Does anyone else ever get nightmares about going to work?

[nexusoflife]

I have recently left my last job and have not had to go to a job for over a month now and it has been a very refreshing experience to not have to wake up at 4:30 every morning to go to work. I have used this time off for much self reflection and internal work on myself. However as the prospect of getting a new job looms on the horizon I have been having nightmares about returning to the workforce. Every cell in my body does not want to return to that hell. There is just something in me that snapped during this time away from a job and it will not allow me to torture myself like that ever again. I was wondering how many of you have nightmares about going to work and also how many of you have found a way out of this uncaring cycle? How do I overcome this victim mentality? I think I am going to let go and see where life takes me.

I have a belief that if I do not get a job that I will become homeless and become so deeply depressed and defeated that I will just let myself starve to death on the streets. I have this need for stability in my life and having a job feels like the biggest risk I can take. It feels like I am walking on a tightrope that can snap at any time and thus I loose my income and quality of life. I am holding on to my quality of life and income as a means to achieve my goals in life. This feels very myopic to me and I wonder what will happen if I let go of the mental construct that I hold. Will I die? I am afraid of dying is what this all boils down to. I'm not going to live my life from a place of fear anymore, I have spent too long doing that and it has caused too much damage to myself.

[universe]

On 12.9.2019 at 0:26 PM, nexusoflife said:

I have a belief that if I do not get a job that I will become homeless and become so deeply depressed and defeated that I will just let myself starve to death on the streets.

Is that really true? I mean it depends on your situation and where you live but would it not be possible to move in with family/friends. Or are there no programs for homeless people to give them homes and so on? Maybe try the live purpose course to find a better fitting purpose for you.

It seems like on one hand you dont like to work and on the other hand you identity is very much tied to having a job, otherwise you become depressed and defeated. Is a job really defining you as a person that much? See if that is true for yourself.

Also it seems like you have a lot of resistance in you. Resistance to working and resistance to not working. Resistance makes your life really hard. Let go of that resistance, be present, you can always welcome the present moment. Maybe do some meditation. Your life will be easy then. Living a hard life or living an easy life is merely a choice.

[DivineSoda]

I use to have nightmares about work for a full year after I quit one of my jobs. Since that time I've started a business, stopped the business, took one more contract job doing similar stuff, traveled minimally on/off for two years using savings/side jobs/parents help, got educated in a new field of study, and am now currently working a very low wage temp job in that field as I build up another business/project on the side. 

I hear/feel you. Take this as a sign. Dare to do different things than you would normally allow yourself to consider. Take risks. Take a pay cut. Continue working on yourself and your connection to the universe. Be bold. Be patient.

Good luck to you my friend. 

Edited September 14, 2019 by DivineSoda