I realized I am shallow, and am only with her because of how she looks.

[assx95]

Long distance Relationship. Early phase.  Although i was friends with her for over 3 years. She posts a picture and i don't find her attractive. She was cute, but now her looks are fading.  And all these true feelings I had just melted away. I am a shallow man. I thought i was truly in love and connected spiritually with her. But I was wrong. I feel bad for her now. And for myself. We haven't actually committed yet. But have expressed that we have feelings for each other. 

I now realize this will be true for every woman i end up dating or looking at, as a potential mate or partner. That i will primarily be with her, because of the way she looks. How do I confront this? How can I be honest with women now? I didn't know i was so manipulative. 

I am 24 in case age is relevant to the discussion. 

[Ananta]

3 hours ago, assx95 said:

all these true feelings I had just melted away. I am a shallow man. I thought i was truly in love and connected spiritually with her. But I was wrong. I feel bad for her now. And for myself. We haven't actually committed yet. But have expressed that we have feelings for each other. 

Well, start by being honest, so she can get far away from you (more than the distance you already have).

She will wonder how her looks can now over ride the feelings you supposedly had for her, she will be confused. She will be heartbroken.

Looks fade, ppl gain weight, their shape changes over time.... it's just the way it is. Some women can hold on to their beauty longer then others. 

Anyways, good luck

 

[assx95]

@Anna1  Your advice is destructive. It will destroy her. To be fair, i didn't mention that she is developing some low self esteem. Also it will kind of destroy my chances for any future relationships if i am to be completely honest with every girl I meet. 

Don't take it personally though. Thanks for taking the time to post your opinion. 

[Ananta]

6 minutes ago, assx95 said:

@Anna1  Your advice is destructive. It will destroy her. To be fair, i didn't mention that she is developing some low self esteem. Also it will kind of destroy my chances for any future relationships if i am to be completely honest with every girl I meet. 

Don't take it personally though. Thanks for taking the time to post your opinion. 

So what? Your not going to tell her?

Want your cake and eat it too?

Jesus, give her a chance to be with someone who will actually like "everything" about her, including her looks. 

I'm not taking anything you say personal. It's interesting you consider me saying to tell her the truth as destructive advice. Yes, much better to lie to her and string her along wasting her time and energy. Geesh! *rolls eyes*

 

[Ananta]

@assx95 Ps, you know what would be cruel and destructive. To use her for someone to talk to, to keep you company,  because you like certain things about her, but you know damn well you don't really want to be with her in real life or long term. So, just using her until you find someone else to be your girlfriend. 

[assx95]

@Anna1 I have mixed feelings about this. I don't always feel this way. I could end up loving her regardless with time. I don't know. Just yesterday i was thinking about going on long walks on the beach with her, and today it will blew up in my face. I feel like a jerk. Maybe, I will tell her that I am no longer attracted to her. 

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

I have mixed feelings about this. I don't always feel this way. I could end up loving her regardless with time. I don't know.

In that case, maybe you are confused and should hold off from doing anything for a few days? I know in your other thread you said you've seen her before irl. I assume you liked how she looked, you said she was cute. Maybe the recent pic you saw was just a bad picture? 

Edited September 15, 2019 by Anna1

[assx95]

@Mikael89 Yes, Have met her irl. 4 times. 

[assx95]

@Anna1 I will let her get back to me. I am majorly the one doing the pursuing. Yeah, have met her irl. 

[CreamCat]

43 minutes ago, assx95 said:

@Mikael89 Yes, Have met her irl. 4 times. 

Just end it already. Just say you don't want to continue this relationship. It's even possible that you are not the only man that she dates. I mean it's likely that you are not her number one.

You become an asshole by not ending a relationship you don't want to continue in the long term.

That said, I doubt that you are ever going to overlook physical beauty because it is related to reproduction.

If you want to meet beautiful woman, become beautiful yourself by hitting gym. If you become a man of higher value, you will have more choice. Make a choice, then.

Edited September 16, 2019 by CreamCat

[daniel695]

when i look at women looks is the first thing i notice, especially face. idk it would kill be to be with a fat women but i think i could do it if we connect on a deeper level, but to have sex is another level. the question is how deep does your love run!