In Laws Putting Me Down

[Wonka]

I know it probably sounds normal but it's tearing me apart. No matter what I do. It gets worse .No respect whatsoever. Not that Im owed it I suppose .But when it gets personal on every level. I don't know what to do anymore. Ridiculed by brother in law because he is graduating and I didn't. Same coming from father in law. Being laughed at to my face, disrespected in my own house. Just wanted to get this out. Makes me feel a little better. 

Edited May 19, 2016 by Wonka

[Will]

Excercise 1: Do not give a fuck what other people think you should be like. live your own life..

Prolly need to learn to not care what people say in an environment that is not soo personally related to you. practice a bit before taking the new skills to your family..

 

Excercise 2: deconstructing what they are doing...

If they start talking to you.. say out loud to them.. oh cool your like a bunch of colours and shapes and these noise are coming out of your thing that is wiggling around.. once you get used to deconstructing things real time youll see it for what it really is nothing.. same goes for your thoughts ect..

 

Excercise 3:Discover you and your boundaries

When you read something or listen or observe anything. do not accept it fully.. this leads to belief.. and dogma... addd to what ever your observing and improve on it.. i.e."life is god" you can add to it.. "actaully I am life, there is no god".. Get used to making things your own.... this way you will discopver who you are...

 

Excercise 4: defend you boundaries..

draw a line dont not let people come over it.. be as harsh as you like.. be clear about your boundaries and be harsh.. you will overcompensate at first but thats ok.. you later become more savvy which boundaries are benefitial for you and which are not..

 

Everyone can we all please add to this list please??

 

[Wonka]

Will, I want to really thank you for replying. I'm going to do as you say .I've tried everything else. Trying to get my point across to them that they cannot disrespect me and expect me to respect them back. My brother in law asked if I would show up to his graduation and immediately after said, "you could've graduated this year too if you haven't done what you did." And smiled while the other two in laws didn't say a word but were smiling. I wasn't going to reply but it seemed as if my heart wanted to say something. I replied, "your right, but I don't want to talk about this." Out of nowhere and walked away smiling. I didn't want to say anything because I don't have a right really because he IS graduating. And also because he's not my brother. But I'm trying everything I can but that was an amazing experience really. Never had my heart speak for itself like that before .Almost like it wouldn't except the feeling. 

Edited May 20, 2016 by Wonka

[Harry]

@Wonka  Own your insults and they will no longer have any power over you. 

What do I mean by this? 

When a person insults you they are  looking for a negative reaction. If you don't give them that reaction, then they feel defeated and are far less likely to insult you again. 

To become immune you must own your insecurities. Your brother in law is bringing up your graduation because you are insecure about it—thus give him the reaction he is looking for every time he mentions it.

You need to accept that you failed (or whatever happened) and not feel so bad about it. In the long run it really doesn't matter whether you graduate this year or next year.

Here is the difference between the reactions of someone who is insecure and someone who is self-accepting.

1) "why would you say that to me that really hurts" , with a defeated look on your face and pain in your eyes.

2) "Well at least I can party it up at college for another year while you're stuck at home working", with a cheeky grin on your face, showing that you are bantering.

Paraphrasing from Tyrion Lannister,

" Never forget who you are, Bastard, because nobody else will. Wear it like armour and nobody can ever hurt you"

[Wonka]

Thank you guys