450ug AL-LAD Trip Report - Confusion

[Mihael Keehl]

1. Come up

I was laying in bed with an eye mask on, listening to the John Hopkins spotify playlist through headphones. Pretty soon I was tearing up a bit by the music. But after a while I stopped paying attention to the music and instead was confronted by the strange and alien seeming situation that I was in - I was a biological creature needing to drink and eat, a young man laying in bed high on acid listening to classical music, the son of a single parent mother who is in a different country, a brother of two siblings. All of this seemingly obvious observations and facts, suddenly turned into an alien whirlpool of random thoughts that I had no connection to, I could not relate to them anymore.

 

2. Confusion

Suddenly I had no idea why I am in this situation. Why did I take acid? Why am I listening to strange sounding music that I enjoyed just a few minutes ago? Why am I so confused? I had zero context to what I was doing or why. It seemed completely bizarre. I had no ground, nothing I could be sure of, everything seemed alien, even the thought that I am part of a family. It felt like something has slowly showed a crowbar into my mind and then, with a sudden jerky movement clamped it sideways. I tried to get a grip on reality by thinking about my little brother which normally brings about positive, warm associations in me - but not this time, I felt like a cold alien creature. I tried to eat the food that I love most, delicious mango - but it tasted like soap.

 

3. Psychotic reaction

I was confused beyond comprehension. I thought that I must have taken something that was not real AL-LAD, something that fucked up my psyche, because this experience seemed to have no beneficial elements at all. I had no insights, no emotional releases just stupid confusion. It felt unbearable, I was convinced that "I did it this time". I have come to the logical conclusion that I must have taken a substance from a untrustworthy source (even though a tested the substance) and that I am legitimately mad now. At this point I had no hope that things can get better, I accepted that my life is over and that I will be in a madhouse from now on. I knew that I am not able to take responsibility for my own survival anymore and that I should contact a friend who can bring me into a hospital and help to distribute my materialistic possessions to my family members.

 

4. I called a friend

By a miracle I managed to use a smartphone to call a friend to put the responsibility on her to hospitalize me. I was talking completely gibberish which made her laugh. For me it seemed rude that she laughed at my condition but it helped me a lot to hear her voice and to see her face (video chat). After about one hour of total confusion and alienation from everything I began to notice that by talking to her I was slowly regaining my cognitive abilities and after two hours I felt quite normal again and could laugh about it.

 

5. What was that?

I don't know what to make out of this trip. Was the dose too high which caused my ego to snap?

This theme of confusion is something that is recurring in some of my trips, this time it was by far the most intense. Some trips are very insightful and healing but sometimes it is just confusion. Do you have any similar experiences?

[ActualizedDavid]

I do not take any psychedelic. 

BUT

I had something like this and i think is called Depersonalization. A Ego Reaction i think.

[outlandish]

Congrats, you weathered the storm!

AL-LAD is extremely confusing at high doses, much moreso than LSD. I'm glad your friend was sensible enough to stay chill on the phone with you and not panic and try to get you to the hospital or something.

When you end up in a "psychedelic overdose", it's important to remember that you'll always come down, you're not permanently mad or anything like that. It can be hard to remember that when your in the depths of psychedelia, but I think after this experience you'll have that knowledge embedded deep in your psychonautical core.

450ug of AL-LAD is a pretty huge dose, I'd probably stick to a bit lower than that. It all depends on your sensitivity, so some people need that much, but sounds like that's overdose for you, and it would be for me as well. I've noticed that people seem to report varying potency with the AL-LAD tabs, and suspicions that the blotters weren't evenly laid, depending on the batch, so watch out for that too.

AL-LAD and ETH-LAD seem to have a narrower effective range than their parent molecule LSD (aka LAD aka METH-LAD). With LSD many people can feel the effects at 5ug, and then still be able to handle up to 1000ug and beyond. AL-LAD and ETH-LAD seem to be noticeable at near the same bottom end, but become overwhelming way before LSD would.

 

[Leo Gura]

Hehehe... this is typical.

You gotta lower your doses and contemplate reality on your trips a lot more. Do this over and over again on low doses (125ug) until you gain a deeper understanding of what consciousness is. Then you up your doses a bit.

It takes 20, 50, 70 trips to start to make sense of how psychedelics work.

1 or 2 trips is not nearly enough and there will be a lot of confusion at first because you have no idea yet how crazy powerful consciousness is.

You can't turn to anyone for help with this because all humans are imaginary.

Yes, at times you will feel like you've totally lost your mind and gone completely insane. And yet you will be closer to Truth than ever in those moments. Don't doubt the trips. Doubt your sober state.

[Mihael Keehl]

@ActualizedDavid It did feel very depersonalizing

@outlandish Very well said, thanks, I definitely feel that this knowledge is now embedded in me.

I thought 450ug will be ok because I had a very good trip on 375ug in which I was able to release a lot of supressed emotions. After that I had a trip on 400ug which was also very healing but I had the sense that I could go even deeper. 

It seemes for me that there are a lot of variables that influence the potency of a trip. I guess just to find your "perfect dose" is not always enough.

Wow, I did not know that about the narrower effective range, very interesting.

@Leo Gura Contemplation on a lower dose is an interesting suggestion that I will try out. Right now my priority is integration of the shadow / emotional healing. Do you think this is a good strategy to do that before starting to contemplate, or should I just focus on contemplation instead and the rest will become a natural byproduct?

"Don't doupt the trips. Doubt your sober state." - that's a good quote 

[allislove]

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can't turn to anyone for help with this because all humans are imaginary.

Yes, at times you will feel like you've totally lost your mind and gone completely insane. And yet you will be closer to Truth than ever in those moments. Don't doubt the trips. Doubt your sober state.

I am a noob in psychodelic field, but on my second LSD trip I had a glimpse of such realization. That you can't turn to anyone for help with this. It was so scary (sad) from one side and so liberating from another. I remember calling to friend anyhow and he is: "Are you Okay?" and I: "Who? Me?" (thinking it's me talking to me). 

Anyway, sorry for hijacking the thread, but how to overcome such fear? Probably, only through more trips (more direct experience)? 

[outlandish]

On 9/14/2019 at 1:36 AM, Mihael Keehl said:

I thought 450ug will be ok because I had a very good trip on 375ug in which I was able to release a lot of supressed emotions. After that I had a trip on 400ug which was also very healing but I had the sense that I could go even deeper. 

It seemes for me that there are a lot of variables that influence the potency of a trip. I guess just to find your "perfect dose" is not always enough.

I agree that there is more going on here that just the dose. It doesn't sound like you simply had a "+12.5%" higher experience than your previous 400ug dose. Psychedelics are so complex with how they interact with your psyche, expectations, environment, and particular trajectory of the trip. Even what you ate, the books you've been reading, the way you've been sleeping, who you've been hanging out with, all come into play.

It's also possible that you hit a hot spot on the blotter sheet, so you could have actually dosed more than you thought, or that your previous doses were under. Like I said there were rumours that the AL-LAD was not evenly laid, at least with the early batches. I expect the manufacturers would have sorted that out by now if it were true, but you never know. I definitely hit a hot spot before on one of the early batches where a few "150ug" tabs were probably 300ug or more - the effects felt easily 2-3x stronger than previous doses. Surprise! At the same time, it's hard to dismiss the possibility that this was all in my (and your) head.

Whatever is the cause, it's good to be ready for the possibility of a trip into the deep end.

 

[tedens]

@Mihael Keehl Rhetorical question.

Do You have any sober meta practice experience? 

 

Edited September 17, 2019 by tedens