3rd Marijuana Trip - Trap of Delusion

[Swagala]

For the 3rd trip, my intention was to try and go as deep as I could. I went pretty far. I kind of wanna talk about the movie 'Interstellar (2014)' first and how amazingly it portrayed going into one of these trips are. I loved the science aspect of the movie as a young teenager but looking back at it, I now understand the "paranormal" or spiritual part of it. Much appreciation for my favorite movie.

Some observations from when the trip was setting in: as always, it felt like everything through my eyes were gigantic, even my body. I was an ant-sized human looking through a normal human's perspective. I could feel my voice shaking although from my recording, it wasn't shaky.

As I'm looking back on the trip, I'm remembering how easily it was for myself to be deluded. Everything that I was imagining was becoming true, or at least true for me. I understood I was God and everything I say was true but at the same time, you can still delude yourself and make yourself believe anything. I had to be able to step into the Lower self every now and again to keep myself grounded. There are some things that I began to believe to understand which I will still write here but will make caution that I may have been deluded when saying them.

During the trip, everything I was trying to explain and understand, all I saw was how much of an infinite loop it all was. Which I've said in my 2nd trip. The infinite loop can correspond with non-duality. There's 2 things but the only way one of the two things can exist or "make sense" is by knowing the other. And then the other needs to know the other to know the other... etc... They need to know each other infinitely, in a loop. One cannot be without the other, they're are 2 things but at the same time, 1 thing.

Time here becomes way slower. It can keep going slower and slower. At some point, it almost felt like every frame of reality was passing through me. I could feel my mouth move frame by frame and feeling that eternal thirst. And as I kept focusing on my mouth and my thirst, I also started to get hungry, that was definitely the eternal "Munchies" faze.

Our memory is one of a lot of things that keep us from getting Enlightened. It gives us the perception of time which replaces the real "eternity". But at the same time, it's also what can help us keep going deeper, or keep transcending us in levels of awareness. Memory helps us recall our previous sense of awareness and compare it to how it is now, from that, we become aware of the shift in awareness which then will help you transcend in awareness even more.

Note that my grammar is starting to weaken because as I was writing this, everything is starting to feel like how I was at the God head. It all feels like a dream right now and time feels slower again. I was hoping I'd be writing all of this sober but I guess this is fine too.

Deeper in, everything I was imagining became real. My imagination was reality at this point. I was in control of my imagination but at the same time, what I kept on imagining was my life. As if this is what I wanted to imagine, my human life story.

Me and the ego are one. Helping each other go through this whole journey. I created the ego and yet the ego is also me.

At some point, it felt like the whole Solar system could be around my head, that's how gigantic I felt.

Your knowledge/perspective in the Physical can manifest into the Higher state, and at the same time, your knowledge/perspective of the Higher state can manifest into the Physical. They manifest each other infinitely, in a loop.

I apologize for my inconsistency of vocabulary. Ex. Higher state/Stoned/High state/God head. Physical/Lower state. I'm sorta just picking words that seem similar to me at the moment and my memory is fading away a bit.

Everything is a dream. Once this high is over, everything I experienced will feel like a dream. Just as how when I'm at this High state, everything that I know/remember from the Low state also feels like a dream. It's an infinite loop of dreaming and waking up. Sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up. And I'm okay with either state right now because this High state feels inevitable. Everything will always lead to how I am right now. But at the same time, how I am right now in this High state is always happening in real life, but I've been lacking awareness to see it. (Note I'm saying 'how I am right now' because how I felt when I was High and how I'm feeling right now while typing this is the same (but in a sort of lower extremity). I feel so out of my body.)

In this state, you have control of whether or not you want to keep going and going. You also have the choice of feeling this way forever. What's important in the end is if you buy into any beliefs of self-doubt. If you buy into them, that's when you will start to believe you have no power and that you don't have control. And trust me, it can be tough but also at the same time, extremely easy (you can choose to believe that it's easy or not) to keep believing in your power/control. 

The paranoia I was experiencing was a different variant of self-doubt. To make me scared of going any deeper. The consequences that you will start thinking of from the paranoia are real... but they're only real if you accept them to be real.

Near the end, everything felt so slow that it felt like an eternity before I can make a sound with my mouth to make up words.

Your imagination is the limit and imagination has no limit.

The deeper and deeper I went, it felt like I was speaking a different language. As if there was an extreme intelligence auto-translating for me. Translating the infinite intelligence's knowledge down to my Lower self. There's also a loop happening within this auto-translation.

The ego is what keeps us from enlightenment but at the same time, it's what can help you stay in this High state. The ego can be helpful but also unhelpful. It's also neither, it just is what it is.

It feels like I'm in a dream. I'm just witnessing my life.

At some point, I started to understand how Leo is me and I'm Leo. It felt like everything I was saying and thinking, Leo has stumbled upon before. It was as if I hit the gold mine Leo was trying to make everyone see.

Enlightenment feels... numb. Like enlightenment doesn't matter at this High state. Our ideas of Enlightenment in the low state are NOTHING like how it actually is in this state. You can't possibly know what it really is like right now in this High state. You have to be in the High state to actually know and fully understand what I'm trying to say in this paragraph.

I think, there for I am. That sentence is starting to have a transcended meaning now.

Awareness can infinitely transcend itself forever, in a loop of transcending.

I started to understand why people say that when you're enlightened enough, you'll start to see the world as Divine. You see all its infinity, all it's possibility, all it's loopness, all its eternity. You see all of that in everything you see. I saw it on my window curtains, my walls, everything that I saw.

I start to see myself creating my reality, my life story in real time.

In the recording, I had long moments of being quiet and just smiling near the end. I was just embracing everything I was seeing, thinking, imagining. Just watching and appreciating it all.

I could feel meta become more meta and becoming even more meta, transcending its own meta to become even more meta. Breaking through all the 4th walls (references for TV shows showing behind the scenes things).

Science can never explain reality. It can use reality's coding to manipulate it and create things with the code but they never explain or fully understand it.

Possible Delusions:

The reason why stoners or hippies move so slow from our eyes is because they're bringing the experience of slow time or slow motion while being high into the Physical world. They got so used to the slow movement that they are now manifesting that into the Physical.

The people who are fidgety, itchy, their voices are scratchy, etc., after or even during the High, they are losing touch of how the Physical world is like. They forget how strange they would look from the Physical perspective. They need to remember how it feels to be in the Physical and manifest that feeling into the higher state so you that they can stay grounded.

The reason why people get the munchies or, for me, get thirsty while being stoned is because they became aware of their taste/mouth. To them, in the High/Stoned state, it's felt like an eternity since they had anything in their mouth to eat or drink. So then, they start feeling hungry or thirsty. It's an eternal thirst and eternal munchies.

The reason why some people become very deluded when they get to this point or maybe even beyond this point is because they've completely deluded themselves with their Godness. They didn't realize or they forgot how powerful God is at making it self believe everything he says. So, every belief they ever had or even just made up while at the God head state, they started to believe as true and the reason why they have to be true is because they are God. Like I've said before, you need to come back to the Physical every once in a while to keep yourself grounded and not delude yourself of your Godness.

Things that I believe helped me go deeper and deeper:

Remember and understand that in this state, you are GOD. Meaning you DO have the choice to be in control of what you want in this state, there'll be a lot of times when you will believe that it won't be possible and you will start doubting yourself. Know that you DO have control.

Remember that even though you are GOD, you can still delude yourself at this point with your Godly deluding powers. That's a little lesson in trickery.

Understand that the percentage of a possibility doesn't matter here. Whether it's 1% or .000001%, it's still possible. Everything here has an infinite probability of happening. It's the possibility of what seems impossible that's allowing every possibility to be possible.

Good recognition of anything that's changed. If you can easily be aware of any shift in your perception or awareness, that'll help you transcend in awareness even more. So I guess, just good awareness in general.

Faith/Trust in yourself.

If you there's anything I want you to take from this it's that you need to fully understand that you are GOD. GOD can choose to have control or not have control. CHOOSE TO BE IN CONTROL. CHOOSE TO BE INFINITELY IN CONTROL.

Quick honesty note, I'm having some paranoia or worries that everything I wrote down here are deluded and false as shit. Gotta have faith...