Why am I being depressed as I'm becoming a good meditator and more spiritual?

[The Don]

Hello.

Yesterday I was hit by a shockwave of depression. It came out of nowhere.

At the moment I'm OK and I just don't want the depression to come back. I'm really scared because I don't want to experience my life being depressed.

The feeling of depression is so unpleasant and discouraging... I don't have words to describe it.

Why is this happening to me as I'm becoming a very good meditator? I'm mindful most of the time and sometimes I can stay in the present moment for hours, without having a single thought.

Meditation is making me more conscious which is why I shouldn't get depressed!

On the other hand, as I'm realizing God and finding out what reality is, life becomes meaningless. Sometimes I'm scared of the fact that God is eternal.

It's so confusing. I just want to have a normal life, without depression.

[Proactive]

I also experienced this during a period where I meditated more,

I felt reality getting clearer, and clearer. Till the point where I FELT like I was in the present moment completely for a long period of time aswell.

 

From there, I kept on meditating and that's where sadness started to creep in, which was really weird. Due to external circumstances, I had stopped meditating that much( 1.5 days only lol). 

So i'm kinda conflicted with this issue aswell. Here are 2 perspectives.

 

An analogy I guess that could be used is the rubber band one. You want to stretch it, but you don't want to break the rubber band. My dad has warned me about people going crazy from seeking too much. I'm not too sure about the specifics, but yeah. Just a warning from my dad lol.  

Or you could just continue to go deeper and detatch from the feelings, and hopefully there's some insight there. That's also another thing I hear.

 

I was forced to go talk to people and become part of society again, and those feelings subsided. That's how I temporarily removed the sadness feeling. So, maybe take a break from meditation. If your just looking to be normal hehe.

Edited September 30, 2019 by Proactive

[The Don]

@Proactive , thank you. Sometimes I'm blown away by my capacity to stay in the present moment. I can be conscious for longer periods of time without having thoughts; effortlessly.

Something popped in my own psyche. Something clicked in my mind. I'm feeling different as meditation changed my way of thinking and how I see the world. It's bizzare and beautiful at the same time.

I forced myself to reach this point where I can meditate properly, without thoughts. It was painful but if you keep doing it (meditating with consciousness), it will transform you to the point where you can be conscious and mindful all the time.

The problem is this: if I keep doing it I'm becoming depressed. I wish I knew how to avoid depression but it seems that it won't work.

I'm not well.

[The Don]

Moreover, even if I'm trying intentionally to get my mind to wander, it doesn't work. My psyche is pulling me back in a conscious (mindful) state; effortlessly.

When I notice this I'm having this though: "Holy f-cking sh...". It's unbelievable.

Only if I knew how to keep depression away...

[Sahil Pandit]

@The Don Depression is no match for you, so long as you keep your mindfulness/meditation practices firm.

Keep going, i'm right there with ya.

[mandyjw]

I think it's really important to have an arsenal of tools for dealing with depression. Make a list of things that make you happy and raise your mood. Consciousness and sensitivity go hand in hand. It's popular to call yourself an empath nowadays, but it goes deeper than that. We are building our sensitivity by meditating, and we also need to understand what those sensations are telling us or guiding us to. Sometimes they get ahead of us, and it's important to take a step back and contemplate why. 

I really appreciate Abraham Hicks, and the Law of Attraction is the most recent tool I've added, and it also explains why all the other tools I've had for longer worked so well. It's important once you've stopped overthinking to bring in another element to the mix which is understanding how to think positively without it becoming dogma, fake or forced. This is the same realization that God is Love, and everything is love and made of love, that energy is the building block of the universe and so we are learning to align with it. 

I've noticed that on a practical day to day level,  I don't get away with the same things other people around me do. If I let my diet slip it really affects my energy severely and i get depressed quickly. If it's winter I take vitamin D and also try to get sunlight whenever possible. I strictly limit sugar intake and make sure I get at least 3 servings of veggies a day, generally a lot more than that. Exercise everyday. Make time for friends or in person social interaction. Try to make sure you check all those boxes off, or find the ones that you personally need. 

 

 

[ttom]

If this has occurred due to your meditation practice ( which it likely has ) .Then there are two things I would recommend.

Firstly, you may benefit from taking up a form of insight meditation ( I like Goenka's body scanning ). The point of insight practice is to examine what Buddhist's call the 3 marks of existence - Impermanence, Suffering and No Self. The reason I would suggest this is because it is likely that you are entering a dark night phase. You will pass through this swiftly if you continue practicing and allowing yourself to Be with what is. But if you get caught up in the fear and worry that this usually generates, you can get stuck feeling like this for a long time. Examining the 3 characteristics will enable you to experience deeply that this depression is just another state experience. One that need not be clung to.

The second thing would be to adopt some form of positive psychology or loving-kindness practice. Work with practices that invoke states of gratitude, Compassion & Acceptance. Truth is raw. This will shift you in a more lighthearted direction. Everything is meaningless, but there is a deep beauty in that. Gently guide your perception towards this beauty. I find isolating myself deep in nature can be an amazing way to reconnect with a love for existence. But be warned, I have also experienced my deepest existential loneliness in the same environment.

Good work with your practice. It sounds like you've made amazing progress. I look forward to hearing how it progresses.

[wesyasz]

I have actually realized that most of the people seeking truth and stuff are either depressed or have shitty life and delude themselves. Is it just my impression? 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, The Don said:

Hello.

Yesterday I was hit by a shockwave of depression. It came out of nowhere.

It’s purification. Let it wash out thoughts, rather than cling to them identity wise. 

At the moment I'm OK and I just don't want the depression to come back.

That is the suffering. Just see it, observe, be aware of it. The universe is not dumb, not in error. The more you’re ok with it, the sooner the understanding arises. 

I'm really scared because I don't want to experience my life being depressed.

That’s a self fulfilling prophecy. By focusing on the not wanting of something, you are keeping that very something top of mind. Also, you’re a few steps into thinking about it, rather than letting it go already...as you are carrying what you do not want, into a life-sized story. Let thinking go, be with how it feels. Be willing to release, let go, have pissed off, or have a good cry. Or both. Just allow the natural course, and learn as a witness. 

The feeling of depression is so unpleasant and discouraging... I don't have words to describe it.

Ya, I know, but still. There is sensation, and there is thought about it (feeling). Not when were in the thick of it - but afterwards, look into that distinction. Write what’s happening with you on your board, so it’s out of your head and you can assess, understand more readily. If you’re really stuck, write the shortest phrase you can on the board, and write the exact opposite next to it. 

Why is this happening to me as I'm becoming a very good meditator?

Purification. This is the idea. It’s working. You’re holding on with thinking. Let it go. 

Also, because you haven’t yet become aware that if you tell the same old story, you create the same old reality. Notice when you are about to do so, and tell the story you want. Watch for commiserating. It’s very helpful to talk through a stuckness such as this, but not very helpful to justify it, or share it with those who will justify it and reinforce it. 

I'm mindful most of the time and sometimes I can stay in the present moment for hours, without having a single thought.

That’s excellent. “Use” that...notice what thoughts take you out of the clarity. Notice the role identity, self & other, subject-object, are playing. Write stuff on your board, and name the characters. This can really help us see when have gone off into a thought story. This helps us realize the sensation is a message about now, not ‘in the thought story’. 

Meditation is making me more conscious which is why I shouldn't get depressed!

More conscious is less conditions, not more. Less “shoulding”. What the body needs, it needs. It knows better. Enjoy being humbled, be amazed by it. Let go of the thinking, let the feeling play out, the understanding or hindsight clarity, the release, follows. There’s an infinitely intrigue to being behind that purification. I’m not saying believe me or trust it - just, see about it for yourself. 

On the other hand, as I'm realizing God and finding out what reality is, life becomes meaningless. Sometimes I'm scared of the fact that God is eternal.

I don’’t see as you can claim this is a fact, and be scared of it. May have an opportunity to let belief go there. 

It's so confusing. I just want to have a normal life, without depression.

Then let the thoughts, and the resistance, go.

Write on your board:

What do I really want?

And

What can I let go of?

Simply write questions like that, and then be done. Drop it, and let it go. If you do let it go, you will see, letting it go clears the mind, and then the counter duality, in your relative case, the “solution”, can & does, arise. Usually when you are having fun, not thinking about the “problem” at all. 

Do things you like. Get some sun everyday, or get a sad lamp. Socialize. Get some time in nature. Get some energy and contact, like Reiki & a massage / release modality. Do some simple creative things. 

 

[ewerson18]

How many hours did you meditate to reach this?

[ivory]

Same thing happened to me on two different occasions. The first time I basically stopped living my life to find enlightenment. Without friends and play (balance), I became very depressed. The second time I went through the dark night phase that Daniel Ingram talked about. I still experience dark night from time to time but it has lessened and doesn't really bother me anymore. My advice would be to take really good care of your health and to make sure you socialize regularly.

[pluto]

Depression

Deep Rest

Edited October 1, 2019 by pluto

[The Don]

@Nahm , thank you. I'll do my best to keep going.

[inFlow]

@The Don  At this time of the year I also feel some depression symptoms which came out of nowhere, also my wife feels it. Wait for winter (which is far away from now, lol) and things will be better believe me. Just go through it, you are not alone in this one <3

[Enlightenment]

On 9/30/2019 at 11:08 PM, The Don said:

I'm really scared because I don't want to experience my life being depressed.

Try to let go of wanting to not be depressed. Everybody experience mood fluctuations

On 9/30/2019 at 11:08 PM, The Don said:

sometimes I can stay in the present moment for hours, without having a single thought.

Well, either you're not mindful enough to notice your thoughts (dullness) or you're a world-class meditator. Can you focus on the sensations of your breath for 2h without any interruption + without any thoughts?

[Matt8800]

On 9/30/2019 at 2:08 PM, The Don said:

Hello.

Yesterday I was hit by a shockwave of depression. It came out of nowhere.

At the moment I'm OK and I just don't want the depression to come back. I'm really scared because I don't want to experience my life being depressed.

The feeling of depression is so unpleasant and discouraging... I don't have words to describe it.

Why is this happening to me as I'm becoming a very good meditator? I'm mindful most of the time and sometimes I can stay in the present moment for hours, without having a single thought.

Meditation is making me more conscious which is why I shouldn't get depressed!

On the other hand, as I'm realizing God and finding out what reality is, life becomes meaningless. Sometimes I'm scared of the fact that God is eternal.

It's so confusing. I just want to have a normal life, without depression.

@The Don Sounds like a Dark Night of the Soul coming on. Its a natural stage and necessary.

Read Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha to understand it and how to get through it. Its a stage you dont want to be hanging out in for too long