Helping an ill relative get enlighted

[Avi Tal]

Dear friends,

 

I have a (very close) relative which is (hopefully) recovering from high grade cancer. I would like to help her get enlightened, mainly (but not only) because I assume it will help her recover quicker.

 

A little about my (objective model) self: I am a software engineer, 51 years old. I consider myself "mostly enlightened", since I still have negative thoughts from time to time, mostly around financial issues (which I concisely know they are fictitious).

 

My relative is 47 and has a BA in mathematics and computer programming, so I assume she is capable of understanding your model of conciseness.

Nevertheless, whenever I try to mention this issue, all in good will of course, she gets mad, says that I try to humiliate her with things she cannot understand, says that she is a simple person, and believes that external events are what make her happy, sad, angry, stresses, frightened and so on. As far as I understand, she has not yet transcended beyond ego.

She is being treated by a professional which (I assume from stories) is an enlightened person, but there are no signs that this person has gone with her beyond the cliché of "you decide to feel stressed, frightened... and you interpret things like this and that".

 

I am willing to try and take the challenge of helping her, but how?

So far I completely failed reaching her in these levels.

Your help will be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

[zeroISinfinity]

You Can only do work for yourself. Do not push it on others. 

Your desire to help someone else and convincing them That your way is right way is clear projection. 

You want to help yourself. Trust me If You help yourself You Will help your friend too. 

Meditation is the way. ❤️

Good luck and all the Best on your path. 

Edited August 29, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Forestluv]

32 minutes ago, Avi Tal said:

I have a (very close) relative which is (hopefully) recovering from high grade cancer. I would like to help her get enlightened, mainly (but not only) because I assume it will help her recover quicker.

whenever I try to mention this issue, all in good will of course, she gets mad, says that I try to humiliate her with things she cannot understand, says that she is a simple person, and believes that external events are what make her happy, sad, angry, stresses, frightened and so on. As far as I understand, she has not yet transcended beyond ego.

I realize you have good intentions and sincerely want to help your relative in a way you think will benefit her. Yet to me it seems like you are trying to force an idea you have about enlightenment onto to her - and it isn’t resonating with her.

I would look at intent and impact. You say your intention is to help her recover quicker, yet the impact is the opposite. She has told you it is causing her stress and humiliation - and that she is a simple person. I would trust her on this and re-orient.

I would focus on one thing: Love. Not conditional love. Unconditional Love for who she is. Visit her with unconditional Love in your heart, not conditional love for what you think she should be. Listen to her. She is trying to teach you how to love others unconditionally. This is an awakening of the heart. 

To sit with someone with unconditional Love is a beautiful gift. No agenda, no expectations, no judgement, no pressure. Just pure presence and Love.

[Avi Tal]

@zeroISinfinity, @Serotoninluv: Thank you both for your excellent answers. I guess you are  both correct. I do love her and want to help. So do you say just drop the idea of discussing  this with her?  Do you mean stop trying to expose her to Leo's videos?

Thanks

Edited August 29, 2019 by Avi Tal

[Forestluv]

@Avi Tal At times, it can be hard to care for loved ones in need. When my dad was in critical condition, I felt so powerless. I asked myself/universe what I could do to help. Then I tried to get in touch with my intuition. For my dad, physical presence was deeply meaningful to him. I drove 700 miles twice to visit him in the hospital and it had a huge impact on him. Then I just took cues from him. He wanted to talk about family memories and stories. That was love for him. He wanted to talk about planning future family events when he recovers - that was love for him. It lifted his spirits and gave him hope and energy. It gave him reason and meaning to recover.

Your situation and relative may be different. And you may resonate with what I write, or maybe not. Someone else may offer different insight that resonates stronger. I would trust your intuition.

[Avi Tal]

@Serotoninluv Thank you very much for all your help and support, and also thanks for sharing your own personal story. I am sure it is not easy. I hope your dad is well now. 

I think I got the picture, and I think I understand now why the professional who is helping my relative has not exposed her to any ideas that would create negative impact.

 

Edited August 29, 2019 by Avi Tal

[ajasatya]

@Avi Tal LIVE what you want to say instead of saying them. The best you can do is inspire people, if they're open to it. The rest is entirely up to them.

[Avi Tal]

@ajasatya Thank you for your answer. Concisely, I know you are right. But it seems like that the implementation is extremely difficult for me. I often get emotional and stressed, and then the ego is in control and changing that is practically impossible...

[RendHeaven]

Be careful! Enlightenment isn't about how often you have negative thoughts.

It's about Truth and Reality.

What is Real?

What is True?

That is all that enlightenment will reveal

[Nahm]

@Avi Tal

What is initially just 'powering through' in spite of one's sensations becomes discord with sensations. Chronically, this becomes tension & stress. In continued ignore-ance of sensations, this becomes dis-ease, manifest. Still resisting, now this ignoring of one's own sensations becomes habit, and one forms beliefs about self, other, and the world, to make sense of one's own ignore-ance of one's own sensations. Beliefs about the nature of the self, the world, judgements, etc. It's not complicated, one must go to the sensations one ignored to begin with, they are still present. Love will purify us of the beliefs in falsity  - one must allow this emotional purification, and not impose the same thought stories and beliefs, but rather, let them go. 

No one can let go for another. But one can exemplify and communicate, one can love & offer their understanding of self. 

Each one is the same pure consciousness, the same love. 

Overtime, one creates a gap, a dissonance, between their desires, and the thoughts they're choosing. One covers this by speaking covertly, in 'write offs - but often doesn't recognize they're doing so'. One begins to disparage and diminish one's self, because they do not understand they have always been the one making themself feel this way, by ignoring their own sensational guidance of their own creating. Whatever one put attention on, one gets more of. Dis-ease, leads to disease, though it's the same discord the whole time. More of it is being created, in focusing & choosing self diminishing thoughts, which are not at all true.  

What you do not want, you must take your attention from. One can not continue to think blue, and be surprised of the continuation of the creation and experience of - blue.  Not thinking about a pink elephant, is still actually thinking about a pink elephant. 

Avoidance of a thing draws it nearer. Attention on shortage creates more reality of shortage. 

The pure consciousness that is you, awareness, consciousness - aware of thoughts, sensations, reality, others - can not be harmed, hurt, nor tarnished in any way. To repeat perspectives as if you could, from a place of defense and protection by ‘othering’, judging (be it self or other), etc, will never feel good, and only draws more of the same not-feeling-good. 

Healing = Love. Reconnecting with sensations is realigning with the source of you, true pure love. One's well being, and one's reality (the world) does change right along side, in accordance, right before our eyes. 

One must however, let go of "what is" - so that reality can bring, can in truth - become, what one is wanting, in alignment with the very fabric of the dream, Love. This is conscious creating. 

Perhaps a good read..."Dying To Be Me" by Anita Moorjani 

Maybe a timely movie...Billy Elliot, or What Dreams May Come. 

[zeroISinfinity]

I want to say this. 

THIS IS PRESENT OF GOD. ♥️

Do YOU get it?

[Avi Tal]

@RendHeaven Sure. I agree with you on that. Nevertheless, I assume that if one is "fully enlightened" before his body demolishes, than negative thoughts are no longer experienced. Is my assumption correct?

[Avi Tal]

@Nahm This is definitely a great post! Unfortunately, as I mentioned, I myself find it difficult to fully experience in the being level, even though I am concisely aware of these ideas. I am hopeful that it will come before my body demolishes.  

[Avi Tal]

@zeroISinfinity I get it from the intellect. Not at all fully from the being level. How can one live this way all of the time from the being level, and get there fast without drugs or other such methods?

Thanks.

[Nahm]

@Avi Tal  The being level?   Sit and listen to your sensations (Inner being). 

[Nahm]

46 minutes ago, Avi Tal said:

@RendHeaven Sure. I agree with you on that. Nevertheless, I assume that if one is "fully enlightened" before his body demolishes, than negative thoughts are no longer experienced. Is my assumption correct?

 Negative thought means a does-not-feel-good-thought. Listen to the sensations, let the thought go.  

 Stubbornly sticking with the thought, and suppressing the sensations, is what the ego is.  Often referred to as delusion, because it is a delusional thing to do to one’s self what does not feel good to one’s self. 

 

 It’s more simple than what you are thinking, and has nothing to do with enlightenment.  That’s a write off you created to make sense of living out of alignment with sensation. ?

Choose a better feeling thought, more aligned with sensations (better feeling).  Do this all the time, pay that dear dear price of feeling good...momentum builds, reality responds, synchronicity ensues.  

 

 Notice, you do not stick your fingers in electrical sockets....just bring that same simple wisdom to your inner game. 

[Aaron p]

@Avi Tal

"I have a (very close) relative which is (hopefully) recovering from high grade cancer. I would like to help her get enlightened, mainly (but not only) because I assume it will help her recover quicker.

 

A little about my (objective model) self: I am a software engineer, 51 years old. I consider myself "mostly enlightened", since I still have negative thoughts from time to time, mostly around financial issues (which I concisely know they are fictitious)."

 

Ok, I can tell straight away from your phraseology that you have a couple of wrong ideas about enlightenment. 

It is extremely hard to become enlightened and takes an incredible amount of effort, work and dedication. Most people will never become enlightened, and for those who do...very very seldom is it that they lead many others to complete enlightenment also. However im guessing that your just trying to help her... meditation has been shown to enhance physical health.

(Also, bro, enlightenment isint measured by how many "negative" thoughts you have haha) 

 

If she isn't responding well to all of this stuff then maybe it's not for her. Try keeping it more simple, and "down to earth" sounding. Instead of jumping straight to the nonduality card...just tell her that you've been doing some research about meditation and how it helps. It's all about gentleness and wisdom. You have to please her ego to reach the Spirit. And you have to remember, this is just God playing with God...

 

From the sounds of it, you need to do a shitton more actual work for yourself. This is what I had to do. Your mind will make all kinds of bullshit up about enlightenment. I listen to the still small voice that tells me "stay quiet" 

Edited August 29, 2019 by Aaron p

[Avi Tal]

@Nahm @Aaron p I guess you are both correct. I need to do allot of hard work. Believe me, I am trying, but it is hard for me. Every time something happens, or I hear some story or remember something from the past, my instinct is to think badly about it. I am aware from the intellect level that my thoughts are bad, and I am able to observe my ego and understand that I am making a mistake, but this is in the aftermath... Not in real time.

Any suggestions of how to get better at this?

[Nahm]

15 minutes ago, Avi Tal said:

I need to do allot of hard work.

How does this one thought here feel?   

Is it “hard work”, choosing a better feeling thought? 

It literally feels better. 

I’d suggest the hard work is carrying the discord with sensations. 

 

I am trying, but it is hard for me.

There’s no trying. You can pick a better feeling thought. There’s not actually any effort involved in this. And again - the point is, it feels better.

 

Every time something happens, or I hear some story or remember something from the past,

All of that happens in the now. You are here, present, now. 

You are not actually in the past or future. 

 

my instinct is to think badly about it.

Momentum from ignoring your sensations. Have tissues handy, expect releases, have some good cry’s. 

But don’t attribute the momentum to instinct. That’s false, and points towards victimizing yourself. Your “instinct” is wonderful feeling.

THAT IS WHY IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD WHEN YOU CHOOSE THOUGHT WHICH DO NOT FEEL GOOD. IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE AWESOME. 

Just start now. Notice how you feel. A thought arises, listen to the sensations. Be willing to let thoughts go, and to choose a better feeling thought. 

 

I am aware from the intellect level that my thoughts are bad,

No judging. Thoughts are hollow, empty. A thought simply arises. A thought is not inherently “good” or “bad”.  You give them meaning only by giving them meaning. Letting this old habit (actually momentum felt now) go means some emotional releases, tears, purification, relief! This is good. 

and I am able to observe my ego

Don’t blame. Just start choosing a better feeling thought. Don’t shift any responsibility to an “ego” or a “self” etc. 

 

and understand that I am making a mistake

No. Let the past go. Choose a better feeling thought. 

 

but this is in the aftermath... Not in real time.

It’s now bro. Always. It’s always NOW.    You always have sensations, NOW. You can always choose a thought which is more aligned with those sensations NOW. 

Any suggestions of how to get better at this?

Don’t look for strategies, etc. Just start choosing better feeling thoughts. 

Meditation every single morning makes this a lot easier. 

Don’t skip days, don’t make excuses.  Cry it out as needed. Write about sensations as needed. Take advantage of all resources available to you. 

 

[Avi Tal]

@Nahm Thanks allot for your wonderful answers! I will try and do my best...