Fucked Up!

[abc]

• Will keep it short
• might look like i'm complaining but this is the last place where I feel I really can get some REAL, TRUE advice
• i'm a teenage
• can't focus- tried meditation for almost a month and every time I just sleep
• most of the time- anxious, worried, depressed, sad, angry
• losing my passion
• doubting my passion
• neurotic family, society, friends
• self doubt, negative talk
• want to do so much but can't do anything at all
• hooked to PMO. It's killing me but i'm not interested in relationships at this point
• no sleep schedule
• over thinker
• not interested in gossiping, partying, social status, food, people's opinion on me, drugs/alcohol
• i have hope and i don't have hope get it?

if you have some genuine advice to share, i'm greatly indebted to you for it. 

ps. I have watched leo's videos on related topic and they are pretty helpful but I feel i'm missing something on my part at soul level or whatever 

 

[Natasha]

@abc First things first: 

- work on taming the monkey mind

- minimize interaction with toxic/ neurotic environment

- keep meditating

-  sit in a quiet room and just be, no distraction 

- realize you are not your thoughts/ emotions

- realize your true self is the empty awareness behind your thoughts/ emotions

- learn self inquiry

- work on getting in touch with the true self (enlightenment work)

- know you are fine and whole just the way you are 

- keep calm and breath   

[Man in the Mirror]

-focus in on your desire to improve your self and your life. really really focus in on that desire. 

-make a mission statement. find Leo's video about mission statements, listen carefully, and make one for yourself. dont rush when making it. really think about it and make sure it truly aligns with what you want. and remember, mission statements can be changed in the future. the important thing is to have one now so you have a "map" for who you want to be right now.

-learn the power of good daily routines/habits. it adds structure to your life. 

-make little goals each day, start small, but make sure you do it. eventually, increase it slowly. set short term goals and long term goals, and make sure your daily actions, habits, and routines are aligned with those goals.

-Eat better, healthier foods, like leafy greens, fresh fruits. cut out junk food entirely. minimize fried food. what you eat greatly affects how you feel throughout the day, more than many people realize.

-if you drink coffee or soda, stop the habit. it may be messing with your ability to sleep regularly.

-try to regularly exercise or find a sport you enjoy. the activity of exercising relieves depression better than pills do.

-continue working on meditation. it's perfectly normal for it to be challenging the first month. learn about mindfulness and how to practice it, you can do it even when you "can't focus" and even when you're "overthinking"

-mute your social media. cut down TV time. Don't browse the internet or be on your phone/computer late at night. do something else during this time that is more beneficial to you, such as reading, meditating, exercising, or a creative hobby. try to read non-fiction and self improvement type of books.

-let go of your need for control. release resistance. there are things in life you cant control anyway, so dont let it pull you down by constantly thinking about them and wishing things were different. this includes your own emotions.

-learn about breathing exercises, take calm deep breaths, to help when you feel stressed or anxious.

-stop jacking off everyday. im not saying stop entirely, just not every single day. learn some self control.

-stop taking yourself so seriously. 

Edited May 20, 2016 by Man in the Mirror

[charlie2dogs]

4 hours ago, Natasha said:

@abc First things first: 

- work on taming the monkey mind

- minimize interaction with toxic/ neurotic environment

- keep meditating

-  sit in a quiet room and just be, no distraction 

- realize you are not your thoughts/ emotions

- realize your true self is the empty awareness behind your thoughts/ emotions

- learn self inquiry

- work on getting in touch with the true self (enlightenment work)

- know you are fine and whole just the way you are 

- keep calm and breath   

Excellent

[Ayla]

9 hours ago, abc said:

 

• can't focus- tried meditation for almost a month and every time I just sleep
• most of the time- anxious, worried, depressed, sad, angry
• losing my passion
• doubting my passion
• neurotic family, society, friends
• self doubt, negative talk
• want to do so much but can't do anything at all
• hooked to PMO. It's killing me but i'm not interested in relationships at this point
• no sleep schedule
• over thinker
• not interested in gossiping, partying, social status, food, people's opinion on me, drugs/alcohol
• i have hope and i don't have hope get it?

if you have some genuine advice to share, i'm greatly indebted to you for it. 

ps. I have watched leo's videos on related topic and they are pretty helpful but I feel i'm missing something on my part at soul level or whatever 

 

Take every point you wrote here and LOVE it! Use whatever technique you want... but you need to first love all that sh*t about yourself before you can move anywhere. If you can't bring yourself to love that about yourself, love your resistance (inability) to love those points. 

[Draconis Chaser]

@abc

Honey, I think you need to cut some slack of yourself. You are trying to make it work, and no doubt, you eventually will.

Failure is inevitable in the begining of any practice, but the whole social construct to it is really unnecessary. You can't start doing sth for the first time in your life and expect yourself to excell at it straight away. You are learning from the very best there is, so the standard is already set pretty high. I'm not saying you should go 'screw it, this'll do' for a low quality result, just don't drive yourself insane with unrealistic expectations for yourself. 
If you decided you'd like to start writing with your non-dominant hand all of a sudden, you probably wouldn't expect the ability to write bad-ass caligrapy after a week, right?
It's the same thing with anything else, really. Just continue working at it. A little goes a long way.

Secondly, you are awfully young and going through the phase where your body is running wild with hormones. Mood swings are quite common, and unfortunalely, so is feeling down and depressed. 
What you can do, however, is stop worring about the things you CANNOT change at this point, and focus on the ones that you can. 
What you can't change would be your family, friends, their opinion, the society and it's wry ways. You can change your view of it all, though.

If you have any sense of what your passion might be, I would start with that, and make it a safe heaven for myself.

And also, don't despare that your life might not be what you expected. Don't think yourself into depression and helplessnes, no matter how fucked up you think you are. Work at it. Find your resources and fix what is broken, build what you'd like and hunt down and sistematicly destroy the things you dislike. 

A child weeps when it is unhappy, because it is helpless. When that child takes things into it's own hands, it is no longer a child. It's an adult.

So allow yourself to grow up.

 

Come to the grown up side- we don't have cookies, but we can teach you how to make them yourself.   
Take care, and all the best to you!

Edited May 21, 2016 by Draconis Chaser

[abc]

@Natasha I have this fear that if I practice spiritual enlightenment I will become a yogi cuz I've seen people lose their passion for life in the sense losing passion for fame and fortune after pursuing self inquiry. Most of them are like we don't want success or money everything is an illusion blah blaH

ps. It's hard to keep calm when you have your final year in high school and you can't focus. You feel like an idiot and teachers are pathetic, your friends, even worse.

im sorry I'm acting like a baby who can't take the responsibility but every time I DO take the responsibility I screw things up, for myself and sometimes for others too

@Ayla how do I do that? How do I love myself with all this shit in me never agreeing to leave me

@Draconis Chaser thanks man that was pretty motivating 

the problem I REALLY face is consistency with good stuff and when I'm not able to stay consistent, I get depressed and angry at the same time. How do I deal with that?

@Man in the Mirror trying too many stuff at the same time is my biggest problem as I'm not able to stay consistent with them but yours are pretty good point. Thanks 

[key]

@abc Realise the only important work you should be doing is internal, we might have all these ideas of enlightenment & meditation ect but it will never compare to taking the time of day to sit with yourself alone, looking out at the world, letting your thoughts, emotions and experience happen freely. You might encounter negativity, positivity, love, hate, disgust, compassion or simply nothing. Your goal should be to sit with your thoughts, see them as they are (just a thought in and of itself, maybe a word, an image, an emotion, whatever) and realise that as soon as they come, they start to disappear, maybe a thought of self destructiveness traps you for hours, you can't seem to escape and it's like banging your head against a wall. If you can already see that you're mind is doing that, and you recognise it for what it is, I recommend letting it be, let your mind go to shit, let it run rampart, accept it for what it is and realise WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I FOLLOW THIS SHIT.

So essentially I recommend installing a daily habit of sitting with yourself alone. Watching your thoughts happen, accepting that they do happen whatever they may be, and realise your actions take higher meaning on how your life is effected, not on what your thoughts produce.

Best wishes.

 

[Arnie]

I won't add some things that you can do to improve your situation, @Man in the Mirror  summed it up pretty well.

But I would like to give you one advice that's crucial in your current situation, in my opinion. DON'T start enlighment work or any other advanced spiritual endeavor or get lost in notions like 'realize your true self is the empty awareness behind your thoughts/ emotions' as @Natasha suggests, before you get the basics of your life handled. And don't use it as a therapy for basic problems. It's just not gonna work. I tried it as I haven't had my basics handled like healthy eating, exercise, self-esteem, basic life structure etc. I thought I wanted to find truth, but used it simply as an evasion of reality, that my life sucked sh*t. I even fell into DPDR because of enlightment work and I am still working on recovering from it.

Acknowledge where you are at in your personal development and act accordingly: You can't build a strong ( Maslow's ) pyramide without having a strong foundation.

Edited May 22, 2016 by Arnie

[Jonathan]

@Arnie I'm curious Arnie.. What are you doing to recover from meditation induced DPDR?

Edited May 22, 2016 by The Village Idiot
typo

[Natasha]

@abc Not everyone who's self-realized becomes a yogi. There are thousands of awakened people on earth just living regular life, work, pursue their passion, raise families, etc. Self-realization is a perspective. But like @Arnie said above, work on rooting out neuroses (like fear, etc) and build yourself up first. This process is a journey that can take years and decades. My list above is a long-term endeavor. You asking these questions is the starting point, grow from there. Hugs

[Draconis Chaser]

@abc

Hello again!

First thing you need is awareness that you are not doing the thing you should be doing. So you got that one off the list. Nice

Then comes the awareness of the what you ARE doing instead, and WHY NOT the thing itself, right.

The short answer to this is simply the case of there being sth that hits all your sweet spots with greater intensity right now, and every time you change your behaviour, that source of pleasure gets cut off. You then, naturally, feel voulnerable and go back to what it is that brings you happiness.
This thing is most likely sth that you don't even realise is bringing you relief and pleasure. Could be as subtle as telling a white lie, or as alarming as doing drugs or smoking.

So what happens when you go "shut up and just do it" on your ass, is that you remove the rare pleasure and you probably substitute it with sth that you attach pain to.

And then what happens? You lose pleasure and on top of that gain pain. 

Not good. Not sustainable. Not healthy.

Please don't do that.

Identify what it is that is pleasurable to you right now, and see if there is a way to press the same buttons, but with a bit more actualizing action, right.

And also keep in mind that in a battle of pain vs pleasure, pain always looses. It can only get you so far. If prolonged beyond that point, you will just bend and twist your psyche to gain pleasure from what used to be pain. 
Again, don't do that!

Humans are not made to be stressed all the time. We think our way into it.

Everybody deserves to feel happy and fulfilled!

Hopefully, that helps a bit.
Take care and have a great day!

 

 

[abc]

@Arnie I didn't know about DPRD before you mentioned it. I googled it and now I'm scared to be honest. I was already in a dilemma if I should be pursuing self inquiry and now I'm absolutely scared. Well I'll take are off that later but yea I've to get my basics handled first. 

 

Thank you all. This stuff was pretty helpful