Advice! Opened the Pandora's box of suffering.

[Matt23]

Hey.  

Back story (from what i remember).  In the last 5-7 years I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression, off and on.  I think has been there for my entire life though.  I've never felt able to hold a long lasting connection with many, if any, people.  All types of relationships.  I've also been struggling with binge eating and an addiction to porn.  

Last night I smoked some weed (I don't normally smoke weed but have smoked maybe 4 time in the last 7-8 days or so.  Before I smoked I was trying to figure out what i wanted from healing since I'm going to a breathwork session this week.

To cut a long story short, I kept thought "I'm a gay guy who's been masturbating to women and straight porn for pretty much his entire life.  Even as a child."  It was like the gravity of the situation grew by X100.  I also felt and saw how scared I am to be myself.  

I don't know if i perceived correctly.  But I do know that I was on the border of freaking out.  I managed to navigate it and say to myself that I should put it away till I'm in a safer and more supportive environment.  It felt like opening Pandora's box.  

I was also excited at one point since "something was happening", and I've been struggling to understand my neuroses for some time now.  It's like I'm starting to crack open more than I ever have.  Which is scary too

I'm at a point now where I can either try to get if done all at once or take bite sized chunks and go slow.  I feel like going slow is the wisest option.  And that if find the right person and environment, I'll open up.  

[Alex]

Beeing yourself is the key to see betterment in your anxiety and depression, also verbalizing or wrting out how you feel will help to sort thing out. Chances are you are not very well in touch with your emotions which likly causes your neurotic symptoms. Also go easy on yourself especially with implenting new habbits or eliminating bad ones focus on 1 maybe 2 things at a time otherwise you will likely fall back into your old patterns.

 

I wish you well my friend! 

 

[Matt23]

Thanks.  Yeah, I think I have a tendency to go overboard with all the self-help stuff.  A yoga teacher recently suggested to the class to go easy and express more Yin (female, compassionate, easy, etc.), as the culture I was brought up in (Canada, modern western culture) is very Yang (male, action, positivism, etc.).  He talked about how if people go too far outside their comfort zones, they'll be too tense and can risk straining or traumatizing themselves more, and how relaxing back a bit will help loosen us up and allow the space needed to open up.

Thinking about it now, I can see how certain aspects of self-help could be used as a distraction from dealing with other aspects that we don't want to deal with.  I've been doing it for a few years now, and before I felt relatively calm doing it.  Like "What's the big deal?  What do you mean 'healing is scary'?"  This is the most scared, uncomfortable, and nervous I've been with healing so I feel like it means I'm on to something.

Cheers.

Questions for all who've gone through a healing process:

- What do you wish you would have done more of throughout the process?

- What was/is the most important thing that helped you through the process?