What's wrong with living an unconscious life?

[Billy Shears]

I gotta be honest to you.

I don't do any spiritual practices, I'm addicted to bad stuff like alcohol and cannabis, I have OCD, etc. and I'm still  heavily identified with my ego/body/mind.

I know that there is more to life, I feel that I'm living an illusion but the only reason why I got into this stuff is because I had two psychotic episodes when I realized that my whole life is determined and free will is an illusion. After the bliss I got really mad, thought that I was Jesus, etc. You know this sick stuff.

Maybe I could just start doing the work or taking some psychedelics to break through the illusion. But I'm too afraid that eventually I'll lose my mind and go insane because I'm very fragile, have always been.

I don't want to sound like a victim, I'm just trying to describe my current situation.

Should I continue researching about enlightenment or should I better focus on other things which keep me trapped in the illusion but would rather serve my sanity?

In the end what I'm trying to say is does it really matter? I mean if I'm really God, everytying and nothing at the same time, absolute infinity... Shouldn't I just give a f*ck?

If that's what I as God want to experience, isn't it perfect so that there aren't right or wrong choices? If God wants to experience itself as this ego, why should I worry that I'm not enlightened or woke and that I live an unconscious life?

Thanks for your responses.

Edited August 31, 2019 by Billy Shears

[Truth Addict]

Fuck consciousness!

Are you happy?

[ajasatya]

@Billy Shears There's nothing wrong with it.

In my case, I got tired of suffering. It had nothing to do with what others thought about me.

[Billy Shears]

@Truth Addict

Yeah, fuck this shit!  Sounds easier than it is. No, I'm not happy. 

[Billy Shears]

@ajasatya

And that's another problem I forgot. It is too important to me how I affect others and what they think about me. But what if there are no others and they are all me?

[Truth Addict]

10 minutes ago, Billy Shears said:

@Truth Addict

No, I'm not happy. 

Find happiness first.

[Kensho]

1 hour ago, Billy Shears said:

If that's what I as God want to experience, isn't it perfect so that there aren't right or wrong choices? If God wants to experience itself as this ego, why should I worry that I'm not enlightened or woke and that I live an unconscious life?

I believe that you yourself realize that in the above statement we see the ego at its finest.

Nevertheless, in reality there is nothing wrong per se. The pure subjectivity of life as an experience makes it difficult to argue or discuss on the matter. 

Life above all is an experience, that is, it has a perceived level ( (the so called 'qualia') of contentment that comes from the everyday happiness-inducing (or misery) experiences, or the thoughts we make of the experiences to be exact. The high consciousness self-actualized life feels inconceivably different than the unconscious one. That inconceivability is what creates the problem.

To put it in plain words: "You don't know what you 're missing"

Edited August 31, 2019 by Kensho

[ajasatya]

37 minutes ago, Billy Shears said:

But what if there are no others and they are all me?

What if you have no idea what you're talking abut? Why are these letters that you're reading right now even popping into existence?

[Billy Shears]

@ajasatya

You're probably right, but I guess these words won't help me right now in my unconscious state. 

[Billy Shears]

@Truth Addict

May I ask you if you are happy? And what does bliss depend on in your opinion?

[Billy Shears]

53 minutes ago, Kensho said:

I believe that you yourself realize that in the above statement we see the ego at its finest.

@Kensho

Why do you think so?

[Aaron p]

@Billy Shears you sound like a psychotic. I'm a psychotic to. The thing is, I know your suffering...and I do.

And the thing is, the suffering won't go away ever. Also, people like us have a bit of an unfair advantage. When someone suffers from any kind of psychological condition, the pain flows through all of reality and it exposes the spirit realm. Someone who is in constant pain is pretty much guaranteed that they'll have a higher consciousness than average. They have something something that seekers wish they had, something keeping them constantly aware of the present moment. Even if it's pain. Keeps you constantly aware. I don't mind it.

 

Don't smoke grass, it makes the anxiety worse. Trust me, you'll Wana quit that

Edited August 31, 2019 by Aaron p

[Truth Addict]

50 minutes ago, Billy Shears said:

@Truth Addict

May I ask you if you are happy?

I am happiness.

50 minutes ago, Billy Shears said:

@Truth Addict

What does bliss depend on in your opinion?

Nothing.

It's a gift, so you still have to open it first.

Edited August 31, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Kensho]

24 minutes ago, Billy Shears said:

@Kensho

Why do you think so?

The ego doesn't want to change . What you wrote sounds like the perfect excuse for not stepping up and break out of the problematic situation.

You had hard times during and after the psychotic episodes and this makes it even more difficult. I understand. It s a hell of a confusion. 

I think you could try to stay away from all the non-dual, god, infinite-nothing stuff for some time. The illusion you have to break through first is the one created in your mind by embracing the non-dual teachings. Somehow they mixed strangely with your prior paradigm and messed you up.

Try watching Leo's video "How to deal with confusion"

 

[Barna]

I had a similar discussion on another thread. I'm too lazy to rephrase my answer, so I'm just gonna copy-paste it

Here it comes:

"Whatever you do is perfect, it's not a question of good or bad. The difference between being awake and being asleep is the same as the difference between truth and illusion. Being asleep basically means that we're dreaming a comfortable lie for ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that, sometimes we need some comfort on the way. But if you've ever tried to cling to comfort for too long then you know that it leads to more and more suffering the longer you try to cling to it."

So you can ignore spirituality and enjoy your "vacation" while you can. But your words sound like something in you already started to awaken, so I'm sure that life will throw you out of your comfort zone pretty quickly!

[Barna]

3 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Fuck consciousness!

Are you happy?

@Truth Addict have you read The Power of Now? In that book there's a chapter with the title "Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace"

 

[MuddyBoots]

You know, this shows how hard it is to see things from each other's perspective well enough to give helpful advice. I had an episode of depression and anxiety 25 years ago, healed that fortunately, and my spiritual practice continued though it has changed focus through the years. Your situation and dreams are different from mine but I think there's still a sense of needing to look after and be kind to ourselves, heal and build up a healthy self while seeing the truth of what it is, actually.  Rather than all this anti-ego stuff which is such a big part of this scene. Let alone the hardcore psychedelic trips which I don't think are helpful for a fragile mind.  

You say you're not doing any spiritual practices, but why not look more widely, find suitable activities for your present situation. Simple things like walking in nature, cooking, gentle yoga and exercise, gardening, art and craft or music. Make up your own tea ceremony, whatever works for you. If done mindfully, why shouldn't they be spiritual practices too? Good luck and if it feels right, please let us know how you are getting on from time to time. 

Nick. 

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Billy Shears said:

I gotta be honest to you.

I don't do any spiritual practices, I'm addicted to bad stuff like alcohol and cannabis, I have OCD, etc. and I'm still  heavily identified with my ego/body/mind.

I know that there is more to life, I feel that I'm living an illusion but the only reason why I got into this stuff is because I had two psychotic episodes when I realized that my whole life is determined and free will is an illusion. After the bliss I got really mad, thought that I was Jesus, etc. You know this sick stuff.

Maybe I could just start doing the work or taking some psychedelics to break through the illusion. But I'm too afraid that eventually I'll lose my mind and go insane because I'm very fragile, have always been.

I don't want to sound like a victim, I'm just trying to describe my current situation perspective.

 

-The refuge is in questions above this line, not below.- 

 

Should I continue researching about enlightenment or should I better focus on other things which keep me trapped in the illusion but would rather serve my sanity?

In the end what I'm trying to say is does it really matter? I mean if I'm really God, everytying and nothing at the same time, absolute infinity... Shouldn't I just give a f*ck?

If that's what I as God want to experience, isn't it perfect so that there aren't right or wrong choices? If God wants to experience itself as this ego, why should I worry that I'm not enlightened or woke and that I live an unconscious life?

There’s a great spacious relief between who you are, and the choices, thoughts, behaviors, etc. With an inward mind, find new distinctions & nuances, such as who you are is beyond the duality of free will & determinism. You are perfect, whole, already infinity complete. There is not a thing wrong with you. Wrong is just a thought, another duality. You, awareness - talking to You - shine on all the yangs to your yins. Write on paper, in brevity, exactly what you are feeling. Then write the opposite next to it. Look at one, then the other, back and forth. Notice awareness gets to choose. You, awareness, the transcendent one, beyond the choice, aware of. 

“All the darkness of the cosmos is not enough to extinguish a single candle.”

Do one small thing today or tomorrow. Just spend five minutes writing that down. Literally, five minutes. SImply for haven chosen to do this for yourself, you begin to feel better, and perspectives change. 

 ? “ The One and only! ?  Biiiiiiiiiiillllllllyyyyyyyyyy ?  SHHHEEEEEAAAARRRSS!! ?”  ♥️

[Ananta]

>>>What's wrong with living an unconscious life?<<<

Not a damn thing. Many even awaken and go back to sleep for awhile...or lifetimes, but once your head is in the tigers mouth it's only a matter of time until there's no turning back. 

[Truth Addict]

6 hours ago, Barna said:

@Truth Addict have you read The Power of Now? In that book there's a chapter with the title "Beyond happiness and unhappiness there is peace"

Labels.