Life Purpose - 9 – 5 job - Guilt and Shame

[Jetam]

Hi,

I decided to wrote my first topic because I found my self trapped somewhere between Life purpose path and wage-slave job.

Well, let's go down the line.

About a year ago I found my life purpose which synchronizes to me, but the idea is very abstract so, I still working on concretization.

To pay my bills I working on engineering company as a financial planner of an environmental infrastructure project (sounds very green, but in core business process is red-blue-orange). It is typical 9 – 5 job.

In career beginning, I loved this job and putting my best energy to provide high quality and efficiency project plan to clients. During years I found out what I actually did. I found out some process automatization (through MS Excel BVA programming). I do a presentation of my improvement to co-workers and management. I also have some preposition how to integrate this model to whole business process. They supported my proposal but didn't really understand it, so nothing happened.

So, my improvement in the process saves more than 50% of my work time. Because it is a 9-5 job, I need sit on my chair 40 hours per week, because of wage slavery. During this time, I have in average 20 hours free time per week.

In my first year, I attended some financial analysis and financial management online courses which were very advanced and usefully, but I soon found out that this knowledge is meaningless to create life as I wish.

Then I go furred, and start working on myself, take some personal growth courses, start reading self-realizing books, and also found out Actualized.org.

During those years I do hundreds of pages of notes of my journey, life Purpose Course, where I crystallizing my life purpose.

As my life purpose slowly crystalizing also my guilt and shame crystalizing. Guilt and shame because I can’t express my self during my 9-5 job. All my ideas about business improvement have been suppressed. I often ask my self why to insist on this company. The answer is always same “because of my 20 hours per week”, but is it worth all this guilt, shame and pain? I feel the answer is NO.

On the one hand, I have my wage slavery which costs me a lot of oppression, but same time give me additional time to work on myself but in the other hand I have my Life Purpose project, which can not be realized without additional time which I have on the job. Any kind of market implication of my life purpose project is far away.

Why I don’t change a job?

Wage slave job is a wage slave job no meter or it is box A or box B.

At this point, I feel like lost in the maze, where I eat a lot of shame, guilt, and fear which is actually my food to walk on a maze where I working on my life purpose.

I am very grateful for any comment, opinion or advice.

 

In the end, I wish to share one story with you, which mean a lot to me.

The Cracked Pot story you can found at the following link:

https://www.moralstories.org/the-cracked-pot/

[Cocolove]

I think you should plan to get out of that job.

The fact that you have a lot of free time is great! Use that time to start a life purpose, and get yourself ready. Also use the job to save money.

Take a moment to realize how lucky you are and grateful you are for finding resources and ideas that will help you get out of wage slavery. 

What are your obstacles for using your extra time to start a life purpose?

[Jetam]

Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.

What are my obstacles?

I notice that is part of me who love wage slavery, who is comfortable to not step forward, who don’t want to have a life purpose

Of course, it is EGO me. Real me is so passioned about life purpose work and deeply grateful for my resources. Those EGO vs real me fights drain out energy of me, make me panic and ineffective.

Edited August 30, 2019 by Jetam

[Donald]

@Jetam

Keep the eye on the ball, brother.

Let VISION be your fuel.

[Nahm]

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

They supported my proposal but didn't really understand it, so nothing happened.

Maybe they didn’t feel it. I think if you regroup, zoom out, all of this is going to start synchronistically coming together right before your very eyes. Imo, it already is, but just isn’t seen yet, because you’re too zoomed in. 

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

because of wage slavery

Hourly / annual income is often a great means of actualizing your dream. You are not a slave. Dreams need dream seed money sometimes. 

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

this knowledge is meaningless to create life as I wish.

 

Hold up on throwing in towels like that. Everything you’re learning is culminating into realizing your dream. It always has been. Zooming out is needed. 

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

As my life purpose slowly crystalizing also my guilt and shame crystalizing. Guilt and shame because I can’t express my self during my 9-5 job. All my ideas about business improvement have been suppressed. I often ask my self why to insist on this company. The answer is always same “because of my 20 hours per week”, but is it worth all this guilt, shame and pain? I feel the answer is NO.

 

Imo, you are utilizing the term “purpose” as a means to create guilt & shame. As in, ‘what I’m supposed to be doing, but can’t because I’m a wage save’. The term ‘life dream’ might help you ‘take the power back’ so to speak, or, recapture the ownership of your destiny. “Purpose” will naturally come around again later, in a natural reinterpretation, from a different vantage point. 

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

On the one hand, I have my wage slavery which costs me a lot of oppression, but same time give me additional time to work on myself but in the other hand I have my Life Purpose project, which can not be realized without additional time which I have on the job. Any kind of market implication of my life purpose project is far away.

 

“Wage slavery” is a concept which you give meaning to. By attending to the concept, at the expense of your sensation, you are creating the concept of oppression, and the emotion of oppressed. Throw out the terminology which is not working for you, and adopt new ones. Breath life into the new ones, make them yours. YouTube “As A Man Thinketh” (James Allen), and read Think & Grow Rich N. Hill, and Ask & It Is Given E. Hicks. You are the creator of you, and your world. How you see, is more important than what you see. 

Get a very large dry erase board, or better yet, paint an entire wall with chalk paint. 

At the far right side, write what your life dream is. Not just income oriented, but what you most what your life to be, what you want to have, what you want to experience. The biggest dream you can must. “Empty both barrels” into it, all of you. 

Then start working backwards, from right to left, and write what comes to mind in terms of everything that would be needed to get there - be sure to write from right to left, rather than jumping around. 

Whatever doesn’t come to you - let it go. Drop the whole dream boarding, and do things you like, that are fun, and feel good to you. Pump some music, shoot some hoops, whatever your thing is, just let it all go and get lost in some good old fashioned kiddish fun.

Then, when your feeling is lifted, elevated, return to the dream board and write anything, any steps, which arises from that good feeling. 

 

On 8/27/2019 at 1:33 AM, Jetam said:

Why I don’t change a job?

Because of how you’re framing up the one you have. It will be reframed as the very means to arriving at - manifesting - your life dream. Might be hard to believe right now, but it already is working out perfectly. Some zooming out is much needed. If possible, take a vacation. Spend some time in nature, turn the electronics off, reconnect. 

Wage slave job is a wage slave job no meter or it is box A or box B.

That’s a deep belief to let go, but again, get away for a bit - and let it go. You can not solve a problem with the same consciousness / mindset which is creating it. Must get away and let it go, so that upon returning, everything is more readily seen with clarity. This will be a big lesson for you in the power of ‘letting go’. It’s highly counter logical, and ideal, as you’re a bit “stuck” on “life must be logical”. 

At this point, I feel like lost in the maze, where I eat a lot of shame, guilt, and fear which is actually my food to walk on a maze where I working on my life purpose.

That just terrible visioning brother. Let all that go. ?  You’re interpreting and creating shame, guilt, and fear. Have a look at it more closely, inspect it. Research it.   Most importantly  -  get away for a bit, get a break from all the hump busting you’ve been doing. Relax, release, then you’ll naturally regroup with a clarity and zest. Godspeed man. If you can dream it, you can do it. The middle is tough. Take that counterlogical break!

Be sure to get this, even if logically - 

If you wake up next Tuesday with a flu and fever, you are not going into work for a day or two. Everything you think you have to get done, will not get done, and life will go on. Notice, how you feel is primary, it comes first. Try to notice, or consider - this is always what’s going on. How you feel is always first already. 

Don’t force life to scream this at you. Listen while it’s whispering. 

Dream board bruh.

[Jetam]

@Nahm Thank you for your advice.

 Actually, I found out that I too zoom in on some logical details in my life. I always seek logic, create logic, even my life purpose is deeply connected to logic. I really feel to need to zoom out my picture of perspective.

[universe]

You want to share your life purpose with us?

[Jetam]

I wish to share my life purpose.

 

Life purpose:

Shorter the bridge between Reality and Imagination

Zone of genius:

Found logic through nothing

Domain of mastery:

Logic

Ideal medium:

Language

 

Top Value:

Through my work I also found out that my the clearest value in Clarity – Peace – Focus, as one, there is no possibility to separate to three values…. Other values are pillars of the main one.

 

Impact Eria: 

Make business greener: raise consciousness of leaders of importance of sustainable business

 

But some words here need interpretation which I reach through contemplation and synchronize to me (The interpretation of the words is necessary to understand my Life purpose written above):

Imagination:

-          Power of the mind.

-          Our ability to create the world as we know

-          All system, concept, believes…. which we know are products of human imagination

-          Do we need imagination to be creative? Probably yes, so earthly life need imagination.

-          Actually, imagination is all that is not Reality

-          Actual imagination is all that is not Reality

Reality:

- Is emptiness, nothingness,

- Power without tension,

- There is only love, peace, joy, happiness, intelligence, (higher self)  

- State of formless

 

Logic:

- Is a bridge between language

 

Language:

-          Expression (speaking, writing, singing, playing, drawing,…..)

-          The purest expression language is our self. Communicate to the world through our self, any earthly expression language used.

 

I’m open to debate about content of my life purpose

Edited September 5, 2019 by Jetam