Owning Values & Getting used/played by others because of them

[iTommy]

Hey all. I'd like to know if any of you experience getting used by others that know that you embody certain values. Especially when it comes to values like... honesty, integrity and similar. How does one balance those values, while not getting sucked into drama that others cause for you, because they know you're embodying them?

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Here's a situation I am in currently for a better connection to it all. I share a flat with a two other people, we all have the same flat-contract. Now... one of the two simply moved out, but is still in the contract (we need his signature and he needs ours to leave the contract, which didn't happen). Rent goes on as usual, flat-debt starts to pile up. The other person then also doesn't pay her rent, is quite manipulative too and told me a bunch of BS throughout the whole ordeal. I talked to the owners, but they also play a role of fake sympathy, and nothing could be done at all (we also got debt warning notices, that had a strange amount on them that should be paid back, when I confronted them via mail, they wouldn't repond + more strange happenings). So, the eviction note came in. The flat has to be empty, and I am doing all the work. The other, still here living flat mate, she's pretty much getting things handed to her, she knows I take ownership, so she doesn't have to. I am afraid to not do stuff (not getting the flat cleared and similar), because I am in this mess too even though I did pay my rent. If stuff stays here, the owners might hire people to get it all cleared out, and I'd be charged for it (too).

When it comes to the debt, the owners will try to get the money from whoever person they can (the guy that moved out, he most likely won't have anything to worry about here), they know I am responsible and do a lot of stuff, so I am sure they will single me out to pay for sh*t. On Monday, the flat & keys will be given back. I fear, that they're trying to play me, since again, they know I take responsibility, the others don't. They might try to get information out of me that might really blow my finances and more, getting me to sign stuff or whatever else.

One part of me says, to own up for it (since it was my choice to get into this contract to begin with), the other part says that I need to draw a line and look out for myself, even though I made that choice of getting into that contract with the others to begin with.

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Where does one draw the line, not getting (ab)used by others that know how to play on that value set that one carries within?

[Meditationdude]

@iTommy I’ve dealt with a similar situation and I sued my roommate. It wasn’t pretty but it was easy, just proved to the judge we were in a contract and she bailed without paying. That’s what contracts are for. 

[iTommy]

18 hours ago, Meditationdude said:

@iTommy I’ve dealt with a similar situation and I sued my roommate. It wasn’t pretty but it was easy, just proved to the judge we were in a contract and she bailed without paying. That’s what contracts are for. 

Hopefully I won't need to take that route, but this all depends on how the tables turn moving forward. This is quite the lesson for me.

[Smurfinstein]

First- you hit the nail on the head, LESSON. Learn it, learn it once and for all. (I'm just off learning a $140K "lesson" from my future ex husband- should have learned it the other two times, but I guess $140K was what it took for it to finally sink in.)

Second- You can be honest, actualized and self-aware and also protect yourself. You have a contract, you have two others in the mix. If it falls on you, factually, rationally and without drama get it from them. Just because you care about personal growth doesn't mean you're not also a business person in the larger scheme. They likely have some lessons they need to learn out of this thing, too. Oh, and track your time on all the stuff you're cleaning up on their behalf. Or just leave it there and pass along the bill for when the landlord bills for removal. 

As much as possible, remove the emotion from it, but "being a better person" in no way, shape or form means "just get bent and smile about it."

[iTommy]

@Smurfinstein That's one expensive lesson... I agree with what you say. My plan on Monday is to stick to my values, but being careful of what comes out of my mouth, not letting them single me out. Afterall, I wasn't the one who piled up the debt. 

[PlayOnWords]

@iTommy I admire your 100% responsibility attitude, man. However, it does sound like you could get played here if you are going above and beyond with it.

Just pay what you owe and be done with it. Don't pay for the others. Landlord might pressure you with the whole "well somebody has to pay", but that shouldn't be you. Be firm. I wouldnt even help the girl clear out her stuff, unless she asks you directly and you actually want to. 

Good luck, dude. 

[iTommy]

@PlayOnWords Thank you!