Does anyone have any experience on 12-step, specifically co-dependents anonymous

[studentofthegame]

Alright everyone.

I'm considering attending 12-step for Co-dependents anonymous. 

I'm working towards untangling relationship issues from the past and improving my relationships going forwards and this is an area I am willing to look at. The core approach I have been using for the last 3 years is psychodynamic attachment therapy.

I know @Bill W has spoken about 12-step and I would like to hear more from anyone with some experience.

[Nahm]

@studentofthegame Is there codependency in your life now, or only in memory? What is the ideal, the best case scenario outcome for you from such a course?

[studentofthegame]

Hi @Nahm. Thanks for the reply.

There has been co-dependency in the past, and I think there continues to be today, although I am in a stronger position of being aware of it and willing to take action.

The core issue and deepest fear I have is of losing my mother, and not being able to cope with the grief. We had a difficult past and I feel tremendous empathy and sadness for her, and guilt about what a difficult and angry child I was for her to raise. There was co-dependancy and neuroses there. I love her and she loves me a great deal, but we are not emotionally or intellectually attuned, which i find frustrating and she finds confusing.

What do I hope to achieve? I’m willing to try anything and everything to heal old wounds and improve my relationships with both my mother and my intimate relationships where i experience insecurity and jealousy.

 

 

[Nahm]

@studentofthegame

I’d say the ‘wounds to heal’ are actually more going deeper into yourself, into the feelings. Maybe write some letters to her, wether you give them to her or not, pretend you are when you write em. Look for that place of realization where you don’t need her to understand you. 

I don’t think the fear is so much in losing her, but in being stuck never having said what you really wanted to. Grief can be enlightening. I’m sure you’ve noticed everyone grieves differently as snowflake. This is all the relative thoughts, beliefs, indenting, etc, one questions. Best to get it all out, express. 

The insecurity and jealousy or of this same vein. Self inspection, sensations and thoughts. Align them. 

[studentofthegame]

@Nahm the letter writing is a good idea. My needing her to understand me is something i can imagine would be difficult to let go. We’ll see. And on that, it’s a good point you have made. Thank-you.

[Nahm]

11 minutes ago, studentofthegame said:

My needing her to understand me is something i can imagine would be difficult to let go.

 Byron Katie‘s work sheet on her website is perfect for that. 

[studentofthegame]

@Nahm

thank you for that recommendation. It looks interesting. I will do some of that work. Have you done it yourself?

[Nahm]

@studentofthegame Yes, it’s a very useful sheet. I’d use it to realize some things we’d swear were true, are only perspectives we hold onto in misunderstanding sensations. Maybe use the sheets for a few months, and then move on to a dry erase board and your life’s dream. 

[studentofthegame]

@Nahm

what do you mean by my life’s dream, and what is the dry erase board method you mention?

[Nahm]

@studentofthegame Write what you want in this life on a dry erase board.