Am I Too Picky?

[Dlavjr]

I've been single for a few months now. I'm trying to get out into the dating scene again but I'm having trouble finding somebody that meets my criteria. I don't ask for much, I want somebody emotionally stable, somebody that has personality and passions for something, and somebody that takes their personal health seriously (I have a tendency to be somewhat shallow when it comes to weight, stemming from myself formally being obese I try to avoid people that aren't at least trying to get in shape). Problem is, I'm only 20, so the girls my age I feel for the most part haven't really matured yet to the point that they have themselves figured out the way I'm expecting them to. Am I setting my bar too high? Or should I just be patient and keep looking? I'm not exactly desperate, but I miss the spark and excitement of romance and having a partner to grow alongside. 

[Spiral]

Let's do some math.

• I want somebody emotionally stable, let's say 75%.
• Somebody that has personality, 100%.
• Passions for something, hmm well let's be conservative and say 40%.
• Somebody that takes their personal health seriously, depends how strict you are but I'd say 60%.

All and all that's 18% (0,75*1*0,4*0,6) seems reasonable.

Basically what I'm saying you have more criteria you may or not be aware of.

 

Edited August 29, 2019 by Spiral

[Dlavjr]

That's fair. I suppose if I really think deep into myself and be honest, I have a hard time letting go of certain things I've found in other women and I look for those specific qualities.

[Deepconcepts]

Maybe just keep dating before doing a relationship. Do you regularly date?

[Dlavjr]

1 hour ago, Deepconcepts said:

Maybe just keep dating before doing a relationship. Do you regularly date?

Not really. I've been single for about 6 months, prior to that I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and before that the same thing, I've never really just dated casually

 

[Identity]

You could also date older girls/women. Don’t count those out ?

[Dlavjr]

16 hours ago, Identity said:

You could also date older girls/women. Don’t count those out ?

Ive never counted out older women, I've just never thought about it. I'm not really sure where to meet older women or even how to talk to them, girls my age are where I've kinda been comfortable. I'm open to it though

16 hours ago, Identity said:

 

On 9/10/2019 at 2:32 PM, Deepconcepts said:

Maybe just keep dating before doing a relationship. Do you regularly date?

Not really. I've been single for about 6 months, prior to that I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and before that the same thing, I've never really just dated casually

 

[arina456]

If you are considering the option of dating older girls, you can use dating apps. If you are not interested in dating girls of your age, then the option of dating older girls may be a good idea.

[Dlavjr]

18 hours ago, arina456 said:

If you are considering the option of dating older girls, you can use dating apps. If you are not interested in dating girls of your age, then the option of dating older girls may be a good idea.

I made an account on Tinder a couple days ago, and again I find myself so much pickier. It's like, I judge women based solely on looks because 90% of the time their bios say nothing about them, and they themselves are never particularly interesting. Guess I gotta accept that if I want the RIGHT person I gotta be patient.

On 9/11/2019 at 1:08 AM, Identity said:

You could also date older girls/women. Don’t count those out ?

Ive never counted out older women, I've just never thought about it. I'm not really sure where to meet older women or even how to talk to them, girls my age are where I've kinda been comfortable. I'm open to it though

On 9/11/2019 at 1:08 AM, Identity said:

 

On 9/10/2019 at 2:32 PM, Deepconcepts said:

Maybe just keep dating before doing a relationship. Do you regularly date?

Not really. I've been single for about 6 months, prior to that I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and before that the same thing, I've never really just dated casually

 

[MAYA EL]

There's no such thing as too picky I didn't have very many girlfriends despite the opportunities I had being blessed genetically but still I had an extremely high standard that only a select few women I've ever met and before getting married between my wife and my ex-girlfriend before her I was single for two and a half years because I was not going to settle for something I didn't really want however during that time I tried my best to become equally as qualified for their picking because I never ask something of somebody I wouldn't do myself. A little over seven years married now and still happy

[Dlavjr]

On 9/13/2019 at 10:45 PM, MAYA EL said:

There's no such thing as too picky I didn't have very many girlfriends despite the opportunities I had being blessed genetically but still I had an extremely high standard that only a select few women I've ever met and before getting married between my wife and my ex-girlfriend before her I was single for two and a half years because I was not going to settle for something I didn't really want however during that time I tried my best to become equally as qualified for their picking because I never ask something of somebody I wouldn't do myself. A little over seven years married now and still happy

I think that's pretty fair. I'm kind of the same way, I try to better myself in every way I can and as narcissistic as it seems I don't wanna settle for anybody that's not where I am in life. I'm not a very insecure or depressed person and I'm outgoing and like to exercise and go out, I just don't find girls attractive if their only personality is eating, drinking, smoking, etc. I'm just impatient I think

[Alexop]

Oh my man, how I feel you. Yah, quite hard to find a good girl. Your standards are not too high, the people are too low. Of course, just look at what is marketed around, go to youtube trending, at least in my country(Romania) people watch the most unconscious bullshit possible. These are the times man, I`m also struggling with finding a good girl, but still bad luck. I understand them, I could`ve been exactly the same as them, just a zombie with no purpose, passions, dreams and so on. I was lucky to experience a lot of pain and have an ambitious personality to solve it. That made me who I am. Other people were lucky to have great parents who knew how to raise them, and you were also lucky in some way that you escaped the zombie life. But most people, unfortunately,  did not. I can`t tell you an exact percentage but there are a few great girls out there, just be patient and trust yourself. Don`t try to be somebody else, it will end up quite bad. Girls are attracted to people of their level of consciousness, so if you are stage green/yellow, a stage orange girl(most 20 years old are there) won`t be very interested in you. Keep up!

[flowboy]

@Dlavjr  So we've determined that 18% of women meet your criteria.

So the bottleneck is not the criteria. Why are we even still talking about that?!

The bottleneck here is how many women you're meeting!

Pickiness is a non-issue until there actually are women to pick from.

How many are you meeting a week? Per month? And how?

Because based on previous calculations by @Spiral, every 6th woman should be a good one!

Edited September 16, 2019 by flowboy

[arina456]

On 13.09.2019 at 0:54 PM, Dlavjr said:

Guess I gotta accept that if I want the RIGHT person I gotta be patient.

 

 

Yeah, it's gonna take some time. Meanwhile, you can casually date (coffee, nothing serious) just to have experience and gain some confidence in dating. Who knows, maybe you can find someone special unexpectedly. 

[Dlavjr]

3 hours ago, flowboy said:

@Dlavjr

How many are you meeting a week? Per month? And how?

Because based on previous calculations by @Spiral, every 6th woman should be a good one!

Admittedly not too many. I'm a social guy, I make conversation with as many girls as I meet, but evidently you don't meet too many when you work on a construction site and fill your free time up with hobbies and meeting up with friends. I tried Tinder for a week, and I'm very aware that a week is not nearly enough time to find somebody, but honestly I just got tired of swiping through the same recycled profiles of girls who seem all too similar. I think out of the 6 matches I had, one of them actually conversed with me and mid conversation just kinda stopped responding. I'm not really sure how good my "game" is but I know I'm an outgoing guy. It doesn't help that I live in a somewhat shitty area in Rhode Island so a lot of the girls around here are pretty predictable and kind of clingy and superficial. I see what you're saying, though. I haven't really put myself out there long enough to really say that there's nobody out there.