Recognizing escapism

[Dwarniel]

Lately I have this strong urge to just leave everything and serve at a Vipassana center for a year (Long term servers have to sit 10 days every 3 months)

I feel totally exhausted by the western society and the lack of connection with like minded people. (I'm aware I sound like an edgy 14 year old, but I literally feel this way so strongly)

I've done a lot of retreats, served and this summer I stayed at a center for 1 month to serve and sit (It was a hassle to make that work with my bosses, but somehow managed). I don't want to do it because I'm seduced by the Vipassana "doctrine". The centers have a very unique vibe, and there's not a lot of other places where you can live and work for free and solely concentrate on consciousness work, giving selflessly and meditation. 

I'm just getting this feeling in the back of my mind that this is me trying to escape.. 

Everytime I return from my retreats I watch myself getting sucked right back into the stuff that makes me miserable. I'm so tired of it. The retreats (especially the long ones) are hard and boring - But at least I feel like I'm progressing on my path, and I get these windows of clarity and peace. Back at home I get so distracted, I feel like I'm wasting my opportunity to figure this out.
I do 1-2 hours of meditation every day, read a lot and stuff like that, but I want... more. And with all the grinding to pay the bills, I don't feel like I can have that.

Me being "weird" becomes so highlighted when I'm back at home, nobody understands what the fuck I'm interested in and love. Guys I date literally tell me "you were so attractive before you opened your mouth" because they think I'm weird. I love my friends, but I still feel so lonely because I can't talk about the stuff I love. And all of this might just be the thing I want to run away from.. But how can you really know for sure if it is escapism or a "call to adventure"? Maybe leaving to work hardcore on meditation and consciousness is just what I need.

 

Any advice?

Edited September 10, 2019 by Dwarniel

[Gili Trawangan]

I'd say follow your heart. In the end, whatever decision you make will be the right one. Trust it.

[Dwarniel]

1 hour ago, Gili Trawangan said:

I'd say follow your heart. In the end, whatever decision you make will be the right one. Trust it.

❤️

[Telepresent]

@Dwarniel Sounds to me like you're debating bouncing from one pole to another pole. 

Your life doesn't have to be the daily grind for money if you choose to restructure it, and your development doesn't need to be so extreme as to dominate everything and be hard and boring. 

If you want to go for the centre, fine, but it sounds a bit like you're reluctant, so maybe ask yourself if you've really done everything you can in your current life to get out of the grind, do something more worthwhile (to you), and give you the time and space you want to explore spiritual work without locking yourself into something that sounds like it might not be working for you. 

Our attitude to work is often based on belief, and enforced by the people close to us (particularly parents), as well as being 'just what we've always done and changing career now would be foolish'. I'd suggest examining the work you are doing, and why, and why you dislike it.  Explore what you enjoy doing (in life and play), what special knowledge you have, and think about how you can turn that into a source of income (note: not 'work', but a way to live how you like living anyway, which brings in money) 

'Work' doesn't have to be a terrible drag to scrape just about as much cash as an employer will let you - but it takes knowledge, self-understanding, and effort to get to that point. 

BUT if I've misread you and what you really want to do is go to the centre, then do it. Just treat your reason with the same scrutiny I just suggested with your work. Make sure it's genuine, and once again not from a sense that you 'should' 

Edited September 9, 2019 by Telepresent

[hamedsf]

don't think that serving in somewhere that is considered for consciousness practices will do have a positive impact on the growth and development of your psychology and consciousness  per se. NOPE! IT WON'T!

I do understand your genuine intention for the significant progress but as far as I'm concerned, that entire year would be a waste of time and energy, and thereafter, you'd probably would get back to everyday mundane European life and the ego backlash would creep up once again! (Just like a Reset button for the renewal of EGO!!)

so then, what I highly recommend is that decide to re-integrate in that society while doing manifold hardcore practices, would you be able to take the challenge of living in a mostly unconscious place and keep your self-awareness at place? 

Traditional method is like that you leave the society for the hell of progress, BUT My Modern Method is that you should keep an eye for both of the progressions of material and immaterial (metaphysical) aspects that take place in your life, precisely because these are two wings that keeps us balanced and regarding this one and dismissing the other would have its own turbulent consequences for us.

the most substantial advancement occurs when we see the opposite sides -- and take lessons from it, not when we would totally kick the whole society to the curb radically! if it's the case, to my way of thinking, it's escapism! 

 

 

 

Edited September 9, 2019 by hamedsf

[Truth Addict]

Call it escapism or whatever you want. It doesn't really matter at all.

The solution is to stop second-guessing and just go with the flow.

Live your current life to the fullest, and when it changes, change with it.

[Jkris]

@Dwarniel @Dwarniel Are you successful in what you are doing - your current job ?

Let the society be money minded one is bound by it when one is money minded.

Are you currently mindful-giving full attention to what you do while working ?

Are you fully satisfied with yourself about your work ?(not external appreciation or remarks)

Are you peaceful calm while working or tensed stressed out irritated ?

Work is workshop meditation when done in mindfulness moment to moment with out any selfish motive and done with service attitude with equanimity and staying calm in all situations.

Money is essential for living - are you self sufficient from money point of view?

After joining vipassana center for one year there will be a career break in terms of experience while trying to join the next job.

Any how tell your current mind state to the vipassana center and they will help you clearing out your confusion.

 

Edited September 9, 2019 by Jkris

[Dwarniel]

9 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

 

(im not able to remove that quote from my phone for some reason ?) 

I don't think I got my point through. I don't want to escape my job, that's not the point. I love my job, it's creative and good money as well... A dream job. 

But I don't feel like I'm able to dedicate the hours (to reach the levels of consciousness that i want to reach) with the regular kind of western lifestyle. There's distractions and tempations everywhere. And it's easy to get sucked into that, especially when connection with like minded people is missing.. If anything, it's the connection part I struggle with. Not work.

 

Edited September 9, 2019 by Dwarniel

[oMarcos]

Make a volunteering program, try something new not related with consciousness work. Maybe you are just bored .

And I can relate with you on the lack of connection with like minded People.  Even when I did the Vipassana retreat, almost everyone seemed to be so self deluded and not understanding non duality.  But the problem is  not the other people, it's the urge to have your own worldview understood, that's why people join cults, at least they understand eachother in their collective ilusion

Edited September 9, 2019 by oMarcos

[tsuki]

@Dwarniel Escapism? I don't see it that way.
Escapism is when you are using spiritual truths to avoid facing problems of life.
Is your problem a lack of money, or a lack of human connection?

Seems like volunteering is a perfectly good way to solve the latter while focusing on things you find important.

[Truth Addict]

1 hour ago, Dwarniel said:

But I don't feel like I'm able to dedicate the hours (to reach the levels of consciousness that i want to reach) with the regular kind of western lifestyle. There's distractions and tempations everywhere. And it's easy to get sucked into that, especially when connection with like minded people is missing.. If anything, it's the connection part I struggle with. Not work.

You're second-guessing. Drop that and live your life to the fullest. That's where the highest consciousness lies.

High consciousness is not about living in a certain way. It's rather about fully embracing the way that is certain ?

God is present within everything. There's purpose in the distractions, and divinity in the temptations. Take a closer look 

Edited September 9, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Dwarniel]

I already volunteer a lot. (which i love) I don't know, I have this strong urge. It feels like a call to adventure. But I'm always suspicious of me deluding myself, so i might just be kidding myself. Seems like most of you think it's a bad idea haha

Edited September 9, 2019 by Dwarniel

[Truth Addict]

3 minutes ago, Dwarniel said:

I do already volunteer a lot. I don't know, I have this strong urge. It feels like a call to adventure. But I'm always suspicious of me deluding myself haha

Did it occur to you that maybe that's exactly how you're supposed to feel at the moment?

[Truth Addict]

7 minutes ago, Dwarniel said:

But I'm always suspicious of me deluding myself, so i might just be kidding myself. Seems like most of you think it's a bad idea haha

I'm not against that idea. There's no right answer here. Do whatever you want and don't fear delusion, you can't delude yourself.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Truth Addict

[oMarcos]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

I'm not against that idea. There's no right answer here. Do whatever you want and don't fear delusion, you can't delude yourself.

Yes she can

[Truth Addict]

Just now, oMarcos said:

Yes she can

Unless you think there's delusion, there isn't any.

[oMarcos]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

Unless you think there's delusion, there isn't any.

That would be easy if you lived alone on this planet, without anyone to contradict your ideas, the delusion already starts once you hear other people talking

Edited September 9, 2019 by oMarcos

[Truth Addict]

1 minute ago, oMarcos said:

That would be easy if you lived alone on this planet, without anyone to contradict your ideas

Others are you. You are alone.

(that's not a sad thing).

[oMarcos]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

Others are you. You are alone.

(that's not a sad thing).

But you can't act like you're alone, the "others" will call 911. 

[Truth Addict]

1 minute ago, oMarcos said:

But you can't act like you're alone, the "others" will call 911. 

Yes I can.

The question is: What do I really want?