My Worst Fears

[Zane]

 

My Worst Fears 

1. I’m afraid that I’ll never express my deepest potential and to realize how amazing my life could be. The scenario of my fear plays out like this! As a child, I was a highly creative and imaginative child who conveyed his imagination through acting, roleplaying, creative writing, and storytelling. I would tell everyone from my therapists, my friends, and even my camp counselors and my siblings my imagination and I loved immersing them entirely in my own imagination. I strongly identified with Buster from “Arthur,” Calvin from “Calvin and Hobbes” Alice from “Alice in Wonderland” and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.” Yet as I grew older, I stopped expressing my imagination and I abandoned it in the graveyard of broken dreams, dead memories, and untapped potential where unexpressed potential dies and rots away. As an adult, I completely abandoned my imagination and childhood to become “normal” and I would mindlessly go through the day feeling deeply unhappy but not knowing why. I would be unconsciously trapped in a midlife crisis where I forgot how it felt to be happy and all those dreams and aspirations from childhood were never realized and died. As I grew older, I became more regretful and I started to realize how miserable and unfulfilled I was all along because I didn’t express my potential and I never truly lived. I wallowed in the mire of regret and missed opportunity and sunk slowly in that swamp. I wasted my life! 

2. I fear being trapped in a dysfunctional situation permanently like a bad financial situation where I’m constantly trapped in the cycle of poverty and debt where my opportunities are completely limited. The worst dysfunctional situation for me would be the situation Jesse Ridgway is in where he is trapped in a dysfunctional family with a tyrannical father who forces his power on Jesse, who mentally abuses him, and who destroys his possessions and who victim blames his son and denies his anger, tyranny and being a psychopath. I feel like in that situation, I would stoop to such a low level that the cycle will continue and only worsen. I feel like the situation would end in me committing suicide or feeling deeply bitter and hating humanity and completely losing my optimism and exuberance. I feel like Jesse will have a damaged self-esteem that is beyond fixing, a deeply pessimistic outlook on life, a bitterness and hatred towards his father, rejecting advice and help, and a deep anger that will destroy him from the inside out. I can identify with Jesse’s passion for gaming and I want to be his best friend to help him lift his spirits, regain trust, and realize his own potential. I feel like my worst fears are becoming deeply bitter, angry and neurotic and being trapped in a dysfunctional situation like a damaged family, poverty, depression, self-loathing and inner pain. 

3. I’m afraid of losing my freedom and individuality and being made a slave by my parents, society, or a master or by an oppressive government. A fictional scenario would be that I was kidnapped and made a slave and my masters killed my individuality by ripping away my culture from me and by ordering me to obey with the threat of punishment. My humanity would be denied and I would so silenced and censored that my freedom would be seen as damaging. My masters would tighten their control and their power over me and would reject the concept of freedom as a dream or fantasy! Even worse, my masters would delude me with the idea of freedom to keep me in slavery! I would be so controlled by rules, masters, and toxic beliefs that I’m permanently stuck. 

4. I’m afraid of being trapped in a bad family situation or relationship situation. The scenario would look like this. For a bad family situation, I would have a cruel and sociopathic child who never expressed any love or gratitude for me, would scream at me all the time and order me around, would threaten and attack me, and who would say “I hate you and I want you to die.” The child would create so much emotional pain for my life that everything goes to Hell.  I would end the day feeling drained and just wanting to burst into tears and to explode in rage and vent. For a bad relationship situation, I would meet a woman who had charmed me with her charisma but I discovered how toxic of an influence she was on me and how she tightened so much control on me. The woman would dominate and abuse me and shatter my individuality and force me to “love” her without truly understanding genuine love. I would become my wife’s slave and she would completely shatter my will and will resist my freedom. Someone like Amie Carter was in both situations of having a cruel and psychopathic child who abused and manipulated her and she was in a toxic relationship with her ex-husband who cut her and his child out of her life, spread lies about her, and blamed her for being a “bad mother.” 

 

My Four Worst Fears Simplified 

1. Never expressing my creativity and rotting away my potential until it’s too late. 

2. Being trapped permanently in a dysfunctional situation like a broken family or poverty 

3. Losing my individuality and freedom 

4. Having a bad family or relationship situation where I feel powerless. 

 

What all these fears are themed around is never expressing my own creativity or discovering my potential, feeling completely helpless when faced with a toxic situation, having no freedom to express myself authentically and not to fight back, and to be a prisoner who is completely robbed of my freedom. I’m also terrified of becoming a bitter and toxic pessimist who is angry, bitter, nihilistic and who feels like there’s no point in living. These fears also have the themes of self-expression, identity, and dysfunctional situations. 

[Falk]

1 hour ago, Zane said:

My Four Worst Fears Simplified 

1. Never expressing my creativity and rotting away my potential until it’s too late. 

2. Being trapped permanently in a dysfunctional situation like a broken family or poverty 

3. Losing my individuality and freedom 

4. Having a bad family or relationship situation where I feel powerless. 

 

1. Take 30min everyday to explore and express your creativity, draw something, play music, dance, sing, write something, or just be silent, whatever you feel

2. before sleep take 5-10minutes about positive focus/ visualization how you want your life be "functional" and aweseom , can also write it down

3. Write a list of 10 things that are individual for you or that mean freedom for you and then do them in the next 10 weeks , 1 thing each week

4. What does a good family mean for you? write it down exactly! what does it take to get there? write it down 

Your life will be aweseome, it is all in your hands! Be patient , do the work , have the trust! if you can do those 3 things your life will change in 1 year COMPLETLY!!! ..also meditate  

Edited May 7, 2016 by Falk

[Zane]

@Falk Thank you so much for the great suggestions! I'm writing down my fears to understand my own personal psychology, how I think, my own strengths and weaknesses, and to truly know myself. Your exercise suggestions will be extremely helpful for me to apply! To clarify, I'm not living a dysfunctional lifestyle! I'm clarifying on my own fears! 

[charlie2dogs]

4 hours ago, Zane said:

 

My Worst Fears 

1. I’m afraid that I’ll never express my deepest potential and to realize how amazing my life could be. The scenario of my fear plays out like this! As a child, I was a highly creative and imaginative child who conveyed his imagination through acting, roleplaying, creative writing, and storytelling. I would tell everyone from my therapists, my friends, and even my camp counselors and my siblings my imagination and I loved immersing them entirely in my own imagination. I strongly identified with Buster from “Arthur,” Calvin from “Calvin and Hobbes” Alice from “Alice in Wonderland” and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.” Yet as I grew older, I stopped expressing my imagination and I abandoned it in the graveyard of broken dreams, dead memories, and untapped potential where unexpressed potential dies and rots away. As an adult, I completely abandoned my imagination and childhood to become “normal” and I would mindlessly go through the day feeling deeply unhappy but not knowing why. I would be unconsciously trapped in a midlife crisis where I forgot how it felt to be happy and all those dreams and aspirations from childhood were never realized and died. As I grew older, I became more regretful and I started to realize how miserable and unfulfilled I was all along because I didn’t express my potential and I never truly lived. I wallowed in the mire of regret and missed opportunity and sunk slowly in that swamp. I wasted my life! 

2. I fear being trapped in a dysfunctional situation permanently like a bad financial situation where I’m constantly trapped in the cycle of poverty and debt where my opportunities are completely limited. The worst dysfunctional situation for me would be the situation Jesse Ridgway is in where he is trapped in a dysfunctional family with a tyrannical father who forces his power on Jesse, who mentally abuses him, and who destroys his possessions and who victim blames his son and denies his anger, tyranny and being a psychopath. I feel like in that situation, I would stoop to such a low level that the cycle will continue and only worsen. I feel like the situation would end in me committing suicide or feeling deeply bitter and hating humanity and completely losing my optimism and exuberance. I feel like Jesse will have a damaged self-esteem that is beyond fixing, a deeply pessimistic outlook on life, a bitterness and hatred towards his father, rejecting advice and help, and a deep anger that will destroy him from the inside out. I can identify with Jesse’s passion for gaming and I want to be his best friend to help him lift his spirits, regain trust, and realize his own potential. I feel like my worst fears are becoming deeply bitter, angry and neurotic and being trapped in a dysfunctional situation like a damaged family, poverty, depression, self-loathing and inner pain. 

3. I’m afraid of losing my freedom and individuality and being made a slave by my parents, society, or a master or by an oppressive government. A fictional scenario would be that I was kidnapped and made a slave and my masters killed my individuality by ripping away my culture from me and by ordering me to obey with the threat of punishment. My humanity would be denied and I would so silenced and censored that my freedom would be seen as damaging. My masters would tighten their control and their power over me and would reject the concept of freedom as a dream or fantasy! Even worse, my masters would delude me with the idea of freedom to keep me in slavery! I would be so controlled by rules, masters, and toxic beliefs that I’m permanently stuck. 

4. I’m afraid of being trapped in a bad family situation or relationship situation. The scenario would look like this. For a bad family situation, I would have a cruel and sociopathic child who never expressed any love or gratitude for me, would scream at me all the time and order me around, would threaten and attack me, and who would say “I hate you and I want you to die.” The child would create so much emotional pain for my life that everything goes to Hell.  I would end the day feeling drained and just wanting to burst into tears and to explode in rage and vent. For a bad relationship situation, I would meet a woman who had charmed me with her charisma but I discovered how toxic of an influence she was on me and how she tightened so much control on me. The woman would dominate and abuse me and shatter my individuality and force me to “love” her without truly understanding genuine love. I would become my wife’s slave and she would completely shatter my will and will resist my freedom. Someone like Amie Carter was in both situations of having a cruel and psychopathic child who abused and manipulated her and she was in a toxic relationship with her ex-husband who cut her and his child out of her life, spread lies about her, and blamed her for being a “bad mother.” 

 

My Four Worst Fears Simplified 

1. Never expressing my creativity and rotting away my potential until it’s too late. 

2. Being trapped permanently in a dysfunctional situation like a broken family or poverty 

3. Losing my individuality and freedom 

4. Having a bad family or relationship situation where I feel powerless. 

 

What all these fears are themed around is never expressing my own creativity or discovering my potential, feeling completely helpless when faced with a toxic situation, having no freedom to express myself authentically and not to fight back, and to be a prisoner who is completely robbed of my freedom. I’m also terrified of becoming a bitter and toxic pessimist who is angry, bitter, nihilistic and who feels like there’s no point in living. These fears also have the themes of self-expression, identity, and dysfunctional situations. 

What you fear you will draw to yourself, you are trapped in fear and the past and that is because you are functioning as the identity that you think you are.   Right now if you could experience being one with your core being, the real part of you and be present in the moment of now fully , there would be no fear. and no pain.  you would be liberated from those things.  The more you grip them the more they will grip you.  Based on what you have written your only hope is to awaken from this dream called life and the identity that you think you are and be one with the life force within yourself and force yourself to live in the moment as much as you can until it becomes a natural thing.  This is a must for self realization, and that is what you really need more than anything else in this life, then you can live without fear, and you will begin to draw something much better to yourself rather than the pain and misery of fear.