Do I really want enlightenment?

[Solvinden]

Hey everybody,

I'm doing self enquiry every moment in my every day life. It feels like the only important thing in life; focussing on the I-thought and sinking it in the heart.

I never thought much about attaining enlightenment, I just wanted to understand the I that suffers and thought everything else would become clearer as I grow.

However, I now had several times the experience of becoming so aware of who I am, that I got drained into a very strong energy field and I knew that if I now just go a little step further, I'M GONE!!! And that just feels like way to radical for me.

As long as I'm not ready to give EVERYTHING up I can never reach enlightenment. I see how the I-thought causes all my suffering but if I let it go I'M GONE!

So how can I make a clear decision? By that I mean do I want to dissolve the I-thought or not? My intuition tells me strongly to just give up, but as long as I'm not absolutely certain I'll back out when it gets serious.

 

I'm exited for your feedback!

Solvinden

[zeroISinfinity]

@Solvinden You Will be fine man. 

Notice That fear. ??

❤️

[oMarcos]

Why should you even care, just go for it as you would for a drink of water, no big deal 

Edited September 9, 2019 by oMarcos

[SoonHei]

@Solvinden you don't have to let go the I-thought entirely... only those aspects of it which are broken...

 

the parts which tell you that you're not worth it, or are a failure etc...

 

like an actor who makes movies... he drops the I of the last character he did and adopts a new one... but the shell is mostly similar.

 

work with that initially and the rest shall come.

[zeroISinfinity]

Ego mind Will die off Completelly and with it I tought. Not saying You Will get mindless. 

[Peo]

5 minutes ago, oMarcos said:

Why should you even care, just go for it as you would for a drink of water, no big deal 

easier said then done.

[zeroISinfinity]

@Solvinden Listen to people like @Nahm and @Leo Gura. 

Enlightened folks Who love going on oposite side of a Mirror. 

 

[oMarcos]

1 hour ago, Peo said:

easier said then done.

You have no other choice. 

[Nahm]

Also consider the awareness you’re searching for is what thoughts are arising within. So a thought will never be an answer to self inquiry, even the “ I “ thought. That is “the first thought”, of every thought. Notice the “ I “ thought, and just stop and relax, and be aware of the “ I “ thought. The thought, “ I “...that you’d be surrendering....the thought. 

And consider the unconditional nature of being, and do some things  (“doing self inquiry every moment in my daily life.”) you enjoy. Be as unconditional about feeling good as you can, and also do things that feel good. One big ol feeling good is a recipe for ‘connection’. 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Solvinden See, You are magician. ?‍♂️❤️

You are worthy and You are amazing and You are Good. 

Everything Will Come into It's place. Yes puzzle Will be Completed but only That "imagined You" which was never You Will be out. No worry puzzle is always Completed. Nothing to lose. 

But Yes. Take the path. 

Edited September 9, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Nivsch]

1 hour ago, Solvinden said:

Hey everybody,

I'm doing self enquiry every moment in my every day life. It feels like the only important thing in life; focussing on the I-thought and sinking it in the heart.

I never thought much about attaining enlightenment, I just wanted to understand the I that suffers and thought everything else would become clearer as I grow.

However, I now had several times the experience of becoming so aware of who I am, that I got drained into a very strong energy field and I knew that if I now just go a little step further, I'M GONE!!! And that just feels like way to radical for me.

As long as I'm not ready to give EVERYTHING up I can never reach enlightenment. I see how the I-thought causes all my suffering but if I let it go I'M GONE!

So how can I make a clear decision? By that I mean do I want to dissolve the I-thought or not? My intuition tells me strongly to just give up, but as long as I'm not absolutely certain I'll back out when it gets serious.

 

I'm exited for your feedback!

Solvinden

It is not black or white, there are degrees and the fear you feel makes it bigger than what it is.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Nivsch

[abrakamowse]

1 hour ago, Solvinden said:

However, I now had several times the experience of becoming so aware of who I am, that I got drained into a very strong energy field and I knew that if I now just go a little step further, I'M GONE!!! And that just feels like way to radical for me.

Why that doesn't happen to me???!!! You are a lucky guy!!!!  I wanna be gone now!

[Truth Addict]

1 hour ago, Mikael89 said:

"I don't know what I've gotten myself into. This is too much, it can't be done. What a fool I am to have started this! What a pathetic fool. How could I let this happen? Where does this go? There is no doubt, I am the stupidest stupidest person. This is bad, this will kill me, this is the end of me. No way back, no way through. There's no way I can ever do this. I don't know how anyone can. No one can. No one could ever choose this. Not me. Not me. This is something for a whole different kind of person, I don't even know what kind. It can't be done. I can't do it. I wish I had never started this. I just want to be back the way I was. I can't breathe. My insides are twisted. This is horror. This is so far beyond me. My soul is sick to death and my heart is crushed."

"You asked, "Who really wants to go where this road really leads?" I know that the answer is no one. No one could ever choose this, not knowingly. It's a certain impossibility. You're right, it's like getting hit by a bus. Physical suicide would be a bad hair day next to this. There is no amount of courage that would permit someone who understood this to choose it. But no one knowingly chooses it. This isn't spirituality. This is emotional carnage. There's nothing spiritual about this."

- Julie.  In 'Spiritually incorrect enlightenment' by Jed McKenna

---------

"Ah. He said there is no society, there is no future, there is no world. Stop being a schmuck. It's all a lie. Burn it all."

"Do you have any regrets?" she asks.

It can be tricky knowing how much answer to give. This doesn't seem like the time to get into a long-winded digression about how I don't possess the thing that experiences regret, so I opt for the short answer:

"Nope."

- Jed McKenna

---------

"I'm no one's friend. I dwell in an infinite pitless void. Or to state it more accurately, I am an infinite pitless void. That's my reality. I'm not a nice guy, I just play one."

- Jed McKenna

---------

 

Just some quotes which I found interesting.

It's even more interesting how different the interpretations are before and after realising what he's actually talking about.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Truth Addict