I have created a double ego so I can talk with myself, for hours.

[Pouya]

Do I have a mental problem? 

Over the years, my self talk got more severe and intense. If someone hears me self-talk, which I do it out-loud like talking to someone, they can easily assume I'm talking to a distinct person.

Today I talked with myself loudly so much I suddenly became aware about something,

I have 2 very different egos, with distinct personalities, almost like 2 different people. One is the guy who talks a lot and he's an extrovert, and the other is a receptive listener and is an introvert guy. I experience the introvert guy in first person and the extrovert guy in second/third person. I talk to the mirror. The first person introvert talks in thoughts and asks questions, contemplates, is a skeptic and thinks logically and rationally in lineal fashion. He is a serious guy. The second/third person extrovert talks with sounds and answers question, suggests solutions, is charismatic and very friendly and has a good sense of humor. 

I feel like I am the extrovert when I'm with my friends and the introvert is in the background, and when I'm alone somewhere, they get divided and the extrovert goes outside and talks with the introvert.

I feel very delusional and this process of these two guys communicating with each other is soooooooooo oddly satisfying that it can go on for hours and hours and hours, even days if possible, until they get interrupted by someone and I go back to being extrovert.

If you can't understand, imagine you could beat yourself in chess. There was a You1 and You2 that thought differently and were 2 different people as you.

I have this condition for at least 6 7 years.

I also played alone with toys and stuff for hours as a kid.

Edited September 23, 2019 by Pouya

[Pouya]

Like Imagine you had a close friend who knew literally everything about you. It feels like that. I love it.

[Synchronicity]

Yeah I getcha. It feels like having a friend who’s completely in synch with your mind to the point of two friends sharing one mind.

Only worry about this if it’s hindering your life or the life of others around you.  For example one woman had split personalities and one of them went off and bought a very expensive car. However, If these personalities are helping you, I see no need to worry. Just treat them as parts of the whole

[ttom]

You have identified that your sense of a self is not a concrete whole, but an inconsistent alternation between two versions of yourself. Could it be that there are many more of these sub-personalities hiding under the guise of "self"?

If you explore this more deeply you will stumble across some great insights. Once you discover the fluidity of your identity, you're not far from discovering the self as an illusion.

One day I was sitting on a park bench contemplating why I act differently around different people. Then it occurred to me that these different personalities weren't just extensions of my identity. They were micro-identities themselves. For example, the identity I embody when conversing with my younger sister shares very little in common with the identity I embody when at work. So much so, that you may ask yourself the question - "Which one of these identities is me?". If you sit with this long enough, you will realise that this thing you were calling a "self" is more like a process made up of patterns. When you see that you are a 'process' and not a 'thing', it opens you up to see that this process that is "you" did not begin at your birth, it has been unfolding since the beginning of time.

Then you can start exploring whether this process is actually a process, or if that is also an illusion. A process implies time and if time is an illusion then maybe existence is just one infinite thing that IS.

In his book Memories, dreams and reflections, Carl Jung talks about discovering a split in his personality at very jung age. I found his explanation of this very intriguing. Feel free to check it out. 

 

[Pouya]

@Synchronicity They helped me communicate with many types of people. But this comes out awkward or weird to people when they see it happen.

@ttom Yeah, they seems like no body is putting on masks to communicate.

@Mikael89 I don't think that's a lack, that's just how you identify with and how it affects the behaviors.

[kag101]

Do you use drugs?

[Pouya]

@kag101 nope, haven't tried any psychedelics or drugs. 

[Waken]

@Pouya You feel it has it beneficial sides? I can imagine it could work, for example for contemplation
What do you feel changed since you've done it? Positive and negative points I'd love to hear :-)

[Pouya]

@Waken I'm good at communicating and talking to a group of people without a problem. Maybe this cause me to be more fluent. Like I'm actually practicing talking with someone.

The only negative sides I see are I can waste hours just by me being alone somewhere, and people usually don't find it normal when they catch me doing it.

I think I developed what I can Outside-Thinking. My monkey mind presents itself with talking not internal diologue. 

I guess almost everyone has continious internal diologue and mine tends to turn into talking between two characters.

[seeking_brilliance]

Pouya, you have created a tulpa or a servitor (like a tulpa but not self-sentient). Enjoy. 

[pluto]

Only double?

[Pouya]

@seeking_brilliance I heard about it. I guess my tulpa is a alternative Pouya talking to Pouya.

@pluto Time to recruit more people for the gang

 

[Moreira]

only one ego can be in the present moment, so you are playing mental games and feel ok with that

[seeking_brilliance]

9 minutes ago, Pouya said:

@seeking_brilliance I heard about it. I guess my tulpa is a alternative Pouya talking to Pouya.

@pluto

Sure what else would it be

[Danioover9000]

   I can relate to this. As far as I can tell from what you said, there's no significant problems. There could be potentially a problem when someone does catch you doing it, which is why I practiced internal dialogue with myself and Crysty.

   Another problem is related to spirituality. If you, say, were planning on doing meditation or mindfulness meditation and that voice can increase in volume it can effect your focus. If you have this problem, try doing kryna yogia doing th alternate nose thing practice. I've done it and usually it quiets the mental voices.

[Danioover9000]

1 minute ago, Danioover9000 said:

   I can relate to this. As far as I can tell from what you said, there's no significant problems. There could be potentially a problem when someone does catch you doing it, which is why I practiced internal dialogue with myself and Crysty.

   Another problem is related to spirituality. If you, say, were planning on doing meditation or mindfulness meditation and that voice can increase in volume it can effect your focus. If you have this problem, try doing kryna yogia doing th alternate nose thing practice. I've done it and usually it quiets the mental voices.

   My state of consciousness is tiredness right now so excuse my badly written English. I meant 'try doing Kriya yoga alternate nostril breathing.'.

[Commodent]

IMO two egos are better than one. By realizing that you're kinda beating the ego at its own game. There are probably even more parts of you that you are not aware of, which is really the case for everybody. We all like to believe we are one coherent whole, but there are usually several conflicting parts fighting against each other.

See IFS.

[Pouya]

@Commodent yeah it's like switching masks or characters in a video game. Who is switching the roles?

Who is always there even without these egos?

[Commodent]

@Pouya Yeah, who is watching what is going on? Does it have an understanding of the whole? Also, can it talk?

[hamedsf]

As a person named "POUYA" should understand that any self-talk or sub-vocalization of all kind are the actions done by the EGO.

so if you try to turn off the inner voice for a while, you may see the benefits of being relaxed inside all the time.

have you ever heard about that before as a consciousness development technique?

even though, I can't claim that I'm conscious most of the time, but I can boldly claim that my inner voice is off 99% of the time.

and be aware that as individuals, we don't have a solid fixed personality inside our EGO. we have multiple and the one can be dominant among others related to the conditions, situation and factors. this is called "fragmentation" in the psychology.