Frustrated

[AverageMonkey]

Hi all,
So my problem is that i've been suffering with quite severy social anxiety and mild depression for most my life (im 20). I have never used any medication for it. One time i went to see a doctor, but they only told me things that i already knew and offered medication, so i declined and stopped going there. About 6 months ago i started to do meditation every day, first for 10-20 minutes, eventually 30-60 mins. I watched leos and other spiritual teachers videos everyday and started to get real progress. after few months of work i was really peaceful and saw trought my negative thoughts, but still i was anxious in social situations, but not nearly as much as before. Now a month ago i started at a new job, whitch is quite shitty factory job with low wage. It all went fine for a week or two, I was able to be present and was in pretty good mood, but i was so tired when i got home that i didn't have the energy to meditate so often. The past two weeks have been pure hell. I've been so anxious and negative, it's almost worse than ever before. I'm constantly lost in my thoughts.
Now when i try to meditate, i'm really irritated and seem to have lost all the progress i made. All the consepts of enlightenment circle in my head and i'm so confused.

[Corte]

It's so easy to get caught up in that daily lifestyle and it pretty much ruins any chance of self growth. The only reason you should keep this job is if it will lead to something better for you and you need the experience. If not, you should find something that works around your meditation and enlightenment work. I thought it would be impossible to find a better job than I already had, (more pay, better hours, less stress) but here I am today with all of that! You aren't being forced to stay in this situation. If it's important enough to you, all you have to do is go out and get it. 

Another thing to watch out for is blaming your job for prohibiting growth. I understand that it exhausts you, but it can just as easily be a way out - created by the ego, to avoid doing hard long term work. You should be 100% honest with yourself and ask why you are so frustrated. Is it because your job is sucking your soul? Or is it a blame game? 

If actualizing is a priority, you'll make it happen no matter what. I changed my whole life around a self-growth lifestyle, and even if I don't become enlightened and become godly, it's still a much more peaceful and enjoyable life. It's a win-win. 

[Nathalie]

On 8.5.2016 at 1:56 PM, AverageMonkey said:

but i was so tired when i got home that i didn't have the energy to meditate so often

 

I can understand you really good until this phrase..

Do you need energy in order to meditate ?  For me it's quite the opposite.. It use to give me some instead..

Therefore the next questions :

Do you enjoy the meditation(s) you make ?

Do you always practice the same one ? You could try guided meditations for example, maybe it's even more relaxing after hard work ?

Another point is : what are you doing, instead of meditating, to relaxe? Sport? Going out in the nature?

I actually think that your inner and outer state are interdependent:

.. I don't know, but for me it's always easier to work from the inside.. Change my point of view, my position.. Your job is miserable? Anyway, you can focus on the positive sides and have so much good times meanwhile and after your work, can't you? Maybe it doesnt last long and you have the opportunity to a better one.. Things change sometimes very fast..

Not to meditate doesn't automatically lead to bad mood or depression.. It depends much more of your habits and attitude.

 

Edited May 9, 2016 by MartineF

[Armand]

@AverageMonkey In all honesty that type of job makes it extremely hard to be able and reach new heights within yourself. Although it is possible. Would be a bit easier if you had extra time to try and find another job that might pay more. That way it could give you more time to dedicate to your life goals. I'm now working on designing my own website with a friend of mine cuz we like coding. We will be going back to college together to try and make our dreams unite. (yes we will both still work and maintain a steady income). Multitasking is essential to bettering yourself, but I'm sure you can manage it if you try hard enough. You are a very HARD working person with lots of POTENTIAL. Factory jobs make you STRONG inside as well as physically. Social anxiety is hard to get over, but EVERYONE POOPS and then DIES. You can literally talk to ANYONE  you want to, and the worst that may happen is that they might talk too much or not at all. Depression is natural, but you deserve to be happy. We all do, but the only person who can make that possible is yourself. Loving yourself is the key to killing all the depressed thoughts that might plague your mind. 

Edited May 9, 2016 by Holdup

[charlie2dogs]

On 5/8/2016 at 7:56 AM, AverageMonkey said:

Hi all,
So my problem is that i've been suffering with quite severy social anxiety and mild depression for most my life (im 20). I have never used any medication for it. One time i went to see a doctor, but they only told me things that i already knew and offered medication, so i declined and stopped going there. About 6 months ago i started to do meditation every day, first for 10-20 minutes, eventually 30-60 mins. I watched leos and other spiritual teachers videos everyday and started to get real progress. after few months of work i was really peaceful and saw trought my negative thoughts, but still i was anxious in social situations, but not nearly as much as before. Now a month ago i started at a new job, whitch is quite shitty factory job with low wage. It all went fine for a week or two, I was able to be present and was in pretty good mood, but i was so tired when i got home that i didn't have the energy to meditate so often. The past two weeks have been pure hell. I've been so anxious and negative, it's almost worse than ever before. I'm constantly lost in my thoughts.
Now when i try to meditate, i'm really irritated and seem to have lost all the progress i made. All the consepts of enlightenment circle in my head and i'm so confused.

The mind is like a garden, it can produce good fruit, or briars and thorns.  You are the product of your thoughts.  The answer to your question is in your own statement.  You are confused because of your thought.  It seems that you have no control over your thought right now and things have gotten much worse for you.  One of the first problems you saw your job as a shitty factory job, rather than a job to help you accomplish what you took the job for.  In order for a garden to produce good fruit, it must be tilled, fertilized and tended to all the time, the mind requires the same thing in order to have peace and produce good rather than being anxious, negative and confusion.  This all relates to you functioning as the identity rather than from your core being.  If you want things to get better you will have to change the way you are thinking about the things that are confusing you, and causing you these problems.  Misuse of the mind can completely drain you of energy, and create a world of pain and suffering, this is what you are doing now.  If you want life to be better, begin to change your thought process.

[AverageMonkey]

Thanks for all the replies !!

@Corte  Yes i see that now.. i though it would be easy to keep the same momentum with self growth as before, when i took the job. It's funny though, to see how different person i become when i stop working on myself for a short period.    gladly this is only a summer job and ends in a few months. and yes it's been a blame game too, i could still do meditation every day if i had the will power, but many days it feels like its a battle in my head and the lazy stuff wins too often.
@MartineF well, i have the problem of falling asleep very easily when meditating even if im well rested... and i work in two shifts so my sleep cycle never gets very good. Also the last month i had to always mentally force myself to meditate, which i never had to do before. I used to do strong determination alot, but now i've done only the easiest onces. For relaxation other than meditation i usually go for a run or just listen to music...etc
@Holdup  yeah this would be a total dead end job if i stayed there, but it's just for the summer so i can save some extra money for college where i hopefully start in fall. I'm going to study cyber safety, web development too

@charlie2dogs Yes it's like before i used my mind and observed everything that happened and was peace with everything most of the time. But i think something triggered the "pain body" in me and the mind took over. I think i need to work on my identity alot also, in the last six months it's been mostly about raising my awareness and enlightenment work. 

[Nathalie]

@AverageMonkey ok.. and how could we help you? What would be good for you? Imagine you have 3 wishes.. Perhaps it's realisable?

Besides, just another thing that helps me a lot in "bad" situations, it's to remember not to try to avoid them but accept them fully, to go through the feelings, where do you feel it ? in your stomac? In your heard? In your throat? Is it warm, cold? It's pure energy without the story behind

[AverageMonkey]

@MartineF I dont have any wishes really, your answers already helped alot with my situation .

I try to do the same thing, but the mind is tricky maybe i need to raise my awareness little more to be able to do that trought the whole "bad" situation.

[ArabiaNytes]

@AverageMonkey

So I have been experiencing the same thing, it feels like a rollercoaster from the highs of self-improvement to the lows of relapsing, right? 

Through the process of extinction, there will be spontaneous recovery and finally extinction bursts. (Google these terms as they are found in behavioral psychology.)

Anyways, anxiety and depression are deeply seeded into your being and it will have to take time, patience and understanding in order to uproot the poison inside by the method of practice. 

In time, with diligent practice, living will becomes easier and feel better. 

I especially believe that since meditation and building awareness is so powerful, our own ego see this as a threat and resists being defeated. Bad habits of old thinking and feeling need be cut out in order to move on. 

It's unnerving to think that relapses have to happen in order to outgrow the mental and emotional manias, but the optimism in embracing the lows help one see the progress they're truly making. 

?