Why is it like this when im on LSD?

[Jakey]

A couple of times now when I took psychedelics I get this insight which makes me feel depressed.

It's like there's a trick to it, you can be/do everything (nothing) but to do that you have to let go of everything you currently have (all your illusions). Illusions like: that you exist, that you're something, that you have family and friends, that you have control, that there's people/things other than you, and such...
And it feels like killing yourself and others but somehow you know that you don't exist so there's nothing to kill, yet you cant let yourself believe/do that because if that's the case well... it just feels wrong, very wrong and I FEEL it.

Kinda like a concept: just shoot yourself in the head and you'll wake up, but you don't know whether or not you're actually dreaming because it feels so real. It feels real yet you have intuition and start seeing that it's not.. and then you just feel bad about yourself not letting yourself do it but knowing that you probably should (not literally killing your organism, more like comprehending and seeing the truth which is killing you)

Like the feelings and thoughts are not synchronised and you have to pick sides what to believe in or what action to take. And you know which side you need to pick but you too big of a pussy to do it because it would kill u. And when I don't choose to do it I just see how ignorant and stupid I am (like im a crazy person who saw that he's crazy but chooses to stay crazy to feel normal, isnt this crazy hahaha)

Probably sounds like a mind fuck.. Maybe anyone could suggest me something helpful, or tell a story... I would greatly appreciate that <3

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, Jakey said:

It's like there's a trick to it, you can be/do everything (nothing) but to do that you have to let go of everything you currently have (all your illusions). Illusions like: that you exist, that you're something, that you have family and friends, that you have control, that there's people/things other than you, and such...
And it feels like killing yourself and others but somehow you know that you don't exist so there's nothing to kill, yet you cant let yourself believe/do that because if that's the case well... it just feels wrong, very wrong and I FEEL it.

It is a transitory phase, an apex, after which there is a new stable plateau where something new emerges.
This transfiguration is not attributable to you, since you are aware that there is no you. It is the momentum of the path that was started by something that is already gone. Let yourself go and flow along with it.

Beware: do not discard and demonize your heart. Your heart is sincere in caring for the mind that is dying.

1 hour ago, Jakey said:

Kinda like a concept: just shoot yourself in the head and you'll wake up, but you don't know whether or not you're actually dreaming because it feels so real. It feels real yet you have intuition and start seeing that it's not.. and then you just feel bad about yourself not letting yourself do it but knowing that you probably should (not literally killing your organism, more like comprehending and seeing the truth which is killing you)

The bullet is already on its way and your life is flashing before your eyes.

1 hour ago, Jakey said:

Like the feelings and thoughts are not synchronised and you have to pick sides what to believe in or what action to take. And you know which side you need to pick but you too big of a pussy to do it because it would kill u. And when I don't choose to do it I just see how ignorant and stupid I am (like im a crazy person who saw that he's crazy but chooses to stay crazy to feel normal, isnt this crazy hahaha)

This will pass. Let it all go. Keep talking about what you're afraid of, I'm here for you.

Edited August 28, 2019 by tsuki

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, Jakey said:

Like the feelings and thoughts are not synchronised and you have to pick sides what to believe in or what action to take.

To synchronize; there’s no such thing as a true thought, and there’s no such thing as a false sensation. 

And you know which side you need to pick but you too big of a pussy to do it because it would kill u.

Did this ‘death’ notion come from direct experience, or are you believing your own idea?

(Synchronize it.)

 

[crab12]

You will not cease to exist, you will not die in the sense that you shoot yourself in the head and everything goes black. The guy that is you will continue to exist just like it is now. Only you will realize that you are more than just the guy who is being "you". You are everything, including the guy that used to be you.

Yes, you will lose your old motivations that were strictly meant for the guy that was being "you". In that sense you will lose your life. But you will become more than just that guy. You will also discover that enlightenment by itself will not solve any of your old problems (insecurities, money, relationships etc) nor give you special insights in other areas of life and you will probably even be motivates to work on your old issues / your old self.

Or at least this has been my experience so far.

[Nahm]

@crab12 Well said man.