
• Truth
• Absolute

A lot of the language Leo is using does not resonate with me anymore, and I actually loved it not that long ago. Actually I find that a lot of spiritual talking to me is kind of weirdly delusional. It feels pretentious, it feels sheepish. It feels so uncreative and stale. When I listen to Alan Watts for example I feel like there is this playfulness which lacks in a lot of other teachings.

 

I have a desire to explore celebration, activity, swimming, whirling, playing (in the metaphysical sense, not hobbies). I would love to see some Viking ceremonies, or some Shamanic dances. An embrace of fluidity and playfulness. I want magicalness, I want wonder and awe. There is a sense of fairytale-ness.

I think I want Groundlessness. I want movement that is motionless, not motionless movement. I want Joke, Play instead of Truth, Absolute.

 

Maybe all this feels like restriction and I find myself to embrace freedom. Instead of "Sit down and meditate" I see results in "Listen to music and contemplate until contemplation falls apart". Results in Flow rather than Stillness. Expanding into Being, giving being Presence instead of observation, seeing truth, etc.

There is this sense of ridiculousness coming, a Trickster who laughs at the seriousness of Zen Monks, who laughs at the concepts of Leo, who laughs at itself. I don't know how else to describe it, it does not seem egoic, it does not seem attached or survivalistic. Rather it feels the opposite of that. It's like it cannot denie magic, and thus it cannot take any of this too seriously. It also has a sense of Love and Acceptance. It seeks active compassion, it seeks art and creativity.

 

Previously when I looked at "enlightenment" I saw darkness, I saw stillness, I saw detachment. "Nothingness". Now it looks colorful, it looks impossible, it looks like a fairy-tale. It feels tumultuous, waves of endless color and feeling crashing against each other. It feels like a huge orchestra of magic, it feels like taking you by the hand and swirling you around. It is laughing, it is crying, it is alive.

 

It looks at Leo's castle of non-duality and wants to swoop it away with a tsunami of creativity and playfulness. This is the path that I see, and I think Leo's talk of Love has helped me see it more clearly. But I feel like Leo got there in a different way, the path he took does not seem to be the path that seems attractive to me, but I think the change in direction he has taen is what I really like.

 

But the foundation upon which his castle is build feels serious, and despite him putting the cream of Love and passion on top of it now, the foundation seems to still remain, if that makes sense?

 

I will obviously still find use in all of the content Leo produces, but I don't know if I can be a "follower" anymore, in the sense that I don't know if I don't want to create my own path, using Leo's videos as an addition instead of a main diet. I don't want any diet that comes from someone else anymore. I want to create my own diet. I want to explore myself even if I am not utterly successful. This very attitude of being so serious about this pathway seem unattractive to me. It seems to suck the joy and curiousity out of this path. I want to feel fairytale-ness, magic, compassion, playfulness not "industrial grade enlightenment practice".

 

Does anyone know what I mean? To me it feels like there is a very ingrained bias of a certain way of looking at all this that is very present in the general culture of spiritualism. This bias seems to become more and more apparent to me, and I start seeing it everywhere. I want to explore a different perspective, or rather what I have explored does not seem entirely compatible with this current bias.

Have you found that "thing" that there aren't words for yet? That you can't talk about or even talk around?  That you want to tell people about but you have no way of telling anyone about it?

[Scholar]

@Synchronicity

I will try to stay away from that for now, I want to keep this away from the path others have already created. I don't want there to be expectations.

 

@Serotoninluv

I will see if these aspects will manifest themselves, but I don't have desire to seek anything specific. I want it to naturally flow, the more expectations I will have towards what is to come, the less authentic the seeking and exploring will be to me. To me what's more valuable are questions, rather than answers. A question that will resonate with me will do so much more than explaining to me what there will happening in the future. I tried to listen to Leo's 30 Aspects of enlightenment, but I found myself to resist it because it is like telling me about the ending of a movie. What if knowing the ending of the movie will make me change the movie itself? What if telling me the ending of the movie will make me stop watching the movie?

 

@MAYA EL

I don't know, I don't even know if I can tell anyone about Redness.

 

 

 

I have noticed that my experience in general is "brighter" than it has been before. It is difficult to explain, but previously a lot of my experience had an underlying darkness in the quite literal sense. The space in which visual things are imagined seems to be brighter than it previously was. I did not notice it but before it was quite dark compared to now. The space I am talking about is the space in which you close your eyes and see vague imagined things, that strang space between the visual space and the "beyond" space.

I have also noticed that when I think about the path of others my mind seems to have a much easier time putting oneself into that experience and what it entailed. I am rather introverted and for example hate doing things like dancing. Previously I could not even imagine what it would be like to have fun dancing, now my mind is able to imagine it in a way which would be wonderful. A way in which I would let go of all worries and just start dancing, the imagination involves joy, previously it would only involve fear.

When I was visiting a hotel I realized that it wasn't at all so distant to actually create a hotel oneself. I got a sense in which it is a very human, grounded thing to create a business, to go through all the experiences and have that kind of ambition. It doesn't feel "official" anymore, if that makes sense? Authority seems to be dissolving, everything in society is basically just human beings trying to figure it out and doing what they can. Society and what it entails seems more personal and less like a cold construction. It feels more like a tree house than anything else.

 

As far as my art goes I have noticed that I can connect far better to the essence of visuals. Despite being a visual artist I was rather visually uncreative previously, as I did not use the power of visualization to the extend which I have discovered to do now. Visualization is an aspect that one has very little control of. For example, if I want to visualize a crocodile and close my eyes, I cannot control what picture will pop into my mind. Infact the harder I try the less likely it will be that I see anything. If I let go and just let it happen, if I loosen up into the visualization process, I can experience quite vivid pictures, to a degree that it almost seems to resemble a kind of cheapish photographic memory, without being able to choose what memory will be retrieved.

It is a little like I had access to the same process that is there when dreaming, I am very happy about that, and I am sure it's a skill that needs to be developed.

In general I have experienced more carelessness, greater open-mindedness and much less ego attachment to everything. It actually is quite surprising to me, it does not really feel deserved. I seems like I did not do enough hard work to have "attained" what I have attained. There is a sense of slow creeping of lightness that is somehow being upheld. A previously very delicate process during meditation which could easily have been disturbed seems to be effortless now, like something happening in the background. I don't worry about it at all.

 

There is a sense of the cold ground upon which I stood fading and I can see the colorful depth beneath. I would say all of this is very contrary to my expectations, which is why I do not care anymore to construct new expectations. I don't want to hear about the enlightenment process anymore, I don't care about what is going to happen. The sense of childhood mystery, in which the world was unexplained and needed to be explored, is coming back into my experience.

Edited October 6, 2019 by Scholar