Nostalgia, The Ego And Enlightenment

[Saarah]

Yesterday night, I had one of those strong feelings of nostalgia people get from time to time, I was listening to some old music, and thinking about humans and death and history and youth. Because I felt some strong emotions, I decided to contemplate about it, and the following thoughts that turned into a dialogue ensued. 

I watch her, I see, her heart, her emotions, they unfold. What's more I see she feels part of an entire world, it's full of meaning, other people, fond memories. As Saarah that I have always known, as she listens to that old music, I observe how it triggers her. She starts thinking with her feelings and feeling with her thoughts. She delves into a story about the past, about human work and existence, about the beautiful things they create. But she gets so attached to the feelings they create, the meanings they hold, and she tells me "I don't ever want these memories, I don't want human history, human creation, humans themselves nor my own memories and part in this existence, to ever leave me". And nostalgia hits her hard. Saarah always seems so real when I listen to all she expresses. As she continues to flower, her ideas and image getting stronger all the while, I stay composed. I gently remind her, "Saarah, it's not the Truth, none of it is ultimate, you must let go of yourself, I promise you, you will come out unharmed, and everything you love and cling to so dear, will no longer have it's hold on you", and she'd heard about me, the Truth, many times, but she felt oh so stuck. She told me "At times like this, I feel myself getting stronger and stronger, I'm struggling to see the way, my organism is overwhelmed by my illusion". Saarah feels love, beauty, joy and awe of herself and human existence. She remembers herself as a little girl, and she simply cannot shake the world she created since then. She remembers her childhood, her family, her achievements, all the features of her being that have flowered throughout her existence. She remembers the society she's grown up in, she thinks of all the other beautiful 'Saarahs' that exist in the world, who are all just like her, she's attached to them, they form part of her experience, her growth, they're part of her being. 

In the end I stop my observing, I decide to slowly fade away, and just let her be immersed in her experience, I give her the opportunity to observe herself. She tells me "I have heard you but I do not understand you, and one day I expect to connect with you, Truth, and this nostalgia I feel, and all the things like it, I will appreciate it for what it is, but I won't get swept away like I do now, I will leave me behind, and we can observe this together someday as one whole. For now, I am simply lost."

[Filosofas]

What was this piece of music?

[Saarah]

@Filosofas well I've been listening to a bunch of Kylie Minogue songs the past few days, the 2000s ones are nostalgic because I was a child

but it was actually one of her songs from the 80s that oddly made me feel nostalgic even though I wasn't born then, because it reminded me of how the adults I know now were full of youth back then, and it reminded me of how time passes , we get old and we can't go back in time to our youth, even on a societal level the old is so reminiscent, this is literally the only time we have to be young, the song was called 'Turn it into love' 

[Salaam]

It's stuff like this that makes me so sad when people can't see how we can have an identity and still be connected in ever more intimate ways with the rest of the world. There is an I and a We both dancing and relating together. There are HUGE differences between identity and ego that can't be dismissed and ignored, because when you do, you dismiss and ignore some of the most precious things we have inside us.

Non-duality is so fucking stupid. Our world is built on association and inter-relation, the balance between boundaries and connection that work together to give shape, diversity, and nuance to all of existence. We have a core that contrasts and relates to the rest of the universe just like the earth has a core, and every single cell and atom has a nucleus. You don't reduce from duality to non-duality, you expand from duality, to trinity/multi-dimensionality. Adding in and incorporating more, just like humans and every other thing in the universe, like the earth itself, formed by adding and incorporating more.

Buddha was a coward, who couldn't handle life and understand tension, so instead of "attaching" to things he ran away from them and hid in delusion. In between running away and attaching to things, is moving in parallel with them, touching, connecting, without completely fusing and losing sight of everything else. There is a balance there that allows for things to link up and connect, without losing their individual nuance. Just like our bones connect to joints and muscles, without all merging into a single thing. Without that diversity, you have no movement, no interaction.

I hope you hold on and keep those precious and beautiful moments of who you are Saarah. I hope they remain precious for you and feed your heart with strength and caring and the connection to all those beautiful things continues to grow and deepen.

Oh and regarding the youth thing. I feel more vibrant and strong now in my 30's then I ever did when I was younger. The more I dive deep and embrace who I am, the more pleasure, caring, courage, and capability I have. My body simmers and my bones burn with how passionately I live life and face the reality of nature. And that's coming from someone who already went through stilling his mind, seeing all that goes on behind my thoughts, and found a way to balance and take care of them all.

I love who I am, who I'm being and becoming all at the same time.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Salaam