Why do I feel so much pain and resistance while I'm stuying?

[The Don]

Hello.

I'm into self-actualization since March 2018.

I've been meditating on a daily basis for 30 to 40 minutes straight and sometimes I meditate while I'm working.

My journey looks like this: keeping an open mind as I'm being open-minded; only the present moment matters; direct experience is supreme; no dogma, ideology, and beliefs; not taking reality for granted and questioning almost everything and studying psychology (the studying of one-self).

Of course, I have other subjects in mind but this was a small example of how my itinerary looks like.

The only problem I have while doing personal development work is that I feel a lot of resistance and pain when I'm studying and trying to retain information.

Why is that?

It's been over a year and the pain doesn't seem to go away.

Studying should be a process of enjoyment, especially if I'm studying what I like.

Anyway, it's a strange feeling that keeps me distracted; it's something like discouragement and a feeling of giving up. This feeling I have doesn't feel good at all in the sense that it's like an inner conflict inside of my psyche.

I'm doing my best to overcome it. I'm being mindful as much as I can but this shitty resistance doesn't seem to collapse on itself.

On the other hand, I have a few questions that I need to ask myself and of course, you guys:

Should I take a 10 days retreat and meditate the whole time?

Should I try psychedelics; would psychedelics remove this awful resistance?

Should I take a long break and contemplate this problem?

As I'm feeling stuck, I'm looking forward to your answers with great interest.

Edited September 4, 2019 by The Don
To add semicolon (;) where needed.

[d0ornokey]

your why might not be strong 

that's what happened to me. it loses meaning, it became a "should", and you begin having to force yourself

 

It could also be that your heart and intuition is not into it 

 

Definietely ponder it 

Edited September 4, 2019 by d0ornokey

[cetus]

@The Don Have you watched this? Or rewatched it lately? 

 

[BjarkeT]

It may be that you are using a process that you don't trust. If your brain don't trust your process it won't give you the motivation required to study. That what Cal Newport says.

It could also be that the method you use causes some kind of friction which make the process more difficult than it need to be.

Cal Newport recommends going through these 3 steps: 

1: How long am I going to study?

2: How am I going to study?

3: How do I know these methods will work?

I recommend watching this video:

https://youtu.be/ppvVsSQa9gc

If your current method for retaining information isn't much effective I recommend using flash cards with anki where you make what you need to remember into question and answers the reason why this works is because in the process of trying to recall the answer you strengthen the memory and that turns it into long term memory. 

I am not sure which process you use but some people like to reread information with the hopes that it sticks this method seems to work but all it is, is just creating the illusion of mastery because you are getting more familiar with the text while in reality to really remember something you have to recall it not passively rereading. Just mentioning in case that the method you use. 

Edited September 4, 2019 by BjarkeT

[Truth Addict]

@Sidra

[Truth Addict]

@The Don

Activate your ego.

[CreamCat]

Find ways to love what you study. Find ways to become curious about what you learn in various ways.

Without love, grit, and curiosity, you cannot go far.

You probably have been curious about many things. So, you have direct experience of curiosity.

You can blow curiosity into your study, too.

Edited September 5, 2019 by CreamCat

[dpvifa]

Do you exercise? Going for walks / hikes, etcetera.

[Average Investor]

I think enjoyment is really the largest factor in it. I was a terrible student in classes I did not enjoy. I suck up information like a sponge while I am interested in the topic. I actually will get partially though a book and switch to another if I get resistance to reading it. I like to be excited by the information I am taking in. If I am excited by it I will share it with others, which in turn makes it very memorable for me. 

When I had resistance in college I just powered through it. I could still find my self in that rut now. But really all I do is stop doing it. Sometimes I find myself without much time to read a book, or resistance to it. I have one right now I am itching to read more of. But I am okay with the cycle of not reading it. I have retained half of the book very well and have improved my life from the information as it is.  You're probably just burnt out. I go and play some video games, work on a car, listen to music, or on occasion smoke weed. Now I don't mean to indulge in those things all the time. Just take a day a week at least if you can. I have a hard time with my business stuff spilling into the time, but when I get it I perform so much better.  Take your mind off it for a day if you can. I bet you will come back more refreshed. 

[Pouya]

@The Don Honestly what is the thing you unconsciously/consciously dislike about the studying you do?

What is the true reason why you "should" yourself to study?

In my country, in order to get into a decent university I have to study 6-10 hours a day for a year for this huge exam. It's like it is the finals but for a whole year.

I talk with myself outloud when I'm alone, so I had a long inquiry doing this for 4 hours straight until I got my shit together.

First I found out the real motive/reason behind why I would like to choose studying for this exam rather than not studying for it.

Then I found out what are the things I hate about studying which leads me into suffering. They were the feeling of mental work and my tendency for videogames which I got over it after months.

Take a whole day to think about these, honestly.

Also this video helped me a lot:

I'm sure you'll get over it

[The Don]

Thank you, guys.

I will do what's necessary to raise my consciousness so I can identify the unconscious problem of resistance.