a report about my current state of mind

[aniss]

As-salamu alaykum 

i was a normal dude going through life fighting newbie i don't know what to do or how to begin i slack off about everything i became sick of that and one day i decided to step up in this life and resist  learn and find a job and i did i'm now 22 i discovered actualized.org in 2014 and sense then i changed a little till i smoked weed once in an ramadan evening becouse i was exausted and i didn't slept enough and i were fasting and i thought if i do i'll go sleep like a baby ,of course it's my first experience i've never been taken a drug and i wasn't knew back then that weed is a drug so i rolled a joint [i watch how to do it on youtube] and i smoked it as a cigarette i overdoses and went to hospital that event changed my life to the worst 

that doctor said to me that if i keep smoke that crap there's a chane that i way develop Schizophrenia please this is scary i'm afraid to lose my shit i talked to everyone about this none of them helped 

i don't sleep at night and i fell asleep 2 to 4 or 5 hours max 

and when i decide to go to sleep i keep dreaming and rationalize that i'm gonna lose my shit and it's because some guys lost their shit because of weed and i think that i have many false beliefs there 

please help me understand what's going on with me 

i quit my job and i went back home with my parents [...] sucks right !

my problem is a emotional problem i feel something missing sth isn't right about me i'm no longer that previous person that i used to be and this is scary for me one day or multiple days i panicked  i thought that i'm going to lose my mind after i watch leo's video about what is reality without any based knowledge i just watch it and it brain washed me in some way i felt craziness and deluded 

personal info might help to understand my case :

-i do pick up as a means to challenge myself and learn more about my self i got girlfriends but always the relationship end up in the same dramatic way 

-no new learning sticks

-i'm not able to make any commitment  in my life 

-i became lost 

-i think or rather i fear to lose my mind 

-i think or rather i fear to lose my mind 

-i think or rather i fear to lose my mind 

-iv'e been dabbling on taking leo's lpc 

 

Edited September 7, 2019 by aniss

[Nahm]

@aniss Notice, you’ve been fine the whole time. You got sick of living in a way that is in discord with what you want and how you feel. What you are wanting is an end to suffering. You are using the excuse ‘I might lose my mind’ to continue suffering. Start choosing thoughts that feel good to you, activities that you enjoy. Twenty two is just about the roughest age imo. This is just where you’re learning the most important thing, is staying ‘connected’ with your inner being, your true self. It is a stage, and it will pass.