Unrequited love for a classmate

[Davidess]

I've just turned 17 and I'm in 2nd grade on high school (4 grades total). I'm male, INTP, straight A's.

During last 3 months in previous year I was going home with my classmate (girl) for like 20 minutes walk, just us two and we liked each other (as friends though, she even told me she has feelings for me, but I've told her that we're just friends and she was okay with that). 

One month after she confessed her feelings for me, we were still going home together and I started having feelings towards her. 

On a school trip she rejected me (last week of a previous school year). The rest of the week I started ignoring her and she started pursuing me, she eventually started liking me. 

When a summer holiday began, she wrote me that she wanted to go to bookstore with me, on that I wrote her that we won't see each other during holiday, that I've no interest in being friends (I was attracted to her) and she said okay. 

But then she started pursuing me again, she was writing me that she wants to go outside with me, she wants to see me, she even shared some new insights with me on the stuff we've discussed earlier. We couldn't see each other for a whole month though, because we went to the sea. 

After 1 month (on august) we finally went outside. There was a lot of shit testing. I've passed litterally none of them. But in my mind I started a fantasy. We went out 2 more times, everything in 2 weeks.

When I wasnt with her, I fell in love with her. Literally. I mean, LOVE. I could've stared her in the eyes like enlightened god with my heart bumping 130/minute.. but we didn't see each other till the beginning of the school year. I thought that feelings would disappear, but they just become stronger. I've created an identity with her.

In the beginning of a school year, I saw her, I just pretended like nothing and hugged her. I couldn't hold it anymore. I wrote her how I really felt. She wrote me a long compassionate  message back, that she adores me for saying that to her and that she's okay with that and she lets me to have space. I had real heartbreak and I 'suffered' like I had real breakup.

It's one month since and we're still not talking and I still have feelings fore her... I see her everyday (she's my classmate) and I'm becoming disfunctional. She has a boyfriend now. My class teacher noticed there's something wrong with me and I'm seeing psychologist soon, if that doesn't help I'll see psychiatrist and I'll be on pills, I'm becoming really disfunctional.

Recently I've tried to distract myself and focus on myself. I've bought a life purpose course and started doing some work, but I think that I need to fall in love with someone else... 

This problem may sound silly but I'm in my teenage years and I'm learning all this stuff

Thanks for all opinions and advices

[Ananta]

Awe, yeah, it's tough to deal with this crap. Especially at a young age. Everyone deals with it differently. Some might want to listen to sad music and just cry, others want to get back to talking to the opposite sex and distract themselves. Some might play sports or video games for hours.

Guess it depends on your personality and what works for you. Hope you feel better soon.

[Ampresus]

It is strange how much I can relate with you.

I ended up in a huge chunk of anxiety and tried to masturbate it off. I felt incredibly fatigued. I barely managed to go to the gym. I skipped school for a day just to get my head right. 

I don’t know about you but I have only ever had one girlfriend, which I didn’t treat good at all and left after a month. I realized during that time that having a girlfriend felt too much like a burden. I wasn’t happy then and so this time with this other girl I started giving her less attention. 

Truth is I am full of lust and she probably isn’t planning to deal with lust alone. Maybe I actually like her, but I guess I’ll never find out. In the end I just want sexual intimacy so badly... 

Good luck man. I haven’t found some kind of solution for this so far. I have become more mindful though.... I am pretty sure enlightenment is knocking on the door, I just don’t know which door. 

[Nahm]

On 10/1/2019 at 11:08 PM, Davidess said:

I've created an identity with her.

That’s not true, it’s a belief you have pinned your own happiness to. This doesn’t feel good, because you are happiness itself, which is holding a belief that it needs this girl, or any other person or thing, to be happy. It’s like blue believing it can only be blue if it has green, the whole time, blue is already blue. 

The best thing you can do for yourself is proper meditation every morning, so you let go of the thoughts & beliefs, and are better positioned not to do the same thing over & over. 

If & when you don’t meditate every morning, simply be aware that the price you are paying, is the suffering in attachment to the thoughts / beliefs. This is suppression of sensation, and your mind will constantly spin in overthinking, trying to resolve the thinking with more thinking, so that you can feel better. Thinking will never resolve feeling. That’s backwards. 

Reach for the better feeling, always, and let thinking go. Let the thoughts go, discover you are already the best possible feeling being there is. 

♥️

Life is icing on the cake that is your awesomeness.

Life is not the cake. 

 

[archi]

On 10/2/2019 at 5:08 AM, Davidess said:

I've just turned 17 and I'm in 2nd grade on high school (4 grades total). I'm male, INTP, straight A's.

During last 3 months in previous year I was going home with my classmate (girl) for like 20 minutes walk, just us two and we liked each other (as friends though, she even told me she has feelings for me, but I've told her that we're just friends and she was okay with that). 

One month after she confessed her feelings for me, we were still going home together and I started having feelings towards her. 

On a school trip she rejected me (last week of a previous school year). The rest of the week I started ignoring her and she started pursuing me, she eventually started liking me. 

When a summer holiday began, she wrote me that she wanted to go to bookstore with me, on that I wrote her that we won't see each other during holiday, that I've no interest in being friends (I was attracted to her) and she said okay. 

But then she started pursuing me again, she was writing me that she wants to go outside with me, she wants to see me, she even shared some new insights with me on the stuff we've discussed earlier. We couldn't see each other for a whole month though, because we went to the sea. 

After 1 month (on august) we finally went outside. There was a lot of shit testing. I've passed litterally none of them. But in my mind I started a fantasy. We went out 2 more times, everything in 2 weeks.

When I wasnt with her, I fell in love with her. Literally. I mean, LOVE. I could've stared her in the eyes like enlightened god with my heart bumping 130/minute.. but we didn't see each other till the beginning of the school year. I thought that feelings would disappear, but they just become stronger. I've created an identity with her.

In the beginning of a school year, I saw her, I just pretended like nothing and hugged her. I couldn't hold it anymore. I wrote her how I really felt. She wrote me a long compassionate  message back, that she adores me for saying that to her and that she's okay with that and she lets me to have space. I had real heartbreak and I 'suffered' like I had real breakup.

It's one month since and we're still not talking and I still have feelings fore her... I see her everyday (she's my classmate) and I'm becoming disfunctional. She has a boyfriend now. My class teacher noticed there's something wrong with me and I'm seeing psychologist soon, if that doesn't help I'll see psychiatrist and I'll be on pills, I'm becoming really disfunctional.

Recently I've tried to distract myself and focus on myself. I've bought a life purpose course and started doing some work, but I think that I need to fall in love with someone else... 

This problem may sound silly but I'm in my teenage years and I'm learning all this stuff

Thanks for all opinions and advices

It is complete mess, like I was when I was 17 or so. In envy you your innocence it is great. 

My advice dive in, i.e. expose yourself into friendship/relationship with that girl or other girls, you are not going to marry her .

Interact, explore and observe, be authentic and enjoy.

Read few books about relationships, love, etc... proper exercise and meditation is good too, it is going to ground you, good luck. 

 

Edited October 7, 2019 by archi

[Forestluv]

@Davidess  I would be careful with the term "love". Attraction and infatuation can be a beautiful thing, yet can also be confused with a love that takes time to develop. From what you wrote, your attraction is so strong that you don't think you can be friends with her. She has sent mixed signals about her interest in you and now she has a boyfriend. If it were me, I would focus on getting distance from her. Let go of the physical and emotional attraction and look inward. . . What benefit would you get from entertaining fantasies about her? You would just cause yourself more suffering and may interfere with her new relationship with her boyfriend. If you do love her, you would set her free and wish her happiness with her new boyfriend . . . Then shift attention to another gal that is available. 

[Davidess]

Thank you all?It has grown me.so much since... I'm in tears right now, tears of joy, so much relief, I just let go of control... pain is healing me...thank you❤