INTP Male, 23, virgin, never had a girlfriend.

[7thLetter]

Sometimes I feel like I might just grow old without a partner. I wouldn't say its the looks, I say its my personality. Quiet at times, and sometimes a bit standoffish. If I had to be honest with myself I consider myself a bit above-average in terms of looks, but 5'6 in height.

I felt that I've had so many "potential" girls I could've dated in the past but somehow I kept messing it up with something I say or do.

I will say that I used to party a lot and made out with a few girls, fingered one girl but that's it. But now I don't do any of that and nothing has happened for a while now. Also, I used to do pickup. Hundreds of cold approaches, a ton of numbers, but only scored 2 or 3 dates.

I've been swiping on Tinder in my city for 3 years now, on and off. It was doing somewhat well for me in the beginning but now I feel that I've probably ruined my reputation on that app that it's been quite dry for me lately. Although when I try another app these days, same results, few matches.

These days I don't even feel like going out and trying anymore. How has it been that long and I haven't found anyone.

Usually happy with myself but I just feel that I'm getting too old without a partner.

what should i do

[Knock]

@7thLetter 3 possibilities:

1. Become more attractive
2. Lower your standards
3. Not worry about girlfriends for now, focus on you instead.

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

Hundreds of cold approaches, a ton of numbers, but only scored 2 or 3 dates.

That's not a lot. And you are putting in the work.

My suggestion: Look into Tantra. This can help you restore your relationship and trust with the other sex, deepen your empathy, and get honest feedback from women. Probably there is an organisation in your country that organises courses. I've had amazing jumps in development thanks to 'TheNewTantra', which is in Europe and Scandinavia.

[Aeris]

I've been Virgin until 25. ( But as a ocd kind of behavior for art. I avoided all girls because of high high expectation )

Then I totaly loose my attachment to the défault human self psychosis and my assumptions about life and my knowledge

I had a breakdown on my belief system. Loosing 'me'. Like for instance art would makes me rich and having the hottest girls then I would be happy kind of internal belief. This is pure bs of course. Most people believe a story like this though. Why they have to do or think this way.

Cling to ideas for shape a self identity makes you sick and powerless.

Simply. No more story on why it should not work. Only pure story on why it will work and if not. Who cares ? Like no one. 

Acting like a character who defeat all fear. Fearless and come back from death.

The ultimate knowledge is knowing most of your knowledge is pure bs.

Then you stop self bullshit and go through the flow' of your life.

My first sex then at 25.  was with a 10/10 girls who just wanted to Fuck me. We did 3 times.

I just changed how the 'me' hook fish

Now I have a girlfriend since 6 months. Cute & smart & 'yellow' thinking possibility. And I love her and her too.

Change yourself so hard that all that is in your mind become a brick that you can hold and choose to let go if It's based on fear.

Only choose fearless and powerful ideas. Get rid of the entire feedback loop self talk bullshit.

Just flow & be water

 

 

Edited September 16, 2019 by Aeris

[LordFall]

Decide if this is something you truly want to change or if it would just be nice if it did change. HUGE difference between the two. If you truly want to change it and it's in your current top 1-2 priorities in life then this is very simple. Take massive action and go all-in with pick up. Use Leo's advice and combine it with Redpill/PUA concepts and meet other guys in your city that will go out with you and you will solve this in the next year 100%. No questions asked. 

There is no real secret man. Game or no game, getting good with women works the same way for everyone. Be in the presence of a lot of women and make your move on a lot of them. This is how both naturals and the most introverted successful pickup guys do it. Being an introvert is not an excuse. Being INTP is not an excuse. They can be great strength in fact. Just be mindful of using these terms to describe yourself and not as an excuse. 

[flowboy]

8 hours ago, LordFall said:

Decide if this is something you truly want to change or if it would just be nice if it did change. HUGE difference between the two. If you truly want to change it and it's in your current top 1-2 priorities in life then this is very simple. Take massive action and go all-in with pick up.

^ This.

8 hours ago, LordFall said:

combine it with Redpill

NOT THIS (redpill is heavily toxic, will make you feel bad inside, I recommend RSD instead, they teach everything and more in a positive non-cynical way)

 

@7thLetter Also, if it is indeed your number 1 or 2 priority, work with a real-life pickup coach

If you actually do hundreds of approaches and only score very few dates, you need feedback from a pro.

[LordFall]

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

^ This.

NOT THIS (redpill is heavily toxic, will make you feel bad inside, I recommend RSD instead, they teach everything and more in a positive non-cynical way)

 

@7thLetter Also, if it is indeed your number 1 or 2 priority, work with a real-life pickup coach

If you actually do hundreds of approaches and only score very few dates, you need feedback from a pro.

I'm torn on this one, I think if you're a positive person and you can filter out the cynical stuff, RedPill has a lot of deep lessons and truths about women that will give you huge value when complemented with pickup. Even reading the posts on here, a lot of it reminds me of stuff I read on red pill. If you're easily influenced by negativity, it can easily jade you, it's a double-edged sword. I have a much easier time recommending game stuff but I personally have gained a lot from reading red pill and I love women so that negative bs just flows right past me but to someone else, it could corrupt them. I might start being more careful recommending it. 

I think getting a coach is a fantastic idea. But if he's just starting out, a few hundred cold approaches is nothing. To get really good(Leo said the same thing), you need thousands. Think about it, a few hundred approaches takes 1-2 months if you're dabbling. From that, he gained the ability to meet and go on dates with random attractive women he found on the streets. That's fucking crazy. The only way an average guy gets to meet women outside of his social circle is getting drunk at a club/bar and maybe getting lucky with a drunk chick.

Pickup is underrated and anyone not doing it misses out huge. It's not about the techniques and the "pickup lines", it's literally the ability to make the entire world your social circle. 

Edited September 18, 2019 by LordFall

[universe]

On 16.9.2019 at 0:43 PM, 7thLetter said:

I feel that I've probably ruined my reputation on that app

Thats not possible. There is no hidden network were girls from tinder talk about there matches with each other. In big cities there should be enough new ones coming in every day.

How do you usually talk to girls and what do you think makes them reject you? Unless you tell us the details we cant help you.

[flowboy]

11 hours ago, LordFall said:

Pickup is underrated and anyone not doing it misses out huge. It's not about the techniques and the "pickup lines", it's literally the ability to make the entire world your social circle. 

That inspired me

[Beeflamb]

I feel ya man. But then again, everytime I actually do get into a relationship after a short while I end up missing my single life. We want what we don't have.

[Michael569]

On 16/09/2019 at 11:43 AM, 7thLetter said:

Sometimes I feel like I might just grow old without a partner

Dude you're 23, you have most of your life still ahead of you. A deep and conscious relationship is worth waiting for. The more you try the more you may actually repel girls. I am not saying you are needy but high-quality women have extremely sensitive sense of guy's intentions..... If you come around as "wanting a relationship really bad" you'll probably chase them away. 

Like others already said, continue working on yourself. Raise your consciousness, work on your personal development, on powerful habits, and on your physical fitness. Girls in your age are often attracted to shallow things such as muscles, cars, cocky-macho type of guy. But a couple years later, they will change their preferences and be ridiculously attracted to the guy with high consciousness who understand the feminine, who has a purpose and knows what he wants from life. 

Become that guy now. If girls aren't flocking your way at the moment, that's fine...eventually, they will. 

[Moreira]

You dont have a partner because you dont need it, that's the reality. The problem is you have the idea that you should have a partner because society told you that lie.

[7thLetter]

On 9/18/2019 at 1:59 PM, universe said:

Thats not possible. There is no hidden network were girls from tinder talk about there matches with each other. In big cities there should be enough new ones coming in every day.

How do you usually talk to girls and what do you think makes them reject you? Unless you tell us the details we cant help you.

@universe What I meant by ruined my reputation was that I kept deleting and re-opening my account with different shitty bios that girls probably saw me multiple times and either swiped left or right on me multiple times. When you delete your account and re-open it, you will show up again for a girl who swiped left or right on you. Especially the ones who unmatched you. I probably said some dumb shit to some girl, then I get unmatched, and when I re-open my account again, I most likely show up again on that girl's tinder.

I understand there's no "hidden network" that girls talk about guys on Tinder, but I will say, there has been one match I had where the girl mentioned that she talked about me with her friends who were also on Tinder, about me. They probably thought I was cute, then I said some asshole shit to her and they quickly realized I was garbage. This was during my pickup days when I turned into a devil.

When I was doing pickup, I treated girls like garbage in-person and on Tinder because I thought it was attractive. The more I did that, the more of an asshole I became. So ok, understandable how I was rejected a lot in pickup back then.

But these days, how I talk to girls, I probably do a lot of small talk to the point they get bored. Or maybe I don't know how to add sexual tension in there. I keep testing different things with each girl and over analyzing everything which could be a reason why I always mess up.

[universe]

Dont overthing the tinder thing, let them talk about you. There should be enough influx of new people.

What I found works really good is being friendly and nice and then at the right time, you start touching her and then kiss her. Usually the faster the better. Be nice but dont bend yourself. So yes you stay friendly and dont say mean things BUT you also dont just say things to agree with her. And you do playfull teasing of course. Basically you dont look for any validation from her. You cant generalize it because every girl will be different. And it depends on the situation.

But it sounds to me like you biggest problem is needyness. That comes from overanalyzing. By constatnly thinking and analyzing everything she does you put yourself in a needy mindset. Everything you do is ultimately for her to like you. Woman have a good sense for that. Instead of focusing on if she likes you try to focus on yourself and if you like her.