Asking a Woman Out

[Finland3286]

I work third shift in a building and i'm at the front desk in the morning when people are coming in to begin work. I've noticed one woman that I have become attracted to over the simplest of interactions (such as her coming to the front desk because she needed help with something) and there's something about her that I really like and admire. She looks gorgeous and presents herself nicely but she also gives off a kind of warmth or kindness that I really admire in her. The problem is i'm not in a position where I can really strike up too much of a conversation with her considering i'm stuck behind a desk and I can really only talk with her for literally thirty seconds max and that is if she needs to come to the front desk. Otherwise the most I can do is say good morning as she passes by. I also don't feel this sort of attraction to many other women where they come across with a warm personality and whatever else subconsciously draws me to this woman. I'm mostly a stage green person and she gives me a kind of feeling that she is as well. I've come to the conclusion that I should try to at least make an attempt to show that i'm interested in her but i'm in a spot where that's kind of rough. Really all I can think of is leaving a note in an envelope with some skittles or something on her desk saying something like:

"There's really no chance for us to talk at work but maybe we could talk over dinner sometime if you want"

-Guy at front desk                            txt me  (xxx) xxx-xxxx

I would much prefer to ask her out personally but i'm just not in a spot to do so. I just don't want to come across as some creepy dude by doing this by demonstrating I also know where she sits but I really can't think of any other way so I figure this is the best shot i got. I really just want to start building meaningful relationships and making a happy life for myself and those around me but maybe this is the wrong way to go about it. Maybe this is me just wanting somebody to make me feel good and validated. There's a lot going through my head and this seems trivial but it matters to me. I should also point out i'm 20 and shes mid twenties. I also feel like i'm trapped in a way if I don't do this as it limits my potential to meet new people. I just feel like maybe she's special and that's why I want to ask her but I don't even know her so maybe that's just weird for me to think like this. 

 

[flume]

1 hour ago, Finland3286 said:

"There's really no chance for us to talk at work but maybe we could talk over dinner sometime if you want"

-Guy at front desk                            txt me  (xxx) xxx-xxxx

I think that's a very sweet message. I'd feel special if a guy made effort to write a note like that. If she's mature enough she won't take it badly and either accept or decline, you can't know yet.
Go for it, I know you don't see it like that now but she's just one woman. I think the longer you wait, the more you'll put her on a pedestal and the more difficult it's gonna be. If it works, great. If it doesn't, you'll learn how to better deal with rejection. Remembering this will also make you more chill when you interact with her. Your life really doesn't depend on her reaction. It's ultimately good, the only mistake you can really make is doing nothing because you're scared. Good luck.

1 hour ago, Finland3286 said:

I really just want to start building meaningful relationships and making a happy life for myself and those around me but maybe this is the wrong way to go about it. Maybe this is me just wanting somebody to make me feel good and validated. There's a lot going through my head and this seems trivial but it matters to me. I should also point out i'm 20 and shes mid twenties. I also feel like i'm trapped in a way if I don't do this as it limits my potential to meet new people. I just feel like maybe she's special and that's why I want to ask her but I don't even know her so maybe that's just weird for me to think like this. 

Also, stop denying your own feelings. You're human, you need connections, you're attracted to a nice woman - nothing to feel bad about Of course those things are important to you.

[Average Investor]

I had recently thought I was attracted to a girl a couple minute conversation made me not very interested anymore. We create a bit of what we want instead of reality. There is a lot of women out there even if this doesn't work out. I would try smiling at her often. Get it to where you can have a bit of a deep stare at each other while smiling. She will probably initiate it sometimes unless she is shy or not interested. That has been a pretty good gauge for me if they are interested. The note thing could work, but probably skip the skittles. Coworkers aren't that great to date honestly, but if you hardly see her there it could go well. 

[Truth Addict]

I would go with the face to face approach. It shows the strength your personality and of hers. This one gesture can mean a lot to the relationship, in my opinion.

Also, older women usually don't take younger guys seriously until they connect with them at least on some level. So, it might take some time to build connection.

(I'm no relationships expert).

[Devi Shanti]

@Finland3286 go ahead and send the message! Any woman would be flattered by such a sweet act. I would recommend you to put with the message some small gift like a little flower. It would be so lovely ?♥️

Then come back to tell us how was it!

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Also, older women usually don't take younger guys seriously until they connect with them at least on some level. So, it might take some time to build connection.

(I'm no relationships expert).

Older women are still women, and women like kind gestures. There are plenty of older men without enough sensibility to touch a woman's heart. If I was single and a younger guy made me such a kind gesture, it would make me want to know him better, and I would certainly consider giving him a chance.

(I'm not a relationships expert either, I am just giving my woman's opinion )

Edited September 29, 2019 by Devi Shanti

[Finland3286]

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate the replies, helps a lot.

[Leo Gura]

@Finland3286 This one's easy. You need to flirt with her in those 30 second periods every day. Make her laugh and smile. Try teasing her. Then you can ask for her number.

The first girl I dated I met this way. Except I was the one coming and going while she worked at the reception desk. She actually started to flirt with me in those 30 second windows. After two weeks of flirting I asked for her number, she happily gave it, and we went on a restaurant date.

Of course there's no guarantee she will be open to your flirting. Or she just might have a boyfriend or husband already. Check for the wedding ring first. Then just flirt with her assuming she doesn't have a bf.

[Finland3286]

@Leo Gura Thanks, but I should make it clear that I can really only talk to her for 30 seconds max if she comes up to the front desk. Otherwise there is a horde of about 12 people trying to get through. Also I haven't been seeing her every day it seems like it's becoming a rare thing where she shows up to work before I leave work. The last time I actually interacted with her was last week and the most I said was "Good morning and Have a good day.". I have to open up here, I don't even know this woman so I question whether or not I should even pursue this but I know how I perceive her and how that makes me feel and it drives me nuts. I feel like if I just left a note on her desk she probably wouldn't even know who I am or barely remember me even if it is a sweet thing. I'm driving myself insane over this because I think about a far distance future where we could possibly be together and that would change the course of my life and make me happier but then I think that she would read it and wonder who the hell I am. At this point I feel just dropping the note there tonight would be a good idea and just never hearing anything from here so I stop this madness in my mind and leave no stone un turned so to speak. But then I think about getting a reply and actually making something happen where we do have dinner and I think about how that would go and my insecurities start to eat me alive. They get to me even though just today I was complimented by a woman after I started talking to her for only 30 seconds lol. Also to make matters more interesting, I saw her name twice in two pretty damn unlikely scenarios at work where it coincides with my job where the first one was like 1/1000 of happening and the other was pretty rare never seeing it before. I don't know if this is fate or what but it's nuts, it's like i'm trying to find answers in so many things and make sense of them. I even remember looking at the clock and seeing 4:44 and i'm even looking up numerology stuff even though I don't believe in it or fate either really. I just feel drawn to her and you add what happened with those odds up I don't know what to think, the universe is trolling me. I was also told today that I only have a month left where I work where I can move to a different building or get a new job. Life right now feels like Khabib choking me unconscious as i'm trying to make sense of my surroundings. I'm just trying to do the right thing here but I feel lost, life feels so challenging right now but I keep telling myself I can overcome it but it's so hard.

[Meditationdude]

@Finland3286 I met my long term (4years) girlfriend this way. I worked behind the desk and she was a member (gym). 
I beat myself up for a solid month working up the courage to ask her out. So glad I did. 
 

go do it!

[Dlavjr]

Imo I think you're overthinking it. Best case scenario, it works and you have a relationship with her, worst case scenario it doesn't work and you forget about it and move on. To me, it just sounds like fear of rejection, but you're making rejection out to be a bad thing. It's worth a shot, there's zero harm in trying. 

[Devi Shanti]

@Finland3286

[Devi Shanti]

[Finland3286]

Ok, I will do it, thanks everyone. I guess I overthink way too much.

[Finland3286]

Update here, did not go well but really getting rejected is not a bad thing at all it's all in your head. The world didn't blow up, I didn't die, we are fine. It would have been far worse if I didn't do something out of fear so i'm glad I did it.

[Devi Shanti]

@Finland3286 cool!

Thanks for the update and congratulations for your courage ?

[Finland3286]

17 minutes ago, Devi Shanti said:

@Finland3286 cool!

Thanks for the update and congratulations for your courage ?

No, thank you. You pointed out to me nothing bad would happen and just do it. Even though it didn't work out maybe I made her feel a little better so I'm thankful that you just told me to stop thinking and just do it. Now I want to do more "scary things"  to stop being so worried and stop the overthinking and just do it. 

[Devi Shanti]

@Finland3286 amazing ?