Let go!

[Danioover9000]

   About a week ago I was pissed at a neighbor when he was cutting my family's Conifer hedge. My father had gone around the hedge to meet him and I crawled under one of the conifers  following him and Because my heart was beating fast and adrenaline flowed I barely felt a branch stab into my right arm. The guy claimed to my father he was cutting because some branches were in the way of him sliding a fence down. I can clearly see enough room for him to do his work on the fence. They quickly were arguing and I saw my mother gone around the hedge and she shouted at him that he should have knocked on our door first before cutting the tree because that's our tree. He started acting like a drama queen and I roared "shut up!" at him. He backed off and in the end we had to cut our branches. I even fell on a piece of concrete while helping out.

   The entire situation, from start to finish, I felt emotionally and physically under tension, especially while I was witnessing my father and this guy argue like I was in a state of anticipation that things could get dangerous and I was ready to go.

   Now I feel extremely sore around my right arm and ankle, and I feel both paranoia and vengeful around that guy's house for his treatment of the tree and my father.

   Any good advice on letting go physical pain, paranoia and revenge?

[Danioover9000]

24 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

   About a week ago I was pissed at a neighbor when he was cutting my family's Conifer hedge. My father had gone around the hedge to meet him and I crawled under one of the conifers  following him and Because my heart was beating fast and adrenaline flowed I barely felt a branch stab into my right arm. The guy claimed to my father he was cutting because some branches were in the way of him sliding a fence down. I can clearly see enough room for him to do his work on the fence. They quickly were arguing and I saw my mother gone around the hedge and she shouted at him that he should have knocked on our door first before cutting the tree because that's our tree. He started acting like a drama queen and I roared "shut up!" at him. He backed off and in the end we had to cut our branches. I even fell on a piece of concrete while helping out.

   The entire situation, from start to finish, I felt emotionally and physically under tension, especially while I was witnessing my father and this guy argue like I was in a state of anticipation that things could get dangerous and I was ready to go.

   Now I feel extremely sore around my right arm and ankle, and I feel both paranoia and vengeful around that guy's house for his treatment of the tree and my father.

   Any good advice on letting go physical pain, paranoia and revenge?

   So basically, do I focus on my bruises during meditation? Be mindful of my pain during the day? Or notice and say let go to the injuries?

   Do I be mindful of my feelings of paranoia and revenge? Or let them go as soon as they arise?

[Salvijus]

Being mindful is better then trying to sweep aside. If you try to ignore it then you're only supressing it into your subconscious mind and it doesn't solve anything. It will bite you sooner or later. 

Being mindful is better but it's not enough also. If you want to be free from these feeling you have to be mindful of them and at the same time remain equanimous without reacting to it. Only then it slowly gets dissolved and passes away. These two steps are equaly important. But this takes a lot of practice and time and proper delivery of a whole technique. If you're interested in learning it, i would reccomend a vipassana course. It's all about this but 100 times more effective then what you're doing now 

Edited August 29, 2019 by Salvijus

[Danioover9000]

7 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Being mindful is better then trying to sweep aside. If you try to ignore it then you're only supressing it into your subconscious mind and it doesn't solve anything. It will bite you sooner or later. 

Being mindful is better but it's not enough also. If you want to be free from these feeling you have to be mindful of them and at the same time remain equanimous without reacting to it. Only then it slowly gets dissolved and passes away. These two steps are equaly important. But this takes a lot of practice and time and proper delivery of a whole technique. If you're interested in learning it, i would reccomend a vipassana course. It's all about this but 100 times more effective then what you're doing now 

   I observed myself being mindful about the bruises. I put attention on them, label the experience as feel, and observed the sensation. I understand a little bit that being mindful vs suppression is that the later felt like I'm resisting and pushing the pain away and the former the pain occurs without my input.

   I don't think I understand equanimity vs resistance or being passive with regards to feeling paranoia and vengeful. I tried being mindful of the feelings that come up but they seem to be hard to pinpoint and harder to remain stoic about.

   Could you explain a little bit more about equanimity as it sounds to me like I'm just tolerating the experience and being passive with whatever feelings come up.

   Could you also explain how, from your experience, what letting go feels like or any other sensory experience of letting go? I'm trying to let go of my pain and the negative emotions I'm still experiencing since the incident.

   Also, Isn't letting go a spiritual topic?

   Thanks for the vipassana course recommendation. My current circumstances aren't ideal for a solo retreat yet but I'm planning to do it in the future.