Commiting to meditation, dealing with anxiety & ADD

[aklacor727]

Has anyone else not incorporated a daily meditation habit into their life yet?

I do feel somewhat guilty and self judgmental that I haven't, because I am aware of how helpful the results will be in my life. 

One of my main struggles that I hope to overcome is my social anxiety. I just want to feel comfortable and at ease in these social situations.  I notice myself in my head alot rather than being present,  which then feeds back into the anxiety because if i am not focused and fully present that obviously causes me to not be able to include myself in the conversations as much,  from not always even knowing what is going on since my focus is so all over the place and in my head.  Every so often i wonder if i do actually have ADD, i have been like this for as long as i can remember even as a child. I do recall a traumatizing social situation as a child,  very early like kindergarten, so alot of it probably did stem from that. Not really an issue during one on one interactions (i am actually a hairstylist so i do a lot of that) or when i am with people i am fully comfortable with. This is much moreso an issue in group settings.

Anyway. I plan to quit smoking cigarettes when i finish the last few i have left, and will be replacing that habit with a serious commitment to daily meditation. If i can succeed at this,  it will seriously be amazing for my life.  

Please wish me luck on my success...and i am always appreciative of any advice.  I have also been reading one of leo's book recommendations Mastery,  so I am hoping the awareness and wisdom from that will help me succeed even more on developing and maintaining this habit.

 

[Jonac]

Go ahead. I wish you the best. The book Mastery has some cool insights about homeostasis that you gonna remember during the practices. Be careful of going full gas though, you may broke yourself. 

[aklacor727]

@Jonac thank you, and yes absolutely...i definitely have a past of maybe being a tad too results oriented, and from the book i would definitely set myself along the lines of the obsessive type lol.   I really liked how in leo's video on intro to meditation he stresses that with a 20 minute daily practice the only failure is not doing it. If you do it, you have succeeded. Even if youre sucking at it lol which i fully expect myself to be at first. 

[ajasatya]

@aklacor727 Beware. If you practice meditation with expectations it might get worse. You don't practice meditation craving for a future result. You just sit in silence. Shikantaza.

I highly recommend that you find a Sangha to practice with.

[aklacor727]

@ajasatya very true... i definitely don't want to fall in that trap, as i have in the past with other attempts on developing certain habits to achieve certain results. 

But i do have goals, and my main goal in life is becoming the most fulfilled version of myself that I can be, and I know meditation will be a huge stepping stone in that direction..

My hope is that eventually i can do meditation moreso just for the sake of enjoying it. But yea, initially my main motivating factor is hoping to overcome the anxiety thing i mentioned

[ajasatya]

@aklacor727 What would stop you from sitting in meditation for 10 minutes right now?

[aklacor727]

@ajasatya in all honesty, and i know this probably sounds dumb lol, the combination of my brother living here, and having an obnoxious dog has been a major deterrance. I used to just put my dog in my room and meditate out in the living room but now that my brother lives here it'd be awkwardness. I can do it in my bedroom and put my dog out of my room with a gate blocking him from getting to my door and scratching at it. So not that its stopping me, just more of a hassle and deterrance that makes it not as easy and organic of a process of actually sitting down to do it than i would like. 

But thank you for asking me that,  actually writing out my reasoning makes me realize that it actually shouldn't be that much of an issue lol

[ajasatya]

@aklacor727 Here's a clue for you: the mind will always come up with reasons not to meditate, regardless of your context. Why is that?

Because meditation scares the mind. Deep meditation is the cessation of the mental turbulence. And you, as someone still highly attached to the mental activities, will be tempted to skip it every time.

Believe me... even if you lived in an isolated place with the perfect conditions to practice meditation, you'd still find your way out to avoid practicing it. This is why you gotta make a counter-intuitive move.

Just sit in meditation right now. Even if it's for 5 minutes. It doesn't need to be on the ground.

Or hell, just close your eyes and do one cycle of mindful breathing. Breathe in and breathe out slowly as you feel your muscles stretch. Why the ceremony?

[aklacor727]

@ajasatya very true, i definitely agree with you on that. 

I do notice myself reasoning and justifying myself out if it, for other reasons as well. N i know deep down part of the reason why i made this post is because im scared its just going to be another failed attempt.

But i am hoping to learn from my past mistakes

[ajasatya]

1 minute ago, aklacor727 said:

im scared its just going to be another failed attempt

I'm sorry to say this but you're already failing by building up expectation. "I'm afraid this is going to be another failed attempt". BEEEEEMP.

And you're still resisting it by postponing it. There is no future meditation. You will never meditate tomorrow. You can only meditate now.

I'm done for now. Good luck.

[aklacor727]

@ajasatya Just being honest.. ? thank you for your wisdom and support and taking the time to respond to me

[ttom]

Hi, @aklacor727 Here's a few things that were essential to the development of my practice. Good luck  

Have a target duration for high motivation days and a different target for low motivation days. After experimenting with the implementation of habits you will inevitably come to realise that motivation comes in waves. It's very easy to drop practices during the low motivation phases when your expectations are too high. If your target practice duration is 20minutes. Make that your aim on good days but set your target at 5 minutes for tough days. Consistency is more important than quality during the period before the habit is established and automated. 

 

Be hyper-realistic when setting target durations. Most people radically overestimate their ability to meditate for a set period at a consistent frequency. Meditating for 3 minutes a day won't bring much joy in the form of results, but it may be necessary in order to establish the behavior. Try to view the bigger picture. I know many people who have spent over a year attempting to establish a consistent 20 minute. Why not start with 5 minutes, and increase this by 5 minutes every month. Within 1 year you will have established a 1-hour practice in a very effortless manner. 

 

Dedicate a specific location to your practice and only practice in this spot. The is useful because your body and mind are primed to associate this location with your practice and your nervous system will begin to anticipate the behavior of practice when you sit there. It also helps eliminate the decision of where to practice which saps more willpower. 

 

Practice at the same time each day. As with the idea above, this will prime your body & mind and reduce the required will power. 

 

Create a positive association with practice. Not every sit is going to be a pleasant one but your overall feelings toward practice need to be positive, otherwise, it will be very difficult to sustain. Make sure you're constantly honing in on the pleasant aspects and re-framing the negatives ones. Build a relationship to practice where you look forward to sitting. If you do not feel this way, explore possible re-frames that positively impact your outlook. 

 

Build relationships that support your practice. It was already mentioned above, but joining a Sangha is incredibly beneficial. If you can't find a pre-existing one. Try finding a buddy or two to practice with once or twice a week. Accountability alone makes this worthwhile. 

 

Understand your practice and the path. There's nothing more demotivating than questioning if you are practicing "right". I personally feel as though reading the following two books will give you a comprehensive understanding of technique and progression. Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha by Daniel Ingram. The illuminated mind by Jeremy Graves & Matthew Immergut. While there is an entire world of different spiritual practices, I found these two books to be a great overview of Buddhist meditation and the territory you will encounter as your spiritual practice progresses. 

 

Making your spiritual practice this mechanical can be detrimental in the long run, so think of these structures as training wheels. When you are a dedicated practitioner, you can practice in a more organic and fluid manner. Before then, it really helps to assemble some processes and structures to assist in establishing the habit.

[flowboy]

@aklacor727  If you are committed, you could make a journal in the section Self-Actualization Journals. I'd follow and encourage.

[aklacor727]

@ttom

SO much helpful information there!! Thank you ?

[flowboy]

On 9/23/2019 at 3:05 AM, ajasatya said:

@aklacor727 What would stop you from sitting in meditation for 10 minutes right now?