My enlightenment story

[Eu Sint]

Hello everyone. From the beginning I apologise for my poor English.Please show me a little leniency?.My name is Constantin, im from Romania and im 47 years old.After my enlightenment experience,i start looking for more enlightened  common people , I mean not like Mooji, Tolle or Adhyashanti.?.So in my searches , found Leo’s videos and after seeing his videos about enlightenment, I decided share my enlightenment experiences here.I try to be a short story ,because I don't want to bore anyone with the story of my life. For a start I will have to make a short introduction about how my spiritual journey began.So it all started at the age of 4 to 5,when the night before I fell asleep I had a “dream”. It's the “dream “I could never forget.

Actually it was not a “dream “but that is how I considered it at that age.After forty years the same “dream “has been repeated  quite similar .Now  after forty years ,I know it wasn't a dream.Then for first time in my life , just 4-5 years old ,i experienced a powerful and authentic mystique experience, where I touched the true nature of my being.  Unbelievable isn’t it? How do i know it was that ? I'll explain later when we get to this point.I continued to have a normal life until I was 23 when I discovered yoga and started practicing hatha -yoga , pranayama and meditation ,especially with the  Aum mantra . I was attracted from the beginning by all that yoga means and I started reading many books of the spiritual masters like Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatha Maharaj, Sri Aurobindu, Shivananda, Osho, etc. This is how I first heard the question "Who am I?" It was a powerful shock, because it was the first time we realized that, I am not really ,who I think I am.What do you mean I don’t know who I am ? ?You know that feeling isn’t it ?Then I made a commitment to myself, and told myself that I won't die until I find out ,who I really am.  I practiced hatha yoga , pranayama and meditation for about 10 years ,with some notable results that became discontent later.I was not happy with that  because ,had not reached "where" all the spiritual masters were pointing. And I decided to do nothing for a while. But this period lasted about 7 years.I was very unhappy, stressed, depressed, sometimes I didn't even want to live anymore. Nothing was linked in my life anymore and I didn't know where to start or where to go. All this time, I started to practice the introspection, self-oservation and self inquiry trying to find answers to the multitude of questions that grinded me. A good method that helped me a lot during the spiritual journey was "Neti-Neti". Meanwhile, after seeing the movie "DMT The spirit molecules”, I became very attracted to the world of psychedelics and felt that a new opportunity open up for my spiritual evolution. There followed a period when I documented how well I could ,about the magic mushrooms, lsd, dmt and ayahuasca. But the problem was now, where and how did I get these substances, because in Romania it was almost impossible at that time to find something like that.But as nothing is left to chance and as everything is interconnected, life has given me a new opportunity and I moved in London,England. Here I was able to get my lsd  and Dmt and I found out ,where can I have to experience ayahuasca. I had a total of 12 experiences with lsd , one in every months. The first one was the launching pad in the infinite field of consciousness.  At that time this experience completely changed my life. I remember that feeling like I was heading to death , before i take first time lsd (220 mu).. I was very scared but didint give up. I became more and more aware of thoughts, emotions ,feelings and sensations.I became contemplative and introverted. At the same time I had 6 experiences with synthetic DMT ,but to be honest I didn't like it so much,because they didn't give me time to explore the field of consciousness voluntarily.The multitude of vividly colored and fractal geometric shapes is impressive but you seem to be stuck there.It was clearly not for me, I felt that I could not use this as I wished for self discovery.The next year I found a place in Spain where I could experience ayahuasca  ceremony ,and a nice surprise, 5 Meo-Dmt. It was the first time I heard of this substance. After doing my own research , I was impressed and told myself that is what I need. Although it is the most powerful drug in the world and scared me to death, my intuition told me to try it. So I went in Spain two times,where I had a total of four experiences with ayahuasca and two with 5 Meo -Dmt. An interesting thing was that, before about two weeks to experience 5 Meo -Dmt and ayahuasca, this thought appeared in  my mind ,"you will  gonna die". And it was repeated as a mantra ,and the more tried to avoid it or resist it, the more powerful it was.Just imagine this for while ?.  From this point whole my life became  “pure madness “if I think that ,with a rational and logical mind. On the other hand, if you have a radically openmind to infinity, as Leo says, everything turns into authentic spirituality. Now I have reached the point where I can explain the so-called “dream “I had when I was a kid. 

So we are at the moment when I have smoked 5 Meo -Dmt , we smoked because his origin it was from that frog ,bufo alvarius. I mention that ,before I smoke ,I told myself that, all I want before I die ,is to know “who I am”. Because  I felt like this are the last moments i have to live.I smoke all at once, as I was instructed and I have time to sit down in a meditation posture just about 5 seconds.   I was instantly absorbed into an infinite and empty space.Everything was of a light darkness and in every direction I looked was without limits. Time was gone. It was just an eternal moment.  An absolute quietness was everywhere.There was no trace of   “I “ like self ,physical body, thoughts ,emotions or sensations .I just exist, I was pure existence.I was simply enjoying my own existence.Suddenly I was absorbed  again into a small space like an atom but accompanied by the same infinity, lack of time and form,like one moment ago. I was eternal.I was an endless ocean of pure joy and happiness.  In fact this was the taste that I had left afterwards, the taste of Eternity.The whole experience lasted about 45 minutes, afterward I practically began to feel as I entered the physical body as in some clothes. I translated different specific energetic bodies ,until i got to the physical body. It was a very painful emotional return. I felt that ,I did not want to comeback to the physical body, but i can’t do nothing against.  Who want to comeback from Eternity? I lay down on the floor in the newborn position and started crying for a few moments. I don’t know why? I felt clear how all this was prepared for me  ( as a person) beforehand,it could not have happened otherwise.  Now ,if we remove just the part whit the comeback for the trip ,how you can describe this trip when you are child ?? Even like adult , when you suppose to know everything, How you describe indescribable  ? It was dream? It was samadhi? It was a meeting with God? It was awakening? It was enlightening experience?

 

What happened 8 hours later was even more unbelievable. So 8 hours later at midnight ,the ayahuasca ceremony took place . During the trip with ayahuasca, i had a flashback quite similar with 5 Meo -Dmt but with a strong infusion of Dmt  vivid visons from ayahuasca brew.This time because the journey with ayahuasca lasts between 4-6 hours ,was much too much for me.I felt like it would never end.. As I closed my eyes I began to enter an infinite game of creation.I witnessed an endless creation of universe that unfolds with an indescribable speed. Panic began to dominate me. Me like a person did not control that . I went and woke up one of the people who watched us during the ayahuasca ceremony.. I tried to explain to her what was going on with me but I saw how helpless she was in helping me.The only thing I could do was give up myself to the situation.To be honest ,how can someone help you in this situation.? She stayed up with me all night and until 10 o'clock in the morning.She talked and walked with me outside in the garden all this time trying keep me here on earth. I had lost my entire egotic identity, now  i am just Pure Presence. I was omnipresent and omnipotent.  You know this infinite power scare you , if you’re not ready yet for her .After a period of time I became aware of the physical body ,but with great efforts and at the same time, I think due to the decrease of the  dmt  dose in my body system. I remember one time when I went to bathroom, I looked in the mirror to see if I still have my face.?.In the afternoon I tried to sleep a bit but couldn’t.,  my mind had become infinite, and this power that was present in me did not let me sleep.That strong energy was still present in the body ,couple days afterward. Like I was connected to a nuclear power plant.   My mind was fucked up. Every vision I had blow my mind. I never thought someone can experience something like this. So now I ask you ,when you think the Awakening took place ?? When I was a child or two years ago when happened  what I talking about??  Tricky , weird and amazing in the same time  isn ‘t it.

You remember that stupid thought, that totally upset me and got me scared ,“ I will gonna die”? Now it's gone by itself. You know why.? Because I  was really fucking dead.

Of course, I could write more in detail, but I tried to extract only the essentials.

 What I experienced directly in about 24 hours ,under the influence of this amazing technology that is 5 Meo Dmt  and ayahuasca ,can never be accurately described.

And not because we do not have the necessary resource, but because we are the resource itself. How you can describe , indescribable.? You can’t. In fact Here is nothing to be described. So what followed in the next two years after and until today, is a  intense process which led me to enlightenment and in which all knowledge must be incorporated into daily life.

 Now I will tell you what happens in the next two years after the spiritual awakening.After this deep awakening, at a distance of a month and a half, I experienced the second ceremony with ayahuasca and 5 Meo Dmt, in the same place in Spain.There is a lot to say about the second experience with 5 Meo-Dmt, but maybe another time.After all this I decided to start meditating again, because I still had doubts about the method by which the spiritual awakening took place.I still couldn't believe that psychedelics can do so. Mostly it was due to my deep rooted belief ,that spiritual awakening can only take place just through the traditional methods,like meditation, self- enquiring, contemplation.I was wrong, they working better together. A single experience with 5 Meo -dmt makes ten years of yoga and meditation no longer matter.But yoga istill counts as the foundation of any psychedelic experience.Because if the foundation is not good then the house is ruined. If you want real progress, on the spiritual path, this combination of traditional yogic  methods and psychedelic could be the ideal method, if you have an open mind ,of course . After the awakening experience, I became very conscious and reach a high level of consciousness  ,this helped me a lot in practicing meditation effortless All this time I saw  again after many years a lot of the teachings of Mooji, Adhyashanti, Sadhguru, I saw the whole category with films about enlightenment, non-duality, meditation and not only  on Leo's blog. I read again a lot of books of Ramana Maharshi, Nisarghadata Maharaj,, Eckhart Tolle, Lao Tzu,books like Vivekachundamani,Yoga Vasistha,Baghavad Gita, Patanjali- Yoga Sutra,documents about Wei-Wu-Wei,  zen buddism,holographic reallity ,non -duality. I suck all the information like a sponge, because now I understand everything, and everything makes sense.The meditation session were initially about 40-45 minutes ,after which they rose at one and a half hours and later ,at three and a half hours. I started meditating again with the mantra Aum, but soon I replaced the mantra with a method taken from the book Vijnana Bairava Tantra. This technique involves following the breaks between thoughts ,and penetrating through this pause beyond the mind in absolute silence.

This is an advanced technique, but wasn’t a problem for me.  I felt that I needed a very powerful method to invest whole the spiritual energy, that I had accumulated from previous experiences .This technique implies a very good concentration and the power of observing thoughts without identifying with them. Basically you are always careful not to cling to any thought, always remaining in the void between thoughts.At the beginning, of course, the pause is practically unobservable or very small, let's say for a second, but as you progress in practicing it the pause will get bigger and bigger.Virtually all you have to do is to be careful that every time you notice that you are clinging to a thought, you will remember and return to the void between them.And at the master's level of technique you will remain absorbed in the pause between two thoughts, which have now increased considerably, regardless of the flow of thoughts running in the background. An advice, don’t trust in your rational mind.

Three or four months later after I started to practice this technique, during a meditation, I suddenly began to hear an inner sound.This sound cannot be described in words, others called it "the music of the spheres", but I called it "the sound of absolute quietness ". Of course, silence cannot be a sound in a rational explanation, but this is a paradox.Have you ever tried to listen the silence ? You will be surprised when you understand that ,here is nothing just Absolute Silence.

I was surprised by his appearance ,and in the first phase, I did not understand his meaning. Then I realized that this is the reward of my work. I had passed beyond my mind. I had passed through the void between thoughts in the Infinite Emptyness. From this point, my meditation turned into absorption into Infinite Tranquility. Thus I understood that sound was a huge help in my meditations. In fact I was doing nothing ,but sit and listen to the “sound of quietness “.And I continued to meditate until ,I realized the true nature of my being. .Only in absolute tranquility the light of the True Self can be seen. To be able to understand that ,,I am a  Pure Consciousness.”, I must gave up even this divine sound , (don’t understand wrong sound is here , he can’t go anywhere ?) Now i am aware about my awareness.

In these last two years I have had many illuminating experiences( satori) on different levels of understanding. Do you  know that “ A-HA” moment which every enlightened being talking about,  is so very thrut ,profund  and simple. This is the reason why is called “A-HA” , because is so simple.What is Real Self ?, what is Reality?, or what mean enlightenment? Is nothing you can imagine or thinking.  It’s beyond your imagination. Because whatever you will imagine ,you already are.Here exist just one infinite reality, that is Reality of I AM . To this Reality you cannot give it any form and no name, and no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to comprehend its infinity in any form, regardless of its nature.     I have even experienced the awakening of the kundalini energy, for four times. Years ago I was curious to experience this, after reading the stories of others. I didn't ask for that, but my intuition was telling me it was going to happen.But now after it happened to me ,I’m not sure if I would like to experimence again anymore.  I did not know never when it will happen, but when he woke up it completely paralyzed me. It is so strong that I remained with the jaws clenched , I had the impression that my teeth would break. My mind was stuck, my whole body was vibrating strongly and I could do nothing but observe how this energy walks through my body like a snake. Yes indeed, was feeling like a real snake inside my  body , making space through my head. It was so terrifying the first time,after that I started getting used to it a bit.But if I add the element of surprise, that I never knew when the next time would be ,and under what conditions it will happen, nothing changes much ?.These  traditionally techniques boosted with lsd, ayahuasca, dmt and 5-meo-dmt , make me feel like a rocket that did not deviate from its path to Mars. It's the best combination ever.It doesn't matter that I am involved in daily activities or not, that I meditate or sleep, that I have sex or watch a movie, that I contemplate or think, I am present Here and Now .Finally I transcended the mind, Now I am this Infinite Monolithic Presence.I am the center, that has no center. I am beyond all Gods who have ever existed and will ever exist.I am a Pure Being.

I will share with you ,two things that others call paranormal powers (siddhis), they are like a gift received for my work.

 1.   Now I am so concious, that no thought, emotion or feeling that appears on the screen of the mind ,can’t pass unnoticed and of course that, I do not identify with anything. They can no longer cling to me.The strongest laughter I have ever had and I still have , when I see how  rationally mind and thoughts work and how they can create an identity where there is none. You understand how unbiased you must be with yourself and others to have this laugh?  To laugh at your own thoughts and not to believe them?. That mean zero judgement. Doesn’t  matter mind is active  or not,I  am  always the  invisible still witness, which rest on highest level of consciousness of myself . I am Here in  this Present Moment,always . Can you imagine what it is like to remain still and silent in the midst of a mental storm  of daily life,for a day? Or for a week? Do you can imagine how is to use mind just when you need?        2.  Now I can be in any body I want, I can practically feel what it is like to be in another body and have a different shape. I can be you, no matter how you look and who you think you are.I can feel through your body. I can take any form and feel what it is like to be any form. I am anything ,everything and nothing simultaneously.  Now there is no difference between me and the others, because there is no "me" and  no "the others". Here only One and Infinite Consciousness exists.They call that Omnipresence.  They are permanent state of “mine”. But i am so aware about that ,even these high states cannot define me,  because I am the Pure Being from whom nothing can be attached. I am in a state without any state. I am Nothingness . I just exist.       I hope this example will motivate and keep you on the spiritual path to the end. However, all that I have written here is not real and ultimate  true,  you no need to believe me. Do your own research and then open it for the Ultimate Truth to fill you..This  is a dream that is part of another bigger dream, which in turn is part of another biggest dream, and that goes on into an infinitely fractalic dream..Here exist only One and Absolute Reality ,and it cannot be expressed by any form of expression. IT JUST IS.

Thank you everyone.?

[Nahm]

@Eu Sint You’re hilarious! Thanks for that. Great share!

[zeroISinfinity]

@Eu Sint Could You morph. Dunno do I want to type this I Will I do not give a damn. 

Yes You Can morph and merge into "objects". How freekin cool is that. 

There is even lets describe it as "Flow of Love". It is Just fascinating I Just can't really put it in words. People would Probably think I lost my mind. 

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Eu Sint said:

The next year I found a place in Spain where I could experience ayahuasca  ceremony ,and a nice surprise, 5 Meo-Dmt. It was the first time I heard of this substance. After doing my own research , I was impressed and told myself that is what I need. Although it is the most powerful drug in the world and scared me to death, my intuition told me to try it. So I went in Spain two times,where I had a total of four experiences with ayahuasca and two with 5 Meo -Dmt. An interesting thing was that, before about two weeks to experience 5 Meo -Dmt and ayahuasca, this thought appeared in  my mind ,"you will  gonna die".

I'm pretty sure that this that you are describing is the retreat I did this weekend.

 

1 hour ago, Eu Sint said:

During the trip with ayahuasca, i had a flashback quite similar with 5 Meo -Dmt but with a strong infusion of Dmt  vivid visons from ayahuasca brew.This time because the journey with ayahuasca lasts between 4-6 hours ,was much too much for me.I felt like it would never end.. As I closed my eyes I began to enter an infinite game of creation.I witnessed an endless creation of universe that unfolds with an indescribable speed. Panic began to dominate me. Me like a person did not control that . I went and woke up one of the people who watched us during the ayahuasca ceremony.. I tried to explain to her what was going on with me but I saw how helpless she was in helping me.The only thing I could do was give up myself to the situation.To be honest ,how can someone help you in this situation.? She stayed up with me all night and until 10 o'clock in the morning.She talked and walked with me outside in the garden all this time trying keep me here on earth. I had lost my entire egotic identity, now  i am just Pure Presence. I was omnipresent and omnipotent.  You know this infinite power scare you , if you’re not ready yet for her .After a period of time I became aware of the physical body ,but with great efforts and at the same time, I think due to the decrease of the  dmt  dose in my body system. I remember one time when I went to bathroom, I looked in the mirror to see if I still have my face.?.In the afternoon I tried to sleep a bit but couldn’t.,  my mind had become infinite, and this power that was present in me did not let me sleep.That strong energy was still present in the body ,couple days afterward. Like I was connected to a nuclear power plant.   My mind was fucked up. Every vision I had blow my mind. I never thought someone can experience something like this.

Yes! Jesus, I can totally relate to what you're describing here... I might write about my experience as well soon.

Thanks for the great share, welcome to the forum! 

[Manjushri]

really enjoyed the story. thank you so much

i burst out in laughter at the not identifying with your thoughts part. Oh, I'm so damn silly, how can I keep believing all these silly stories...

much love

[Sempiternity]

Great share, thanks!

[Jkris]

@Eu Sint Nice ???

[reves]

Awesome, thanks for sharing!

[R-Type]

Thanks for sharing, it was very nice to read through your story. 

Did your experiences and change influence the relationship to your friends and family? If so, how? 

[VeganAwake]

Yes I refer to it as a pregnant nothingness. Labels and beliefs cannot attach themselves anymore because there is nothing there. 

Thank you so much for sharing that is an incredible story.

[SoonHei]

xoxoxoxo

[allislove]

You won award the best first post on this forum.

[Eu Sint]

Thank you all for the warm welcome and I am glad I brought a smile on your face. Of course I am aware of how the whole story ,sounds in “my English“and how it should be in “your English “?

[SoonHei]

@Eu Sint sounds amazing

[Jonac]

Cool. I like how you address the importance of traditional practices with psychedelics. 

[Jonac]

Also we would like to hear more from your experience. You could make a pdf or something, so we can download and read it. 

[Waken]

Thank you for sharing, I felt it gave me some new thoughts :-)

[Eu Sint]

@R-Type When you follow the path of enlightenment, you must be aware of the obstacles you will  meet on the way.You have to be honest and recognize that ,they are obstacles on the way to your progress. You need let them go.I had divorced, but we maintain the best relationships. We are better friends than before.In the last 5 years I have been alone, without womens and without friends, because on this path you need go alone. I have replaced their lack with meditation and contemplation .Of course I have some friends, friend by name only.?In today’s”society  ,who wants to be friend with someone “who claims to be God”???.I don't know if needs to be this way for everyone, but in my case it was more than necessary.I know, loneliness scares us, but ,the ultimate Truth is:  Here is no one else , just You alone are. And somehow we have to get used to it

[KP_Spirituality27]

beatifiulll... inspiring, amazing... thanks you for sharing