I'm a sophomore in college and I hate going out! Should I feel guilty about this?

[leintdav000]

Growing up I was an extreme case of dependence... I need other people or I would lose my mind. I vividly remember having episodes when I was 14 where I would frantically pace back and forth because I didn't know what to do without them. I was extremely social and quick to welcome someone into my life--to the point where it backfired & repelled people. Long-story-short, I'm turning 20 now and things I have changed. I've invested an immense amount of time into my spiritual/ inner game infrastructure during these past years, to the point where the pendulum has swung the other way. I've found so much inner peace that I don't like engaging with new people at all anymore--kids my age that is. I'm a top salesman over the summer: avoiding people isn't out of anxiety or fear, it's out of a place of I'm so good & secure in myself that I just don't need, nor really want that anymore... frivolous small talk, inviting people into my life, I'm just not into it. However! I feel guilty about this. My friends have been dragging me to parties and I just don't resonate with it anymore and have no interest in meeting anyone there--drunk, unconscious people. The ironic thing is my confidence and indifference has actually created an effect where girls and boys are constantly trying to meet me... unfortunately, I seriously just don't care! I'm almost kind of an ass... It's really, really, hard for me to even converse, all while they're trying so hard to engage me. College is "suppose" to be the time we go out, be wild, and have fun, but I sort of already did that in high school... I already did all of this, I'm ready to start builiding my real life. Is this a sign of growth, or should I shut up and just go be social?

[Average Investor]

Skip that stuff. Big waste of time. You will find yourself drifting away from the party friends probably as well. 

[Jamie Universe]

I've done this 

For me I've always been kind of introverted making lies to not go to parties, or hang out with friends. Eventually in high school when I decided to change friend groups I transitioned into a state of loose friends, and I still lie not to hang out with people (not all the time), but I now I have some closer friends I like. My advice is don't feel guilty about how you feel, your friends are just acting on that social impulse they have, and your acting on that in-social impulse, also apart of the problem may be that your starting to disagree with your friends values (don't take my word for it though find for yourself) which is what I think happened with me, and you might want to consider if you really want them (P.S. there are other people like you, or at least people who aren't drunk).

 

[loub]

Very similar situation here. Grew out of partying, drinking, going out and having lots of friends when I was around sixteen. Spent my latter years of high school reading, thinking, meditating etc... and completely cut back on my social life. All that is still out of question for me and outgrown for good.

I rarely look back though lately I have felt a similar dissatisfaction with my hermit ways and located an urge for deep, authentic, meaningful relationships and friendships that I'll now try and actualize in my life.
Doing this work all by yourself is unnecessarily hard, I think.

My advice would be not to guilt yourself into going out with people you don't resonate with and against better knowledge and intuition. Try to see where that dissatisfaction comes from and how you can act on it in a way that is more aligned with what you truly value right now. 
Also check and see how that guilt comes from trying to please and soothe other's you don't want to worry about you. If I had no knowledge of what this work is about I would be worried about my self-actualizing son.

Edited August 25, 2019 by loub