Can barely remember life before my breakthrough

[ThomasT]

I have noticed this many times since my breakthrough dose of 5-Meo in january, but Leo's blog post put my attention on it once more:

I really struggle to remember what life was like before this trip. (Before i started tripping especially)

It's hard to get in touch with what my consciousness was like back then. Which is the level of most of my culture at the moment.

I don't want to around and take for granted that people are at my LOC. It causes misunderstandings and disconnection. But remembering what their LOC feels like, is hard. And therefore relating to them is hard.

By all means, I'm not super developed. But moving past my friends and relatives relatively quickly.

Thoughts? 

[mandyjw]

This is a challenge we all go through but it can become quite a trap. In fact from one perspective people who aren't as developed spiritually are the easiest to get along with.  

Everyone no matter what their level of spiritual development brings something different to appreciate and resonate with. I've always believed that every single person is higher developed or aware of some aspect of life that we aren't. It's a really useful skill to develop how good you are at teasing out what that is. 

The universe is a mirror, if we aren't excited about an interaction then it will bore us but if we go in open minded and curious you never know what will happen. You don't have to remember what life was like, just be open to the present experience. 

[Nahm]

@ThomasT If you’re ‘sizing people up’, seeing ‘individuals levels of consciousness’, you have a much longer way to go than you are thinking. You are not “moving past” anyone. This is a trap. A deep delusion. You’re missing the deliciousness, the miracle, the magic - the point (loosely said).

[WelcometoReality]

@ThomasT If you feel disconnected to them you might want to practice mindful conmunication. 

 

[Yog]

In 10 years you will also forget who you were now.
In 20 years you will forget who you were 10 years from now.
just as you have forgotten how it is to be a 7 year old, just vague snapshots.

It is because you are a river of change and you wont stop.
Its best to get accustomed to this eternal change, not to attach yourself to past or future identities.
Flow gracefully, flow in the now, act there, it is there that you exist.
Plan for the future, learn from the past, but do not live there.
You are where you are now.

Also know that there is a somewhat static element. Its what Jung would call the Self.
It is the constant in the river of change.
 

[ThomasT]

Thank you everyone!

I don't find less spiritually developed people easier to get along with, quite the opposite really.

As for me "sizing people up", i think i worded myself poorly. My point is that it is harder to relate to people who haven't done any of this work, because i forget how that state is like. Much like the what the last comment here points out. 

Thanks ?

 

[OBEler]

@ThomasT Even if you cannot remember the old stage, do you miss it? 

I am still afraid of a breakthrough experience where my ego dies because I dont know if I like this big change after this. If it is worth or if I will struggle for the rest of my life to get over this

[Maya_0]

I feel the same. My life seems like a blur before I started walking up.

Relating to people who are not introspective is challenging even if do remember what your past state of consciousness was like.

[ThomasT]

On 8/25/2019 at 8:03 PM, OBEler said:

@ThomasT Even if you cannot remember the old stage, do you miss it? 

I am still afraid of a breakthrough experience where my ego dies because I dont know if I like this big change after this. If it is worth or if I will struggle for the rest of my life to get over this

 No, it's better on the "other side". 

The problem is that the ego comes back, you come back, after a breakthrough. And the all sorts of neurotic stuff happens.

I am guessing I will struggle with this half-pregnant state of spirituality until i go all the way.

On 8/25/2019 at 8:47 PM, Maya_0 said:

I feel the same. My life seems like a blur before I started walking up.

Relating to people who are not introspective is challenging even if do remember what your past state of consciousness was like.

Blur is a good word for this. 

[Cocolove]

tl dr 

I have noticed what you described. My mode of being was radically different before. 

I have also noticed that this has always been the case. For about 6 years, I have noticed that I could not recall at all how I experienced reality a couple years before. I think this has to do with me being 17 and still developing. It's hard to tell if the most recent change is from spirituality or growing up.

How old are you? this could be your case

[Nahm]

@ThomasT What do your daily practices and studies look like? 

[Inliytened1]

58 minutes ago, ThomasT said:

 No, it's better on the "other side". 

The problem is that the ego comes back, you come back, after a breakthrough. And the all sorts of neurotic stuff happens.

I am guessing I will struggle with this half-pregnant state of spirituality until i go all the way.

 

Does your ego come back changed even if slightly?

What have you become conscious of through your breakthroughs?

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Ultimately you are alone in the universe in the absolute sense, so I think it will be helpful for you to reframe your concern of “not connecting with people” into using your new elevated consciousness to display as much love as you can to those other people who may not understand or have experienced certain spiritual things you have. Or have they? Thats also an unknown sometimes. 

So just show love and people will be attracted toward you, and if they hate you because of that you accept it, still show love, and realize only you control your internal state of happiness.

hope that helps, coming from someone who has not done 5meo but wants to and respects the courage of even doing it 

[ThomasT]

2 hours ago, Cocolove said:

tl dr 

I have noticed what you described. My mode of being was radically different before. 

I have also noticed that this has always been the case. For about 6 years, I have noticed that I could not recall at all how I experienced reality a couple years before. I think this has to do with me being 17 and still developing. It's hard to tell if the most recent change is from spirituality or growing up.

How old are you? this could be your case

19, two weeks away from 20. Started watching leo about 4 years ago.

 

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@ThomasT What do your daily practices and studies look like? 

I did a bit of meditation, mushrooms and 5-MeO and decided to fix my basic needs before pulling the trigger on the spiritual stuff. So just basic noticing and letting go like Leo talked about in his recent video.

I keep up with Leos content.

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

Does your ego come back changed even if slightly?

What have you become conscious of through your breakthroughs?

Hmm, things have changed, but not in the way i initially hoped. I hoped to do toad and the be free of both suffering and seeking and be enlightened. But this is not the case, i really just saw how much work needs to be done and decided to put spirituality on hold, as mentioned previously.

I fully 100% died and came back seven times. I saw the creation-machine and recognized it as myself. Now, this recognition came after several trips to the afterlife with absolute no sensations. this creation machine was not a sensory or visual thing, but manifested itself after death. 

this all "took place" nowhere, so I felt what nowhere is. Space is not fundamental, you can strip space away.

Now the difficult part is integrating this back into daily life. And collapsing the duality of both sides of death is still out my understanding.

Looking forward to becoming 100% financially independent and being able to devote proper time and money into this project.

24 minutes ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

Ultimately you are alone in the universe in the absolute sense, so I think it will be helpful for you to reframe your concern of “not connecting with people” into using your new elevated consciousness to display as much love as you can to those other people who may not understand or have experienced certain spiritual things you have. Or have they? Thats also an unknown sometimes. 

So just show love and people will be attracted toward you, and if they hate you because of that you accept it, still show love, and realize only you control your internal state of happiness.

hope that helps, coming from someone who has not done 5meo but wants to and respects the courage of even doing it 

I do this to the best of my ability. I noticed lately that it's been too much and i feel drained and kinda burnt out.

They definetely haven't experienced the same things.

Unless they are messing about in some sick Truman show kind of way. Which I am starting to suspect more and more! Because I am everyone haha

 

[Inliytened1]

@ThomasT One of the biggest (because it is usually the first, and was for me) is to realize that you are the nowhere - you are the container

That's awesome about making yourself financially independent to focus on this.  There is nothing bigger.  Good luck on your path.

Edited August 26, 2019 by Inliytened1

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

28 minutes ago, ThomasT said:

19, two weeks away from 20. Started watching leo about 4 years ago.

 

I did a bit of meditation, mushrooms and 5-MeO and decided to fix my basic needs before pulling the trigger on the spiritual stuff. So just basic noticing and letting go like Leo talked about in his recent video.

I keep up with Leos content.

Hmm, things have changed, but not in the way i initially hoped. I hoped to do toad and the be free of both suffering and seeking and be enlightened. But this is not the case, i really just saw how much work needs to be done and decided to put spirituality on hold, as mentioned previously.

I fully 100% died and came back seven times. I saw the creation-machine and recognized it as myself. Now, this recognition came after several trips to the afterlife with absolute no sensations. this creation machine was not a sensory or visual thing, but manifested itself after death. 

this all "took place" nowhere, so I felt what nowhere is. Space is not fundamental, you can strip space away.

Now the difficult part is integrating this back into daily life. And collapsing the duality of both sides of death is still out my understanding.

Looking forward to becoming 100% financially independent and being able to devote proper time and money into this project.

I do this to the best of my ability. I noticed lately that it's been too much and i feel drained and kinda burnt out.

They definetely haven't experienced the same things.

Unless they are messing about in some sick Truman show kind of way. Which I am starting to suspect more and more! Because I am everyone haha

 

Why do you think, or what specifically do you think is making you feel drained or burnt out?

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, ThomasT said:

I did a bit of meditation, mushrooms and 5-MeO and decided to fix my basic needs before pulling the trigger on the spiritual stuff. So just basic noticing and letting go like Leo talked about in his recent video.

The “spiritual stuff” is a write off, and it’s where the maturity & understanding comes in. We are sneaky creatures man. Gotta keep the intellect in tandem, not rogue. 

[ThomasT]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

The “spiritual stuff” is a write off, and it’s where the maturity & understanding comes in. We are sneaky creatures man. Gotta keep the intellect in tandem, not rogue. 

What  do you mean? I'm by no means discarding spirituality. I am aware that a pitfall is postponing the inner work forever and never realizing it.

 

8 hours ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

Why do you think, or what specifically do you think is making you feel drained or burnt out?

Trying to do a lot of things at once. Feeling overwhelmed. 

 

8 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@ThomasT One of the biggest (because it is usually the first, and was for me) is to realize that you are the nowhere - you are the container

That's awesome about making yourself financially independent to focus on this.  There is nothing bigger.  Good luck on your path.

Thank you! 

Sorry for this: don't know how to remove it. I heard you can't?

8 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@ThomasT

 

8 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@ThomasT

 

11 hours ago, Cocolove said:

 

 

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

@ThomasT

 

10 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

 

 

9 hours ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

 

 

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, ThomasT said:

What  do you mean? I'm by no means discarding spirituality. I am aware that a pitfall is postponing the inner work forever and never realizing it.

Are you aware of how it relates to the content in this post?

[Inliytened1]

@ThomasT click and hold on the quote box then click select all - then click delete..that usually works for me on my phone.