Liberation (Thank you, Leo)

[SoonHei]

@Alex bliss

8 minutes ago, Alex bliss said:

What will be your reaction if I try to kill you

i'm sure he'd be sad... or actually, very angry!

but he will surely stop you or run away  

[Alex bliss]

@SoonHei I'm expecting more from him ?

[SoonHei]

@Alex bliss

[Alex bliss]

How do I practice abiding as awareness??

[Koyaanisqatsi]

54 minutes ago, Alex bliss said:

What will be your reaction if I try to kill you

I don't know. One thing that happens now is things are left to happen as they will, without planning or trying to think about 'what will happen'? In the moment, it would depend on the exact circumstances, and what will happen will happen.

I can say that there is no fear of death. It's probably impossible to conceptualize, but death isn't really real. There is no one who was actually born or who actually dies. I almost died once, and it was rather pleasant once I gave up. That's actually a good metaphor for what happens with liberation. Once the ideas of being a 'person' in a 'world' who needs things to be 'happy' falls away, there is just what is and it feels comfortable, whole, and peaceful.  

[Koyaanisqatsi]

1 hour ago, Alex bliss said:

Can you share some guided meditation on YouTube for abiding as self 

 

[Koyaanisqatsi]

52 minutes ago, SoonHei said:

@Alex bliss

i'm sure he'd be sad... or actually, very angry!

but he will surely stop you or run away  

Biological responses don't stop. Anger, sadness, frustration, etc. still arise, but they don't 'stick' to anything. They are just there, and then gone. It's so easy based on the stories we hear to think that we will become perfect people, responding in a perfect way to situations, or somehow be 'better'. What is revealed is that there is no 'better' and this is already perfect. We can accumulate beliefs on what enlightenment will look like, and how to 'get' it, and those beliefs can get in the way. In fact, believing anything to be true in and of itself is a big part of the problem. 

[Koyaanisqatsi]

51 minutes ago, Yali said:

How long was your journey towards liberation? What were your daily practices along the way, and how long did you do them?

I think I answered that here, but let me know if that doesn't completely answer it for you and we'll take it further: 

(I'm not totally sure that link worked, but it's on page 1 of this thread)

[Blissout]

Was the abiding as awareness practice something you started the last 2-3 years?

 

I am pretty much aware of awareness during activity all day, (for 2 years and a half) have had many experiences but still no permanent shift..

 

Edited September 30, 2019 by Blissout

[wavydude]

You said that as you got older you started to expirence more suffering in for of fear and anger, did you do anything to adress these feelings to sort of "clear yourself" or did you go straight to non dual teaching ?

[Koyaanisqatsi]

42 minutes ago, Blissout said:

Was the abiding as awareness practice something you started the last 2-3 years?

 

I am pretty much aware of awareness during activity all day, (for 2 years and a half) have had many experiences but still no permanent shift..

 

Yes, it was. It sounds like you are in a good place and can probably just relax and let it happen. Do you feel the nature of that awareness? When you are resting in it, how does it feel?

[Blissout]

Just now, Koyaanisqatsi said:

Yes, it was. It sounds like you are in a good place and can probably just relax and let it happen. Do you feel the nature of that awareness? When you are resting in it, how does it feel?

Peaceful and blissful with a special kind of clarity. of course, sometimes awareness can also appear dull. but most of the time it feels peaceful.

[Koyaanisqatsi]

23 minutes ago, wavydude said:

You said that as you got older you started to expirence more suffering in for of fear and anger, did you do anything to adress these feelings to sort of "clear yourself" or did you go straight to non dual teaching ?

I think we all start to suffer more as we get older. I had an idea that our coping mechanisms turn into neuroses and start to get in the way of life somewhere around our 40's but of course that's just an idea/story.

Early on, I did therapy, positive thinking, affirmations, gratitude practice--all kinds of things that helped to quiet down the suffering, but they didn't eliminate it. Rupert Spira's yoga meditations helped tremendously where therapy couldn't. Therapy and other methods deal with the story, which is part of the illusion. The yoga meditations can remove energy without needing to deal with the story of it.

[Koyaanisqatsi]

1 minute ago, Blissout said:

Peaceful and blissful with a special kind of clarity. of course, sometimes awareness can also appear dull. but most of the time it feels peaceful.

Good! Just keep going. You may benefit from Roger Castillo's pointers. His framework gives the mind a way to identify 'me-based' thoughts and eventually they slow down and then stop. Having the ability to rest in being/awareness/source is ultimately all that is needed, but Roger might help you come at it from another angle and it might speed things up. 

[Koyaanisqatsi]

5 minutes ago, Yali said:

@Koyaanisqatsi  I see it took you about 50 years, and you got more serious about it towards the end of your journey. When you got serious about seeking, what were your specific practices and how long did you do them on a daily basis? For example, my current practices are 1hr vipassana meditation, 1hr kriya yoga, and 1hr self-inquiry. I'm curious which ones were your's. If they varied, that's fine. Just give me what you were doing most of the time.

 

+ can you delve more specifically about what you mean when you quote-on-quote got more serious? What does that mean tangibly?  Like you started doing more practices?

I'd like to answer your questions in reverse order because i think they answer better that way.

'+' question:

What I meant by 'got more serious' was when Leo's videos on enlightenment and non-duality were discovered. That sort of threw a load of firewood onto the smoldering interest that was already there, and I have a tendency to devour new things and really go all in on them. Anyway, there was a sort of clarity that wasn't there before. I guess I saw 'enlightenment' as possible for the first time (thus the gratitude to Leo). I had come pretty far already, and was actually much happier than before, so it seemed like the perfect next step. 

 

Original question:

I was already meditating daily. I started that as part of personal development and watching Leo's videos--what I'll call "healing the character" (getting out of the 'hole' of suffering. getting more grounded and aware).

The main practice that I did was meditate 45-60 minutes a day, every day. This at first was mindfulness/breathing meditation. Then when I learned about self inquiry I used Leo's guide and videos, I changed to meditating for 30 minutes and then doing self inquiry for about 30 minutes. I remember just sitting there and asking who am i and then trying to 'be' the answer. I really had no idea what I was doing, but I soon realized that I felt better after this than after the mindfulness meditation. So I switched to full self inquiry. It was right about then that I saw this video:

This for me was the ticket. I had found my true nature/source or whatever you want to call it. For a minute, I thought I was going to be enlightened.  It felt like it was so damn hard just to find it that surely that would be enough, right?  

Nope. Now it needs to come and stay.

This changed my meditation to just finding source (let's just call it that for now) and holding on to it.

About this time, I remember hearing that Ramana Maharshi had told someone to 'hold fast' to the feeling of 'I am'. So I did. At least as often and as long as I could.

It was like exercise. It got easier to find, and easier to stay. But any real serious event, even a tense conversation, could snap me back to 'solid' and limited--back into the dream/Maya. There was a lot of this (Roger Castillo calls it the 'flip flop') and it was not fun to be honest. It made it very obvious though as to what was needed. We can be 'right' and we can 'know' things or we can be happy.

Then at one point it became clear that practicing was trying/seeking. There was a lot of letting go in general along the way, and there was definitely some fear around letting go of my practice, but by then I'd learned to mostly go with my gut.

So that was the end of practice, and eventually the end of 'trying' or imagining that i'm the 'doer' or 'thinker'. I'm not telling anyone to stop practicing, or prescribing any method. This is my experience and it might happen if you follow your heart/gut, and to not fear if it does. Eventually, everything will be let go of anyway (one way or another). Why not now?

 

(so that was probably way more info than you needed, but it's what came out)

[Esoteric]

12 hours ago, Koyaanisqatsi said:

I can say that I am not distracted by thoughts involving time (past and future)--that is the realm of the separate 'me'. So I'm very present, but other than that no special powers or abilities are granted. It's surprising how little changes (but everything is totally different at the same time). The same basic thoughts and feelings and actions are there, but without anyone invested in them. 

I'm not sure how helpful concentration is on its own, really. It felt like the single-minded determination was helpful here, but it's hard to say. The illusion is so convincing and so enticing that concentrating on self inquiry and direct experience should be helpful in seeing through the illusion. Still, someone could stumble upon an awakening (for example, I met a woman who at 6 years old tried to think about what 'nothing' was and had an awakening experience). 

I highly advise seekers to follow their gut. It's good to 'get' nonduality intellectually (if that's part of your path), but your flow, your path, is sort of given to you through your 'heart'. It's intuitive. In a way, liberation is about authenticity--following the natural impulses and thoughts that arise, and not the ones that we 'think'--those are shoulds and shouldn'ts and are part of the illusion. Mind itself is not the problem, but some ways of thinking are the problem and it can be hard to separate them. Try to be sensitive to your intuition--your path could be completely different and it's all good. 

Thanks for your answer

[Blissout]

Quote

and only refer to your direct experience. Who is doing _______? Did I decide to do that, or did it just happen? 

Do you do this LIVE? like when the movements are actually happening? for example, I am aware of my walking and then I ask/see for myself if I am doing the walking or the walking is just happening?

Or, do I actually use a past memory where a situation has happened and to recall if I actually initiated the action or it just happened?

[cle103]

17 hours ago, Koyaanisqatsi said:

Sure. #1 was basically self inquiry. Self inquiry is not just for meditation. It can be done anywhere and everywhere. Watch your direct experience closely, and only refer to your direct experience. Who is doing _______? Did I decide to do that, or did it just happen? 

#4 - Rupert Spira's yoga meditations. His wife, Ellen Emmett does them too--I believe that is her main teaching. Try and see if they work for you. Here is one that I have done: 

He has two boxed sets of meditations. I have "Transparent Body, Luminous World" and that has my favorite track, "Kiss the Toad." That is a super powerful meditation for when life is not fun. It helped heal and release many tensions for me.

 

Thanks alot for the reply! 

I've never really gotten into Rupert as he seemed a bit to clean and scientific for me (I'm more of an Eckhart and Adyashanti guy). I will give it go! 

Any thoughts regarding "fear of death" and how you overcame it (if you did)? 

 

[Alex bliss]

Please make a YouTube video 

[Koyaanisqatsi]

9 hours ago, Blissout said:

Do you do this LIVE? like when the movements are actually happening? for example, I am aware of my walking and then I ask/see for myself if I am doing the walking or the walking is just happening?

Or, do I actually use a past memory where a situation has happened and to recall if I actually initiated the action or it just happened?

So any thought about what's happening is really not now/live--by the time you think it, that 'moment' is gone. However, I'd say it was close to 'live'. Like immediately after getting up to walk to another room there would be an awareness that I never decided to stand up. It just happened. At first, I saw this a lot at the gym. I would do one set of an exercise, and then rest a little. Then, spontaneously I would start the second set and for some reason it was easy to see that I never really said, "go" or anything. This may have happened thousands of times. It takes a lot to undo such a core belief. The challenge I think is that this goes completely against what we 'know' to be true, so the mind just doesn't go there. It's like, "I already figured out that I'm a separate person and those are separate people and there are all these objects everywhere. I don't need to look at it ever again." Our minds are kind of lazy, I guess. Somehow it was seen a lot here, and now it can't be unseen.