LSD Trip #3 225µg: Love is the key!

[Calmness]

08-22-2019

After my first trips were not that strong I decided to up the dose by quiet a bit and it was definitely worth it!

The setting was at home locked into my room.

My intention for this trip was: How can I let go completely of my social anxiety. I also watched Leo's video "The Power Of Asking Questions" the evening before. My trip definitely profited a lot from watching that video before. 

This time I did a SDS meditation from 11:00 - 12:00 to calm my mind. So I took the 225µg at 13:50. After sitting for a couple minutes I  then laid down and listened to Leo's guided meditation. After a couple minutes I really felt the come up anxiety. Previously I was never sure if it was caused by the LSD or by me knowing that I took it but this time I was sure it was caused by the LSD. This meditation really helped me to calm down a bit but at the end it was hard to concentrate.

After I stood up at 14:37 I was suddenly freezing. I could feel that my room was not but I felt cold anyways I was shivering and shaking. I was absolutely surprised by how fast my come up was because previously it took like at least 2h to feel something. At this point I was sure that this is gonna be a wild ride. I had to put on a lot of clothes to not shiver a lot. At the end I was wearing a undershirt,  T-Shirt, Cardigan,  a very warm ski jacket and a blanket. With that I only had minor shivering in my jaw and my hands and I did not feel very cold anymore.

So I sit down and was thinking if someone would see me like that they would probably think I lost my mind (29°C outside). With every inhale I could feel how I was shaking from the energy that entered my body through my nose. It was really crazy not even one hour in and I already feel strong effects. The energy was going from my nose under my eyes to my lungs. It felt like I with every inhale a spirit wit a lot of energy entered my body.

At that point I said to myself that whatever happens is necessary and that I will completely accept whatever is going to  happen. I also reminded myself of my intention and I wrote it down to increase my focus of it. At that point I started contemplating my intention. When is my social anxiety it very obstructive? How can  I overcome it? I concrete my question more and more.

At 15:45 I could feel my heart chakra and it did not feel good. It felt pretty sick. I could feel that with every inhale the energy got into my heart chakra and at every exhale it felt sick again. I got the insight I could overcome my social anxiety if I replace anxiety with love. At that point I got into a intense contemplation phase. I could feel my connection with a higher energy and most questions could be easily answered.  I wrote down some questions and some answers. Often I could just feel the answer but it was hard to write it down. I felt like a detective. Some examples:

How can I feel love completely?

How can I accept everything 100%?

How can I give myself even more love? A: Forgive everything.

It is hard to ask some questions really openly because I am scared of the answer.

I noticed how strong the power of visualization is.

At around 17:45 I got kind of disconnected with myself. I felt like an outside power controlling my body. At that point I did not really identify with my body. So it felt wired to answer questions with "I". I always wanted instead to  write down "that person" instead of "I" but i reminded myself always to write down "I". I also contemplated further questions like:

Lack of self esteem is a problem. Solution: More self esteem by accepting things like they are and not how I think they should be.

Accepting love.

If I am not authentically interested in myself how can I be authentically interested in others?

How can love and accept myself completely?

Why can't I get those insights in my normal live? Answer: I am not enough honest with myself.

The secret is to realize that there is infinite love and I just have to allow myself to absorb it.

At that time my vision was pretty much normal I just felt like a lot more distanced and I felt like I am not the person but the force that controls the person. I felt like I had the ability to create and influence things through willpower and visualization as long as it conforms with the will of god. So I created a infinite source of love. It was a white ring with about 20 cm diameter and it was black inside. Out of the ring there are raining down black square shaped "papers". It looked like papers but it was love that was raining down. It was in like 50 cm distance above my left eye and I could feel inhaling the love and I could feel the healing effect. Other than that my vision was normal.  I really tried to give myself as much love as possible because I felt from the outside perspective that it was really necessary and that this is the only way that I could be a strong tool of god and pass the love to others. For that reason I also blessed myself to be more able to receive love. This sounds probably crazy but i was so in the outside perspective that I felt I had the power because it is the will of god. I could do so because I had still a strong connection to "that person" also me and also to god.

I also contemplated more questions:

To be honest with myself is the key because only than I can realize what I actually want.

How do I want myself to feel?

How can I stay in contact with the source on infinite love?

Is it a form of self limitation if someone thinks a therapist is needed?

Is tripping in sitting position a good idea? Answer: It is advantageous to  trip in sitting position because in this position I do not feel as a victim.

Self-love is the goal. It is the only way to bring more love into the world.

Is self-love selfish?

What is the difference between selfishness and selflessness?

Is it a problem to be selfish?

I realized how important it is to love even my enemies. Only than i am able to boundless self-love. Hate is holding me back. It is way worse than anything anyone has ever done to me.

You can only be 100% happy if you love everything.

What is love?

How can I increase my capacity to love myself?

Why can't I get those realizations through meditation?

How can those realizations become permanent for me?

What do I really want? Answer: That everyone realizes love like I do right now.

The answer to that last  question took me around 10s and was really surprising to me (I was for a second resisting). It felt very cathartic I had to cry some big tears.

21:17

I feel like the peak is over. I am kind of back in my body. I feel innocent. The infinite source of love is not visible anymore. Every inhale is still pumping a lot of energy in my body especially if I concentrate on it. Not as much as before but still a lot. I continued to keep feeling in the present moment and to think of the trip. I do this until 0:45

I go to bed at around 1:45 and I could still feel a lot of energy coming in through my breath. This stayed until the end of the next day and I can today still get some of the effect if I concentrate on it and I inhale through the nose.

I can know really see the power of strong concentration and visualization. I am way more motivated to improve my concentration ability and to try out visualization in my normal life.

At the second day after my trip as I woke up I could really feel a lot of unpleasant feelings being back in my body. During my 2h  SDS meditation this day I could release a lot if this feelings by really concentrating on them and feeling as deep as possible in every unpleasant feeling (Sedona Method). I had than often to yawn and to cry and I could release through that my emotions. I felt since than a lot calmer and at peace with myself. I continue to use this method if unpleasant feelings come up.

 

Questions:

I would also like to know more about love and thought about watching Leo's video about it. My only concern is that I would develop like a bias and than I am not sure if what I will experience is influenced by what I expect to happen. Input to that question would be highly appreciated.

I also would appreciate a recommendation for my next dose. The trip was amazing and the only scary thing was at the beginning because the onset was way faster than previously  . I did not have any big change in my vision other than the imagined infinite source of love an during the peak objects seemed to be in a farther distance. If I wanted to read something it was blurry like my eyes are unfocused but if I focused them I could read without a problem.

Has someone also experience with strong visualizations during a trip?

Edited August 22, 2019 by Calmness