I lack engagement

[Kushblow]

I don’t talk to anyone at all. I get out of school as quick as possible to get to my room. I don’t want conversation with anyone because I don’t know what to say. I feel like I can’t find anything to say around people. Like what is there to say besides some bullshit to make time go by? I lack motivation and jerk off a lot, and get unhealthy eating habits and stuff. I just can’t seem to man up and start training mma and get my shit together. I just want to do something that I find meaningful but I don’t know how to socialize with anyone and I have all the shitty habits. What do I do?

[PlayOnWords]

@Kushblow I used to have this problem, and still do in some situations.

I find, for me, I get most socially anxious when I'm the odd one out. I have no desire to talk about the things this specific group is talking about, and so I get fearful, racking my brain about what to say, how to fit in with these people and so on. 

In my experience, a good way to get over this is SPEAK YOUR MIND. If people are mindlessly gossiping or discussing the Kardashians, throw in your two pennies and say what you think, be it positive or negative. Beware, you may catch some flack for this; people becoming defensive or calling you out because they're triggered. However, I believe this is crucial to overcoming social anxiety and developing personal freedom and self-expression. You'll soon arrive at the point where you realise you don't care, if you do it enough and face the rejecting and disgusted expressions of people. It's not easy by any means, but well worth it. 

How old are you? I wouldn't worry about the jacking off, focus on one thing at a time. Then maybe a month later add another good habit and so forth. 

What are your hobbies and interests? 

[Jakey]

On some occasions in the past I would cry at night because "i had no friends" or how "pathetic" my life is, after some time I figured out that I'm crying not because I felt that myself but because that's what others opinion would be of me if they were in my shoes.
I was caring too much on societies standards and how I'm not good enough.

The best advice I can think of right now is: Don't worsen the idea of yourself and invest in yourself.
 

Quote

What do I do?

Well... what do you want?
"If you don't know where you are going any road can take you there" – Lewis Carroll

[Kushblow]

@PlayOnWords Yeah man it’s hard. I’m 18. All I wanna do is workout and get in good ass shape and possibly mma fight and all this stuff but I have 0 social skills and I’m too scared to be at a mma gym like that all the time you know? It’s gotta end 

[PlayOnWords]

@Kushblow trust me, I understand.

The good news is; THIS IS FIXABLE. Hurray! 

Some things that have helped me are:

• Therapy
• Guided/Unguided Meditation
• Stop using drugs/alcohol
• Self love and acceptance
• Force yourself into 'scary' social situations e.g: talking to strangers/girls
• Affirmations
• Journaling
• Stop holding strangers in such high regard (they might just be a dick) 

Leo has a bunch of stuff on these things. ^

Also, watch the How To Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You vid. 

Russell Brand has some great short videos on these types of difficulties too. 

[universe]

Why do you want to go to the gym and learn mma?

 

You need to find things that resonate with you. Try out different things and observe how you feel. Talk to some different people and observe how that interaction makes you feel. You dont have to like everything and everyone. At the same time not every has to like you. That is the trap. If you try too hard to have everyone like you, you wont find the people you resonate with.

Set strong boundaries. You have to set those yourself but I can give you an example. Dont waste your time with people who dont accept you the way you are. Meet new friends who do and enjoy your time together.

 

Maybe these videos will help you

 

 

[7thLetter]

I was the same way in highschool, and still somewhat dealing with this issue at this point in time but it's gotten a lot better for me these days.

Based on your username, I assume you smoke weed. Personally I've found that weed makes me paranoid and anti-social with frequent use. I've read online and on medical marijuana packages that with using marijuana, there's a chance of the user developing schizophrenia. And of course, lack of motivation and reduced social engagement is one of the characteristics of schizophrenia. BUT, don't take it from me, definitely try and look into it yourself.

What worked for me is just working on myself in any way possible. Whether its the gym, eating healthy, reading books, etc. Another thing to add to that is that I pushed myself to work in customer-service based jobs where I would interact with customers and co-workers. I worked a handful of front-of-house restaurant jobs and I would definitely say that helped me.

The final thing I will say is that, it will get better with time as long as you are making an effort to change it. Once you stop, then your progress stops. So find a friend or some friends, socialize with them and keep them around. That will help to develop your social skills.

 

[fridjonk]

@Kushblow  Just start off by going to the gym. Its more important to exercise than most people realize. 

Then the rest becomes easy. 

[Viking]

what helped me sometimes was being super weird. i would come up to people and say something like "do you like bananas?" and if they were weird people as well, usually they would laugh and flow with me, if they werent, they would laugh awkwardly, but still in a good way, if they were people i wouldnt want to have anything to do with in the first place they would say some thing like "wtf?" with a bad intonation.

edit- of course for me it felt natural, do whatever feels natural for u

Edited October 4, 2019 by Viking