Cravings And Compulsions Help

[Kserkkj]

Hey guys, this has been a major impediment for most my life to get anything done, how can I develop the self-discipline and willpower to burn my compulsions to do something. Eg. When I find a new T.V series to watch, or a novel, video game, masturbation ... like i just can't diminish my cravings for it and binge on w/e thing that is. I saw Leo's addiction video, but this has gotten worse to the point where i'm having trouble sitting down meditating for even 20 minutes. I feel as if I can't get any work done whether at school or potentially enlightenment that i strive to reach if my compulsions are taking over. What should i do to overcome this?

[Telepresent]

Hello.  You know, there's an idea in SMART therapy (Self-Management And Recovery Training - designed to help people deal with addictions) that cravings work as follows*:

1) There is a trigger

2) That trigger leads to a wanting

3) The yearning turns into a CRAVING

4) You engage (drink, do drugs, whatever), which then reduces what is necessary to trigger the next cycle.

So, here's the difficult thing about this cycle: you can't reduce the craving.  You just can't.  What you can do, is learn to recognise triggers and avoid them, or learn to recognise when you are yearning, and distract yourself (or filter the yearning into something healthier/more constructive).  Or you can take the hardcore approach, and fight the craving.  Which is entirely possible.

The thing about a craving is that it feels like it will last FOREVER.

Most cravings last between 10 and 20 minutes.  The problem is that the blighters keep coming, which is where recognition of triggers (and working out ways to either remove them, or deal with them) comes in.

My advice would be to focus on the most basic thing first.  You are concerned about school: that should be your first priority right now.  Enlightenment will still be there (and you have a long life to focus on that), but school is temporary and should be taken advantage of.

Now, meditation is bloody hard - no denying that - but the more you do it, the better your focus will get, so keep going with that.

The other thing I would suggest, though, would be to connect meditation to your 'non-meditation' life.  In other words, don't restrict being mindful to your meditations.  I have found that the greatest value I get from mindfulness has been when I've been in the middle of a meeting or whatever, and suddenly remembered to watch!

But the only way you get there is through a conscious attempt at building a habit.

The most frustrating thing about all of this kind of work is that it takes time.  So we encounter it, get excited, think "yeah, ok, a little work and a little time, and big results!"... and then we learn what time really means.  But the most important phrase I have ever encountered is: "we over-estimate what we can do in one day, and under-estimate what we can do in one year."  The only real answer I can provide is Focus, and Do Not Stop

* Please note: I am not a SMART therapist or any sort of qualified spokesperson.  I just have a little knowledge

Edited May 28, 2016 by Telepresent
Correction

[Telepresent]

Also, the very most important thing: forgive yourself.  If you slip up, if you cave in, FORGIVE YOURSELF!  It is in the past, you can't do anything to change it, so allow it to be what happened, and look forwards, not backwards!

[charlie2dogs]

On 5/6/2016 at 9:35 PM, Kserkkj said:

Hey guys, this has been a major impediment for most my life to get anything done, how can I develop the self-discipline and willpower to burn my compulsions to do something. Eg. When I find a new T.V series to watch, or a novel, video game, masturbation ... like i just can't diminish my cravings for it and binge on w/e thing that is. I saw Leo's addiction video, but this has gotten worse to the point where i'm having trouble sitting down meditating for even 20 minutes. I feel as if I can't get any work done whether at school or potentially enlightenment that i strive to reach if my compulsions are taking over. What should i do to overcome this?

the change has to take place inside of you.  Many people who have created a lot of sickness and disease run to the doctor to get a cure, the doctor gives the patient a pill to treat a symptom, all the while the real problem isn't in the physical body,  the disease or illness began because of what was rooted in consciousness,  when you are dealing with symptoms there is never a cure, it just moves from one thing to another, to affect a cure one must do it in consciousness, the healing must take place there before one can be healed.   all sickness and disease is self created, just like the other problems that you are now trying to face,  you may be able to forced yourself to do something but it may come back in another form.  Get to know yourself better, the real part of you, and real change can begin to create something better.

[Ayla]

@Kserkkj ,

Think about a big forest that you have right behind your backyard. You always took the same path to go explore it. Not only it is your path of choice, but it is the only one that you know. Every time a trigger comes, you go on that path. 

Now you've come to a point where the deep love you have for yourself is starting to manifest. What I mean by that, is that if you wouldn't love yourself so deeply, you wouldn't even care about all these compulsions and would continue to go into them as a "default". Right? Well, take that love a step forward. Find ways to LOVE and accept the fact that you are adopting the only way that feels safe and secure for you, that you have so much care for yourself that you're not willing to put yourself through any step that would scare you even more. There is nothing to push away. Just notice it. Laugh at it. Look at it with curiosity and compassion. 

Look at these words: 

CURIOSITY & COMPASSION       vs.      WILL POWER & SUPPRESSION

which one feels more loving to you? 

Go step by step, no rush is needed. 

A thing you will notice just by looking into it, is that there is an internal feeling in your body (a tingling, a void, etc) that immediately tricks you into going into some pattern. It is an association you've made in time.

Example:

Body feels tingling in hands =>>>> mind thinks 'need to go do X'.

Is there any link between these two things in REALITY? No, you've made that up in time for your own protection. That link right there can only be broken through mindfulness and compassion.