Attracting girls, the deep issue

[Ananta]

@CultivateLove Dont like my posts, then dont read them. It's very simple. My opinions are just that, opinions. Get over it!

* Theres an "ignore" function on this site. Maybe you should use it.

Edit - Seems his post is gone now...lol.. poof!

Edited September 29, 2019 by Anna1

[CultivateLove]

@Anna1 I came back to this thread to delete my comment and to apologize to you, It was way too personal, presumptuous and irrational. It actually had nothing to do with you, I just wasn't "myself" momentarily due to some internal and external factors, it's a bit personal and complicated so I won't drown you with the details. At the very least I learned something valuable about myself and what causes me to act in a self-destructive ways sometimes. I say self-destructive because even at my worst, it's very rare for me to lash out on others, especially if not provoked.

(Hint for those into MBTI: I need to be careful to take care of my 4'th cognitive function (Se) in a healthy way, or else it always manifests in a burst of over-indulgence of sensory pleasures, and sometimes this can go a little too far to the point of having indulged so much that I can barely think straight anymore, a common obstacle to be faced and hopefully overcome by my type ) (Hint 2: That type is very idealistic and perfectionistic, so being told to lower one's standards rather than growing to meet those standards, will most likely not result in mutual agreement, but that does not excuse my behavior). 

And again, I apologize, I hope we can move past this and maybe even laugh about it one day if fate leads us on the same path again, have an awesome day

 

 

[Ananta]

23 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

@Anna1 I came back to this thread to delete my comment and to apologize to you, It was way too personal, presumptuous and irrational. It actually had nothing to do with you, I just wasn't "myself" momentarily due to some internal and external factors, it's a bit personal and complicated so I won't drown you with the details. At the very least I learned something valuable about myself and what causes me to act in a self-destructive ways sometimes. I say self-destructive because even at my worst, it's very rare for me to lash out on others, especially if not provoked.

(Hint for those into MBTI: I need to be careful to take care of my 4'th cognitive function (Se) in a healthy way, or else it always manifests in a burst of over-indulgence of sensory pleasures, and sometimes this can go a little too far to the point of having indulged so much that I can barely think straight anymore, a common obstacle to be faced and hopefully overcome by my type ) (Hint 2: That type is very idealistic and perfectionistic, so being told to lower one's standards rather than growing to meet those standards, will most likely not result in mutual agreement, but that does not excuse my behavior). 

And again, I apologize, I hope we can move past this and maybe even laugh about it one day if fate leads us on the same path again, have an awesome day

 

 

It's okay. I understand.

Most would just call someone an asshole (you might as well have) and been done with it, but you came back to apologize, even if it took 3 days..., but late is better than never.

 

[DrewNows]

i attract girls like i attract my next meal. Sneak up on them then scare the crap out of them 

[Ananta]

9 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

i attract girls like i attract my next meal. Sneak up on them then scare the crap out of them 

hilarious!

[DrewNows]

@Anna1 hey nice profi (serious compliment btw  )

Edited October 1, 2019 by DrewNows

[Ananta]

@DrewNows thanks, 

 

Edited October 1, 2019 by Anna1

[Ananta]

@RawJudah @CultivateLove

Ok, so, here's the real reason I wrote what I wrote.

I feel very badly for girls now a days. Most men just wanting a "hot" girl and after reading thread after thread on this forum basically saying the same thing- "I want a hot girl". It just irritated me.

How about wanting someone you personally are attracted to who is smart, kind, funny and caring? Why is just "hot" the golden ticket. I just dont get it.

So many girls getting plastic surgeries and have eating disorders trying to be a perfect "hot" girl, so they can get a BF. It's ridiculous. 

... having good chemistry with someone beats out anything else in my book! ?

Anyways, OP good luck with it all, really. Sorry you got my wrath.

 

Edited October 1, 2019 by Anna1

[RawJudah]

@Anna1 All I was really asking is what is the deep fear of approaching the most attractive girls, when approaching lesser attractive girls isn’t much of a problem. 

It’s not that I really want the attractive girl, I just wanna be able to talk to anyone without the fear of talking to them beforehand. Which some guys seem to be perfectly ok with, others - like myself - not so. 

I wondered if there was a deep issue maybe going back to childhood or something like that. 

I try to see the person for who they really are, to me that’s a better trait. Although looks are important! They have to be. 

Didn't mean to complicate it, and thank you for the replies. It’s even better when a female replies too, so an extra thank you. 

 

[CultivateLove]

@Anna1 That I can absolutely agree with. In today's world, the majority of people place too much value on shallow things, such as looks, social status, material wealth, managing other people's perception of them as opposed to authenticity etc. Our society is sick, and people are suffering for it. This has always hurt me on a deep level for many years. 

The thing is with relationships though is, shallow people will attract other shallow people. Like attracts like. (opposites attract too, but opposites can also be on the same "level" if you know what I mean) 

For me personally, if a girl is physically attractive, but has shallow characteristic traits, I won't even have a one night stand with her. Sometimes some of my friends have looked at me with a shocked "wtf dude?" type of expression after seeing me bail on really attractive girl on a night out because of the words coming out of her mouth.  I'd rather be alone over being with someone who is physically attractive but no depth of character. Sadly that isn't true for everyone. 

But to deny that looks don't matter to me at all would be a lie. More accurately, a healthy lifestyle matters a lot to me. I couldn't be in a relationship either with someone who regularly eats junk food or starves themselves, and doesn't take basic care of their health and well-being, because that too shapes who you are and who you will become as a person. Body and mind are one. Also spending a lot of time with someone with unhealthy habits, will rub some of those unhealthy habits onto you. 

 

Edited October 2, 2019 by CultivateLove

[Ananta]

12 hours ago, RawJudah said:

I wondered if there was a deep issue maybe going back to childhood or something like that. 

 

Well, I actually agree with what @Leo Gura said on here...

He said-

>>>>Fear of being rejected, fear of blowing the chance.

The hotter the girl, the more you put her on a pedestal, the more you feel you need to impress her.<<<

...and, it really boils down to self-esteem and self confidence. If a guy is confident then he can walk right up to any girl and start talking. If he gets rejected, he just moves on to the next without beating himself up. Maybe he just wasnt that girls type, but maybe he will be the next girls type. 

So, questions to ask yourself. Do you have a healthy self esteem? If not, why is that? (Looks, clothes, style, intelligence, personality, etc.)

As far as it stemming from childhood. Maybe? Only in so far as it pertaining directly to confidence and self esteem as that's where I think the issue is.

[Ananta]

8 hours ago, CultivateLove said:

But to deny that looks don't matter to me at all would be a lie.

This wasnt my point though. Of course, it plays a part, but if it's the whole part, then it's just stupid.

Like you said-

8 hours ago, CultivateLove said:

if a girl is physically attractive, but has shallow characteristic traits, I won't even have a one night stand with her.

This I personally think is the healthy attitude. 

Unfortunately, some guys now a days, just want "hot" eye candy, even if they're dumb as a box of rocks or ugly inside. 

 

[RawJudah]

@Anna1 Good points, something to think about. I have been shy all my life, especially when it comes to girls. So there is low self esteem there that hasn’t gone away and I know I need to improve it. I’m looking around for good therapists as we speak, whether that will actually help or not I don’t really know. I’m also doing shamanic breathing every Saturday too, hoping that heals emotions and trauma that are stuck in me.

I’ve thought about doing pickup too, I’m drawn to it because it takes massive action, and it really boosts confidence. The fear of rejection will be eliminated after many attempts. 

From a girls point of view - what do you think of pickup? Bit of a silly question but I thought I’d ask...

[Ananta]

3 hours ago, RawJudah said:

I have been shy all my life, especially when it comes to girls. So there is low self esteem there that hasn’t gone away and I know I need to improve it. I’m looking around for good therapists as we speak, whether that will actually help or not I don’t really know

Oic, yeah, that whole shy thing is tough. You can get over it though. My sister was a shy kid with 1 friend growing up. She went into the air force at 21 and came out of it at 24 a completely different person, not shy at all, with tons of friends. Not saying to join the armed forces, just saying ppl can change. I think seeing a therapist is a great idea for ppl who feel stuck, for whatever reason, so good for you!

3 hours ago, RawJudah said:

From a girls point of view - what do you think of pickup? Bit of a silly question but I thought I’d ask...

Well, I think it's good practice for shy guys that need to work on some things regarding their approach to women. A guy genuinely looking for a date or eventually a relationship. 

However, the cocky dude just trying to put a notch in their belt of how many chicks they can bang disgusts me to no end. If a girl is smart they can see right through that bullshit.. or I can.

So, just dont be or become a cocky asshole and you'll be fine.?

Edited October 2, 2019 by Anna1