seeking clarity or whatever the path leads me

[Guinga]

I had another diary with a few entries, but i decided to hide it now I don't know how access it. it was mostly venting anyway.

with this one i want to be more clear about my goals

I will still vent probably a lot, but I want to do that just to see my progress and state of mind. not understanding something to accepting it and other paradigms shifts

why I decided to be involved in self development?

I've been suffering with low level depression since I remember myself as a person, I guess dysthimia is the technical term

Also i was that kid that never really fit in still am the guy that never fits in now that I'm a adult. great part of it was because my social anxiety, and partly because I never seem to be o the same frequency of other people. being to self absorbed tends to make it that way. I even accepted that I have some narcissistic tendencies. 

not knowing how to deal with this feelings of exclusion and other bad emotions put me in a spiral of pain and deepens my depression and nihilism by the day.

my goals for now as simple as it may be are. make my bed when I wake up and meditate 20 minutes a day.

it may not be much but I hope I can start to create some momentum and finally work on the stuff that matters.