Do I Deserve Happiness And Success?

[isabel]

I'm carrying horrible guilt for things that happened when I was younger.

Mostly because, I had a boyfriend who ended up raping my little sister and caused my grandfather to die. I had nothing to do with either of those things, but if I had not brought him into our lives that would not have happened. Also, I broke up with him and kicked him out of my house, that's when and why he went to my grandparents home and all that happened and my grandfather died. It was 30 years ago.

So I want your opinion. How responsible am I for what happened? Please be honest. How can I ever have anything good in my life for myself if I caused something like this to happen? What can I do to make up for what happened?

[Psychonaut]

Go to a psychotherapist.

[Kimasxi]

On 18.05.2016 at 11:22 PM, isabel said:

I'm carrying horrible guilt for things that happened when I was younger.

Mostly because, I had a boyfriend who ended up raping my little sister and caused my grandfather to die. […] It was 30 years ago.

This is really serious, but you had no way of knowing he would do that, right? Was there any way you could have known it?

[Elton]

@isabel the past is not real, try to find a seed of equivalent benifit from that experience, could you let go of the past and keep it where it is and not carry it with you wherever you go?  Open your eyes, all that guilt is in your mind its not reality, reality is whats infront of your eyes, let go of the past live in the present moment, now..  check out videos of Actualized.org in the depression section and meditation and spiritual enlightenment section please take this action step.

[Ayla]

@isabel

 

[CuteCornDog]

We all make mistakes.

I could have done a lot of things differently when I was younger, but you know what? We live and learn.

[egoeimai]

Yes YOU DERSERVE happiness. It wasnt your fault.

[Caroline]

I'm addicted to people.

Find it hard to do things by myself 

I get depressed when i'm alone

 

[J. M. Wigglesworth]

Do you deserve happiness and success? Actually, nobody technically deserves either one. They are experienced and earned, respectively. When you have them, that is when you deserve them and not a moment sooner. 

 

Confusing? I'll tell it to you straight. It doesn't matter if you think you deserve it or not. What matters is if on a core level, you want these things in your life and if you take action to get them. That's it. If you do, then you need to overhaul your self-image. I mean a serious, life-altering identity shift that may take months and years that will allow you to be in alignment with what you really want. This is much more powerful than simple deserving. This is becoming success and happiness. Do you want that? Honestly, that's not a rhetorical question( hard to tell from the tone of your post). If so, you have work to being doing. If not, you should still clear up that guilt using a core identity shift. Move from "Bringer of catastrophe" to "Just trying to live the best I can" After all, that's all you really can do. Could a lady who told young Hitler his paintings were garbage be responsible for the holocaust? No. Because it was Hitler who created the Third Reich that fed off of anti-semitism, not an opinionated art teacher. 

 

[charlie2dogs]

On 5/18/2016 at 5:22 PM, isabel said:

I'm carrying horrible guilt for things that happened when I was younger.

Mostly because, I had a boyfriend who ended up raping my little sister and caused my grandfather to die. I had nothing to do with either of those things, but if I had not brought him into our lives that would not have happened. Also, I broke up with him and kicked him out of my house, that's when and why he went to my grandparents home and all that happened and my grandfather died. It was 30 years ago.

So I want your opinion. How responsible am I for what happened? Please be honest. How can I ever have anything good in my life for myself if I caused something like this to happen? What can I do to make up for what happened?

you are not responsible for his horrible actions, drop the guilt you have carried it too long. be still, and in your mind say to yourself i am not responsible for his actions, say it until you can accept it, then see all the guilt gathered in one clenched hand, now open the hand and blow the guilt away, and dont go back to it again, it did not belong to you. i am sorry for you loss, i am sorry that you have carried this guilt all this time, with no one to help you free yourself from it.  if i can be of help send me a private message.

Edited July 5, 2016 by charlie2dogs

[Pallero]

On 5/18/2016 at 0:22 AM, isabel said:

How responsible am I for what happened? Please be honest. How can I ever have anything good in my life for myself if I caused something like this to happen? What can I do to make up for what happened?

@isabel You didn't know what he would do and there's no way you could have known. Even if you had known, you can't control what other people do anyway.

Truth is, it happened. Can you undo it? No. But you can live with it. You have to forgive yourself and accept that it happened. This can be a long process.

Since you feel like you did something wrong, ask yourself this question: if somebody does something bad, is it better to punish them and make them feel bad, or help them and make them feel better? Which alternative sounds more beneficial for the future?

[MIARIVEL]

@isabel It is true what others have said here. Sometimes we make bad decisions and we don't know it at the time (for example, sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with) and then later find out that person was bad for us. But everything in life is a lesson and everyone who comes into our life is here to teach us a lesson or is a blessing to our life. 

Don't waste time blaming yourself for any of this. It has no purpose blaming yourself. Learn to forgive yourself, know that what has happened is horrible, but know that you are going to do everything in your power to make the rest of your life the best of your life. Let go of the pain, the guilt and every feeling that does not serve you, work on you and bettering yourself, making wiser decisions in the future, and don't let this be a set back, keep moving forward. 

[Allinthemind]

Your guilt/self-blame/responsibility markers are high. You brought a person into your life that you believed to be good. When you knew better, you did the right to expel him. You are not accountable for the actions that he chose to take.

When you can forgive yourself for this responsibility, you will be free from this guilt. You deserve this.

[Beam]

 

Don't blame yourself as its his deed blame him , then forgive him so you can move on free of guilt or hate

[Capethaz]

@isabel The basic stuff. Watch Leo's videos, Meditation, instropection...