I am not good enough for this world

[Inliytened1]

On 8/28/2019 at 3:09 PM, Odysseus said:

Great comments here!

I just want to tell you that with 22 I was without orientation too, I was desperate. I was nihilistic and I just did what society told me, or what I perceived as what everybody expected from me. 

But after times things changed, old ideas became meaningless and new ideas meaningful. Every second has the potential to heal. Your worthy and you'll find something meaningful inside you that was always there. 

I'll include you into my prayer habit. Much love.

Your post reminded me of a saying from the movie Vanilla Sky - 

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around"

 

[saffron]

@tsuki

On 8/29/2019 at 4:23 AM, tsuki said:

Survival as an individual human being is not just predicated on your ability to gather food.
We do not form groups just because it's easier to hunt, but because we're miserable if we don't.
Some of our needs create loopholes that can be exploited to break out of this zero-sum game.
For example, you actually have a need to feel that you are needed by other people.

Take me for example. I have all of my basic needs met.
I have steady job, a roof over my head, food on my plate and a loving relationship with my wife.
I'm safe. I could go on like this until I die of old age, but I know for a fact that without fulfilling the need to feel needed I will get depressed. So, I come here and genuinely try to help people so that I can feel good.
You get that? Genuinely helping others can make you feel good and help others. 
That is only a zero-sum game if you assume that emotional well-being does not contribute to your happiness.

Okay... but humans are constantly putting each other down and seeking out those that they deem that maximizes their survival; the richest, the strongest and whatever. "Those that are the best" like those who went to the best university, have the best income, can feel protected around, has attractive "features" and whatever, but those are generally the "requirements." That is why there is an "alpha" that humans strive to be.

The 2nd part, what?

The 3rd part, okay, and how that stopped anyone from putting another person down? There is still plenty to "worry" about even when basic needs are taken care of. It isn't enough for someone just to have the basic needs met. I mean, *generally* it is the "desirable" thing to want is someone who has a lot of money, is strong, has some "unique" talent,

In this world run by natural selection, where "undesirable traits" are pushed out of the gene pool, you are left to die. 

 

[tsuki]

5 hours ago, saffron said:

Okay... but humans are constantly putting each other down and seeking out those that they deem that maximizes their survival; the richest, the strongest and whatever. "Those that are the best" like those who went to the best university, have the best income, can feel protected around, has attractive "features" and whatever, but those are generally the "requirements." That is why there is an "alpha" that humans strive to be.

That part is answered here:

On 29.08.2019 at 10:23 AM, tsuki said:

Like I said - people do not know their own needs and how to fulfill them.
They deal with their suffering by 'giving it away', trying to push it unto others.
That does not work, it sours your emotional environment and is a bad strategy in the long run because it creates resonances. 

____________________________________

5 hours ago, saffron said:

In this world run by natural selection, where "undesirable traits" are pushed out of the gene pool, you are left to die. 

If you ever get bored defending your misery - I'll be waiting.

[ajasatya]

@saffron Dude, I don't care about being alpha. I'm a happy skinny guy.

I don't chase to be better than others. I have nothing to prove. Nobody is going to kill me. Nobody is leaving me behind. You're thinking like a cave man.

[bejapuskas]

On 29. 8. 2019 at 6:24 PM, saffron said:

Didn't Leo say in his videos that survival is a zero sum game, what is good for you isn't good for someone else :-/ ?

What Leo says is not always 100% true you know, you gotta think for yourself sometimes.

For example, @ajasatya  analyzes data, he loves his job. This data can then be used to make everyone else's life easier and  @ajasatya  even gets paid.

It might not be „good“ for literally everyone, because the data can undermine lies, manipulations and stuff like that, but really, what's good and bad can change with time.

For example, when something causes you to suffer and you realize it after some time, you become motivated to work on yourself. But you cannot really say whether that event was good or bad, it depends.

[saffron]

@tsuki and you never answered how a person could know if they  were any good if they didn't compare themselves to other people. Do you compete against your self in the olympics? Do you compete against your self in the market place?

[bejapuskas]

@saffron  Reality is better than that, you can have a good feeling about yourself without comparing yourself to others.

[saffron]

@bejapuskas BUT. HOW.

 

There is a winner because there is a loser. The distinction of what is desirable and undesirable is what brings you closer to a end goal. People generally want someone who has money and is strong because it means protection; and more protection means increased chances of survival and the more care free you can be to enjoy life. And what if you're not any of that? Humans are cold and apathetic towards anything that doesn't concern them. (How many people are really going to take action against the amazon wild fires? Let alone problems that have existed since our genesis such as homelessness and hunger.)  This something all throughout the animal kingdom, where everyone competes for survival, and the "undesirable" are pushed away and left to die. And in this world of "survival of the fittest" and "natural selection" the only options are be the "best" or die. And for years I'm just left wondering what is the point of living in this existence if those are the only options. What is the point if you're not the most attractive, richest and strongest if you're going to get trampled on anyway?

[bejapuskas]

@saffron  The point is, you are deluding yourself, the survival of the fittest has already ended hundreds of years ago.

[MuddyBoots]

15 hours ago, saffron said:

@bejapuskas BUT. HOW.

 

There is a winner because there is a loser. The distinction of what is desirable and undesirable is what brings you closer to a end goal. People generally want someone who has money and is strong because it means protection; and more protection means increased chances of survival and the more care free you can be to enjoy life. And what if you're not any of that? Humans are cold and apathetic towards anything that doesn't concern them. (How many people are really going to take action against the amazon wild fires? Let alone problems that have existed since our genesis such as homelessness and hunger.)  This something all throughout the animal kingdom, where everyone competes for survival, and the "undesirable" are pushed away and left to die. And in this world of "survival of the fittest" and "natural selection" the only options are be the "best" or die. And for years I'm just left wondering what is the point of living in this existence if those are the only options. What is the point if you're not the most attractive, richest and strongest if you're going to get trampled on anyway?

Well, ok, yes, regular society is a bit like that (really a mixture of competition and cooperation), so no surprise that humans are in such a mess with conflict, wars, damaging the environment, a lot of personal misery for individuals. Religion/spirituality has been trying to help us for thousands of years, but only a few really break through to a different level of consciousness. Also only handful make to the top table of worldly success. Is the vice president a failure because s/he didn't make it to be president? But paradoxically the poor classes have the most children don't they, so if that's your measure of evolutionary success, they are evolving and passing on their genes more than the rich people!

The spiritual option being explored here is basically how to find infinite happiness. joy, peace in the present moment, just as it is, without needing to change our external circumstances. Not that relative happiness isn't also important by getting a better job, improving our health etc. But those are all impermanent and uncertain as they are a goal to achieve in the future.

Go back to basics, think about a new born baby. Isn't the best thing for them unconditional love from their parents regardless of how perfect or imperfect they are? That unconditional love for the whole of existence is what spirituality is for.

Nick.

 

[non_nothing]

 

[tsuki]

 

[saffron]

I'll feel good enough for this world when I can draw like a printer and sing like an angel. Where do people go to find such knowledge. Its like its locked behind sealed vaults. I'll feel good enough when I am a handsome chad like superman. But I'm not. Unconditional love is a lie.

[silene]

On 27/08/2019 at 0:30 AM, saffron said:

My parents never tell me they love me and tell me to go to hell and that I have the face of Satan.

"I'll feel good enough for this world when ..."

This is just a theory, @saffron . But are you projecting your lack of parental love out to "the world" and this is really all about your inner child feeling rejected and unloved? Love is so important to kids from an early age and I sense you have a lot of hurting at your core heart, which you need to work on in a safe environment before you can learn to love yourself. The world hasn't rejected you.  You need to feel good enough for yourself first, then you will feel confident enough to start exploring the opportunities which the world has to offer. 

"Unconditional love is a lie."

No, unconditional is the only real love. Other types are desires, not the same thing. 

Edited November 1, 2019 by silene

[saffron]

every day feels too late. nothing ever feels good enough.

 

I can't even get help or someone to listen. Maybe my sob story isnt worth hearing over anyone else

Edited November 10, 2019 by saffron

[ajasatya]

@saffron Oh wow, you're stuck in your mental cage. This would be an appropriate circumstance for a Keisaku.

[saffron]

no amount of pain from that stick can match the pain of being unwanted

[ajasatya]

8 hours ago, saffron said:

no amount of pain from that stick can match the pain of being unwanted

It's not about the pain. Being hit by a Keisaku doesn't even hurt very much. It's about getting you out of your mind... for a few seconds.

[Surfingthewave]

@saffron Thank you for finally being honest with yourself here and thank you to others for helping. Perhaps consider seeking additional professional help with your emotional suffering and/or streamlining your practices. The universe/consciousness /god/reality wants you, but are you ready to be wanted? We often reject what we really seek/need. Good luck and sending love. 

Edited November 11, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[silene]

@saffron  I'm not a therapist, you probably need professional help, but IMO you have built up walls, a strong defence mechanism to protect your heart from the pain of being unloved as a child. Keeping the world out is a short-term fix to avoid the pain, but in the long run it doesn't work. It's never too late, but does take time to build trust with a counsellor to slowly lower the walls and express your true feelings. You've done really well sharing with us on the forum, but face to face is best, to let the tears out. Don't give up on yourself, sending love too.