how to decrease neuroticism

[Mezanti]

so i'm pretty sure i have an overactive amygdala (animal part of the brain) and i often find myself, stressed, fearful, and angry.

i would like to solve this problem is im not able to make progress in my life because i simply am either too scared, stressed, or angry to do anything meaningful.

 

how should i approach to kill of my neurosis, I dont want to become enlightened, because enlightenment is transcendance, and that can only occur when you're able to step out of yourself, and im just too emotionally fearful to be able to do that.

so give me some exercises, something.. anything..

would love @Leo Gura's take

[poimandres]

Therapy. Psychotherapy is so good for people but it's highly stigmatized. 

Next step, get a journal and make note of when you feel stressed/anxious/angry/whatever and why. After a while you will have a list of what your triggers are. This is the list to work on. Then you will notice a pattern (root cause) and potentially a correlation to a childhood experience of why you are the way you are. This is essentially the foundation of psychotherapy. Then it's a matter of "ok, my boss gave me a new project, I'm anxious, why? Because my dad never made me feel like I'm adequate enough." You write this down, the next step is how to reverse it.

Having a therapist will help to reverse that line of thinking and give you confidence in this example. Or you could force yourself to start believing you are adequate enough. Again, just a made up example.

Edited August 21, 2019 by poimandres

[Harikrishnan]

How long have u been doing self actualization? Why i asked is i had all this things 3 yrs back looking back now even though it hasnt fully removed but 90% is gone. You have to meditate, (mindfulness) and journal. Attend vipassana retreats. I recently started psychedelics and from my exp it will grow u 100% more if u are good with meditation.

[Dan502]

Make sure your diet, relationships, work or study routines and living environment are serving you well. The therapy should help with this too.

[Deepconcepts]

This sounds counter intuitive, but in my experience. I got a job, a stressful one at that, one that forces me to be social and always on my toes. It helps to be forced to be the things in which I'm not, then in time i can become it and noticed I wasn't so neurotic after all and have no energy to waste on negative thought patterns.

[Commodent]

Note that this question is itself neurotic. Wanting to get rid of stress, fear and anger is neurotic, as it is a direct conflict with what is. There is absolutely nothing you can do to get rid of neuroticism, as trying to do so is itself neurotic.

Stop distracting yourself and let the dust settle. That might help. Might.

[lmfao]

@Mezanti yoga, meditation, self inquiry, psychedelics, therapy, exercise, spending time outdoors.

Edited August 21, 2019 by lmfao

[Mezanti]

@Commodent i think im just recognizing an issue, that i want to resolve. like recognizing you suck with girls, then going out to change it through pickup or idk whatever.

[Rigel]

All your problems stem from misunderstandings of some sort. Sit down alone in an empty room and question your fears until you hit rock bottom. Meditation is sooooooo powerful.

Awareness is key. Don't judge yourself for having those problems. Have the genuine intent to understand why you feel and behave the way that you do.

[Commodent]

3 minutes ago, Mezanti said:

i think im just recognizing an issue, that i want to resolve

This is really the key mechanism of neuroticism. The non-neurotic way would be to simply focus more on the things that you want more of.

[Bill W]

Albert Ellis and his approach. 

[Aeris]

the good question is,

who isn't neurotic ?

from whom perspective ? degree, scale ?

give me my scale ladder for neuroticism, you all perfectly fine.

All potential psychopath, confirmed sociopath and ambivert when the sunshine is good

[studentofthegame]

If you are triggering your sympathetic nervous system and are in fight or flight with all the related anxieties and stresses, then you need to trigger the parasympathetic nervous system and return to homeostasis.

Regular intensive exercise that you enjoy is a safe release for stress hormones that build up in the body. Prioritising sleep and eating well is also important. You need to get these areas under control and then explore therapeutic approaches.

[studentofthegame]

14 hours ago, Commodent said:

Note that this question is itself neurotic. Wanting to get rid of stress, fear and anger is neurotic, as it is a direct conflict with what is. There is absolutely nothing you can do to get rid of neuroticism, as trying to do so is itself neurotic.

Stop distracting yourself and let the dust settle. That might help. Might.

This is interesting. Once we’ve accepted the neuroses, what do we then do to help ourselves?

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame The thing about neuroticism is that it can't really be willed out of existence through neurotic means. If you can access a non-neurotic state of mind you might be able to heal it that way, or you might invite its dissolution by doing calming things that deprives the neuroticism. That is, activities that in your mind gets you nowhere. However, if you now do such things with the intention of getting rid of neuroticism you are back where you started. So it's a kind off catch-22.

[loub]

@Mezanti  Most people here seem to suggest an introspective approach, and of course it might be worthwhile to try and grab the problem by the root. Claiming it is the only way of overcoming neurosis is to think of a clear causality of cause (deeper problem) and effect (manifestation as neurosis). Thinking like that will have you think that working on the effect is superficial and results in no true change.

I am of the opinion that a human's psyche is way to complex for direct cause and effect. Instead think of your neurosis as a strange loop between the deeper problem and the neurotic manifestation, having no true beginning or end and being ultimately groundless.
Changing the outward manifestation won't leave the root cause unchanged!

Let me tell you the story of how I got over a strong neurosis.

Due to some events in my early childhood I developed a shy bladder(being unable to pee in front of others) and internalized the belief that that meant there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
I'm almost a little ashamed to say that during quite some years of my early adolescent insecurity this became the most pressing issue of my life and had me terrified of anyone ever finding this out about me.
That neurosis completely warped my self-image in such a way that I always felt (not consciously) that there is something wrong with me that I need to hide at all costs. Until after a couple of years (and meditation) I got so fed up with it I just went to a pissoir to confront this fear. Literally the most scary place in the world I could find myself in. My heart started pounding, I started sweating and getting real nervous, my breath went short and it felt like dying. Of course I could not pee. In the midst of that after a few minutes I was able to collect myself enough to realize something profound: nobody there gave a rats ass about me. Truly liberating ^^
It took some more approaches but eventually I overcame this problem and now the pissoir seems only a little scary

That's my tip on how to overcome neurosis: confront it directly. Feel into your body while doing it and let whatever energetic happenings that might occur unfold. Realize that a neurosis by definition warps your perception and that you are likely not in real danger.

I hope my little story was of any help. Best of luck to you. Don't let anyone tell you that surface level change won't be real change. Neurosis is mostly in the body anyway, as far as that duality holds true.

You can do it!

Edited August 25, 2019 by loub

[Nivsch]

@Mezanti How are your relationships with family and friends?

Do you feel connected to them or like more seperate to them?

[Nivsch]

I agree with @Commodent

Surrender to the stress and negative feelings and toughts.

But not in a technically way, its not a technique. In an heart-based way. Tell yourself its OK that you feel this things. That is absolutely fine. Its just the duality your mind has learned during life that make you feel its "negative". Because it learned that some content is "bad" and some content is "good" and it react to this. Its just false duality and NOT the truth! Play with it a little bit from time to time. Challenge your brain "who said this is bad?"

Love yourself and let other people support you too. Some dependence on others is healthy! We need to get unconditional love from ourselves and from others because it is a survivle condition we have in our genes.

That is the core and the base. 

Above this base - practice mindfulness technique every day for at least 15-30 minutes. During sitting/walking.

See friends and family for good amount of time during the day.

And also try to find what the toughts want go say to you. Explore them, but not obbsesively. Only be curious from time to time. Not too much.

Edited August 25, 2019 by Nivsch

[Mezanti]

@Nivsch i feel pretty connected, i would say the problem is not so much family originated.

[kag101]

On 8/21/2019 at 9:46 AM, Mezanti said:

approach to kill of my neurosis

Omg... you're being neurotic about neurosis... 

 

On 8/21/2019 at 0:38 PM, poimandres said:

Therapy. Psychotherapy is so good for people but it's highly stigmatized. 

I agree. Psychotherapy has helped me a lot in this area. The trick is finding a good therapist.