Anger How To Let Go

[JessW]

Lately I've realized how much anger takes hold in my life. I get angry over the littlest things. I know it's the ego. I even think to myself when I'm so enraged with anger that my ego is winning, and this is what it wants. It wants me to be led by anger. I've tried it all. Meditation, breathing methods, praying, everything. It's very frustrating for me. I want to feel peace. Even when things truly upset you, I want to be able to feel peace and be in control of my emotions but it's very difficult for me. I just feel like my emotions overcome me so easily. How in the world do I let that go? How do I win over my ego. Does anyone else get like this? So hard to personally develope when my ego gets in the way so much. Advice? Thoughts? Ready to overcome my emotions and move forward to enlightenment. 

Jess

[Guest]

My two cents...

Personally, I've always tried to reflect on why anger or ego has beset me in a certain situation.  To get to the root of the problem, it always helps to step outside of your situation.
For example, let's say that you always get angry at the little things, like when someone cuts in front of you. Very often the case is that the need to control others is a big factor. "If I am acting a certain way, why can't others do the same?"...but logically this doesn't really apply. We cannot control others with our thoughts, nor tell them what to do. You will have to accept that somethings are just the way they are. There's often a flow to the things which we can and cannot control, and the only way is to ride it out. 
It's also helpful to notice that the only thing we CAN control is our own thoughts, not that of other people's actions...So in practically every situation, anger is a useless emotion.
I'm sure meditation would help with this, but in the end, it seems that meditation is just a means for achieving insight.

[Arthur M]

Don't let it go. Embrace it, laugh at it, realize that it is just a burst of emotions, that u must have alot pent up inside, that your bottle might be full and that's why now it is overflowing so much . 2 choices, empty that very same bottle and start over, or expand its volume infinitely so that no matter what life throws at you, you just stare at it, dust it off, smirk a bit and move on. The 1st choice would be attacking the root of the particular problem triggering your anger. This will work ...for a while that is. The other option would be accepting with open arms whatever it is that is bothering you and instead realize how feeble the human body is, contemplate your death, the shortness of a lifetime. You can die at any moment, this is not only a fact, it is an universal truth for any living being. With the small time you have , invest it in building a Jess that will be known not by her burst of fury but for leaving something useful for others who will live on. You know that feeling when you just wake up after taking a long nap? Your inner thought is just blank, you look dizzy but that's just because you are so calm? You just feel like" Hmm yea , ok sure, whatever" That's you mind after rest. after letting all your experiences sink and making room for more stuff in your life. What I imply is take it easy, get enough sleep and don't rush. We aren't wired to process too many things at once so find time to pamper yourself. Good luck Jess

Edited February 8, 2016 by Arthur M

[Keyblade Viking]

Two advises, first just like the above post be aware of it and learn to laugh at yourself as you observe what you do and eventually the mind will give up like a little child.

The second advice is a bit more brutal and I'm not sure if it's the best idea but if everything else fail try to be as mad as possible all the time and always exaggerate it and never hide it. Eventually you'll learn to just grow tired of it and flip the switch.

Personally I would only use the second option as a last resort because you will loose all your fake friends most likely but then again fake friends aren't all that good to have anyway right?

The comment above mine is really great though so try following his advises first

[Ramu]

I've had a problem letting go of anger too.  I felt like someone was trying to diminish me.  But then I realized it wasn't really me being diminished, but my ego.  Ever notice that you have a constant running commentary going on in your head?  If you can step back inside you realize your True Self is the witness of your bickering mind.  Just as you will discover as I did, I am not my emotions or thoughts.  I am the Witness of my emotions and thoughts.  You are too.  So don't identify WITH your anger.  Observe it as the Witness.  Observe how it feels and then let it pass.  Anger is essentially fear.  It's your egos fear of being diminished and destroyed.  Once you can move beyond ego and its attempts to make you identify your sense of self with things outside of you, you are free.

[Khin]

Try to understand things this way. Why do you get angry? Usually because things around you don't go the way you want. But if you had listened to Leo, you might already know that we do not have control over anything. The anger was triggered by external surroundings. You were moved by external situation. Knowing that you DO NOT have control over things, not even your body, you maybe able to have peace. You can't even stop your body from getting old, dying or getting angry, so how would you control everything thing else. So the way of letting the anger go is by stopping to control over things. Accept the situation and understand what you can do and what you can't do.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Khin

[jjer94]

18 hours ago, JessW said:

Lately I've realized how much anger takes hold in my life. I get angry over the littlest things. I know it's the ego. I even think to myself when I'm so enraged with anger that my ego is winning, and this is what it wants. It wants me to be led by anger. I've tried it all. Meditation, breathing methods, praying, everything. It's very frustrating for me. I want to feel peace. Even when things truly upset you, I want to be able to feel peace and be in control of my emotions but it's very difficult for me. I just feel like my emotions overcome me so easily. How in the world do I let that go? How do I win over my ego. Does anyone else get like this? So hard to personally develope when my ego gets in the way so much. Advice? Thoughts? Ready to overcome my emotions and move forward to enlightenment. 

Jess

Hey Jess,

What you're experiencing is resistance, also known as emotional pain. The most prevalent method of dealing with resistance is to search outward for relief, e.g. meditation, breathing methods, praying, having sex, eating ice cream, having people say "it's all okay," pity parties, playing video games, going on Facebook to rant; the list goes on and on. I'd like to dispense some bad news: that doesn't work, and that never did. All that distractions do is bury the emotion deeper and deeper, where it continues to stew in your gut. It only covers up the pain temporarily. Then what happens is that you become addicted to these things because you need to keep your emotions buried, you need to keep running, you can't face them...

Trying to get rid of resistance through distractions or agendas is like trying to punch a brick wall with your bare fist. It not only doesn't work, but it causes you more pain in the long run.

So then...what is there to do? You're not going to like what I have to say one bit, but here it is: you have to face the anger. Stop trying to control the situation by trying to get rid of the anger; you never had any control to begin with. Instead, let the anger flow through you. Let it all bubble up to the surface. Go on a rampage, punching pillows, screaming swears; do whatever you need to do. Release the dam you have on your anger. Want to be angry. And then, in the midst of it all, stop and ask yourself, "What is this emotion trying to accomplish?" Expose the self-agenda the emotion is trying to fulfill. It will be a very personal agenda, and you will have to dig deep. It will feel like a part of you is dying when you do this, but that's the nature of the beast. If you want to get rid of the boogeyman, you have to face the boogeyman, exposing your chest to it in total surrender. 

You can use this inquiry any time resistance pops up. Resistance is the lifeblood of ego. To try and get rid of the ego is just yet another agenda: ego trying to get rid of itself. Very unlikely. Instead, want the resistance to be there and understand its purpose. Once you understand the magic trick, it won't surprise you anymore. Be brave Jess.

Cheers,

JJ

[JevinR]

Channel it into something productive i.e Working out

[JessW]

Wow! Thank you all so much for this feedback! This is why this forum is such a magical tool to personal growth! It feels so amazing to be able to truly be honest and release the things I'm struggling with for all you to see! And no judgement! Just true honest opinions on how to overcome these things I'm dealing with. Truly, thank you all. I will definitely try to let the anger come and deal with it head on! I promise to get back to you on how that's working out in weeks to come so you all can see the progress I've made! Again, thank you! Beyond humbled to be apart of this amazing forum!!!  

Jess

[Saarah]

Anger was one of the first things I tried to deal with too when starting personal development

Thing about anger is, it's often a result of wanting to control things and wanting things to go a certain way

Whenever you find yourself being a control freak, you have to remember that everything that is happening just is, you have to accept reality,
and remember the only thing you can control is yourself not other people or situations

That's just something I always remember when I feel angry to stop myself from acting on my anger
and whenever I am acting on my anger - always remember to be mindful of what you're doing, just watch yourself, and learn from it

It's ok to feel angry, you just need to learn not to act on it in a way that can be destructive
 

[nima]

Do you believe somebody else is responsible for your failure?Do you think your dogmatic values about honesty or perfection are absolute truth? If so,you cant get rid of anger otherwise you are free of it. It is that simple !

[Time Traveler]

My recent experience with negative stuff.

After watching Leo's video about mindfulness I started to put to use in my everyday life and try to watch everything I do and feel, particularly things I am interested in me like anger, laziness, etc. 

When strong emotion (like anger) emerges, there is just a second before it overwhelms me where I can say: "Oh, looks like I'm getting angry ! Let's see how it feels !" And in a few moments anger disappears. I'd be glad if it lasted longer, so I could investigate closer, but OK, let's wait for the next time

[Ludwig]

On 9.2.2016 at 3:30 AM, jjer94 said:

Hey Jess,

What you're experiencing is resistance, also known as emotional pain. The most prevalent method of dealing with resistance is to search outward for relief, e.g. meditation, breathing methods, praying, having sex, eating ice cream, having people say "it's all okay," pity parties, playing video games, going on Facebook to rant; the list goes on and on. I'd like to dispense some bad news: that doesn't work, and that never did. All that distractions do is bury the emotion deeper and deeper, where it continues to stew in your gut. It only covers up the pain temporarily. Then what happens is that you become addicted to these things because you need to keep your emotions buried, you need to keep running, you can't face them...

Trying to get rid of resistance through distractions or agendas is like trying to punch a brick wall with your bare fist. It not only doesn't work, but it causes you more pain in the long run.

So then...what is there to do? You're not going to like what I have to say one bit, but here it is: you have to face the anger. Stop trying to control the situation by trying to get rid of the anger; you never had any control to begin with. Instead, let the anger flow through you. Let it all bubble up to the surface. Go on a rampage, punching pillows, screaming swears; do whatever you need to do. Release the dam you have on your anger. Want to be angry. And then, in the midst of it all, stop and ask yourself, "What is this emotion trying to accomplish?" Expose the self-agenda the emotion is trying to fulfill. It will be a very personal agenda, and you will have to dig deep. It will feel like a part of you is dying when you do this, but that's the nature of the beast. If you want to get rid of the boogeyman, you have to face the boogeyman, exposing your chest to it in total surrender. 

You can use this inquiry any time resistance pops up. Resistance is the lifeblood of ego. To try and get rid of the ego is just yet another agenda: ego trying to get rid of itself. Very unlikely. Instead, want the resistance to be there and understand its purpose. Once you understand the magic trick, it won't surprise you anymore. Be brave Jess.

Cheers,

JJ

That's great advice. I'd add that you look into your body where the anger is manifested. Is your jaw tight? Your neck? Look and feel where the anger is, after you worked through the mental talks and images of your anger. What you will find isn't "anger" because that's just a lable, but unnamable sensations that are the root of your symtoms. Then use body work and patient attention to give them space to release themselfes.

I hope this is helpfull to you.

[Pierre]

@JessW There's a belief at the root of your anger. The belief that things and people and yourself could be different. They couldn't. It's a hard pill to swallow but it's one that will unlock the gate to your spiritual journey.

As if you could unlock something with a pill...my metaphor is shitty, sorry !

[step1]

On ‎08‎/‎02‎/‎2016 at 7:30 AM, JessW said:

Lately I've realized how much anger takes hold in my life. I get angry over the littlest things. I know it's the ego. I even think to myself when I'm so enraged with anger that my ego is winning, and this is what it wants. It wants me to be led by anger. I've tried it all. Meditation, breathing methods, praying, everything. It's very frustrating for me. I want to feel peace. Even when things truly upset you, I want to be able to feel peace and be in control of my emotions but it's very difficult for me. I just feel like my emotions overcome me so easily. How in the world do I let that go? How do I win over my ego. Does anyone else get like this? So hard to personally develope when my ego gets in the way so much. Advice? Thoughts? Ready to overcome my emotions and move forward to enlightenment. 

Jess

Personally I found forgiving everyone and accepting what is very liberating.  I learnt this trick from reading Eckhart Tolle in the power of now.

[AlexB]

I also have anger problems, personally I erupt like a vulcano if the right buttons get pushed. I realise that anger is very low awareness and the only way is to look at your anger when you are angry and see what triggers it.. At the end you realise that it's you who is doing it.. Pretty hard to accept but true.

Don't get me wrong I still get angry but now I'm more mindfull of the internal proces, it's a day by day proces. Peace ✌ 

[Keri]

On 09/02/2016 at 7:42 PM, Ramu said:

I've had a problem letting go of anger too.  I felt like someone was trying to diminish me.  But then I realized it wasn't really me being diminished, but my ego.  Ever notice that you have a constant running commentary going on in your head?  If you can step back inside you realize your True Self is the witness of your bickering mind.  Just as you will discover as I did, I am not my emotions or thoughts.  I am the Witness of my emotions and thoughts.  You are too.  So don't identify WITH your anger.  Observe it as the Witness.  Observe how it feels and then let it pass.  Anger is essentially fear.  It's your egos fear of being diminished and destroyed.  Once you can move beyond ego and its attempts to make you identify your sense of self with things outside of you, you are free.

Thank You... 

[Galyna]

@JessW

Hey Jess, IMHO, you are angry because people and situation does not fit or hold your believes. You think that the world should be exactly how you want it to be. Look carefully and be very honest. Why do you get angry? Because you expect the Reality to be the certain way and IT IS NOT!!!

So the best way is to relax and let other people do their mistakes, let them to be as they REALLY ARE. Also pay close attention on people's intentions. Why they act certain way. Study yourself and people and you will see what lies beneath jealousy, hurt, anger and so on....

[Guest]

@JessW Hi Jess, 

I am not trying to make a diagnosis here, and certainly your anger might be caused by some physical / dietary problem.  But if you want to hear a psychological perspective then I can help with that.

The feeling I get from how you communicate your distress is that you may have low self esteem.

For the sake of brevity I'll make a generalisation and suggest that there are two types of anger.  One type is a healthy response to injustice, and the other type is "displaced" anger which is caused by psychological wounds from early years trauma: Abandonment, abuse, and neglect.

The anger you didn't express as a child growing up because it wasn't safe to really do so, you now express in adult life, but now it's aimed (presumably) at people who "upset" you, "push your buttons".

In your case I think it may be wise to think about your relationship with what you think of as your "ego".

In my opinion, you sound like you are trying to get away from ego and head toward enlightenment, which is a noble goal.  But the way you're describing this seems to indicate a propensity to run away from yourself rather than deal with yourself in a more holistic way.

A healthy way to resolve anger is to free your true Self to allow healthy natural grieving to occur.  To free your True Self you will have to engage in some "parts work".  

To illustrate parts work, I'll use an analogy: "the organisation".

Parts work is about becoming aware of and getting to know your sub-personalities that currently running your life (your "ego").  The ego is like a company.  It has many employees that all have specific roles.  Some of the employees are acting out extreme roles which are not really benefitting the company as a whole.  Imagine if you were in a company who didn't really have any harmony, didn't communicate, and didn't know who the "boss" was?  Just imagine for a moment what that would be like.

Everyone would just do as they pleased (well-intentioned of course!), but because they don't have a company policy, because they don't know their roles properly, because they have not received adequate training and because they have not even been introduced to the "CEO" of the company these parts are not in harmony.

An example: One part, the aggressor, may have taken charge of the grief role and now thinks the way to resolve anger is by being aggressive.

Obviously only you know what's going on for you! You will have to do the work yourself.

The point is not to try to defeat the ego.  The key is to work with it and get it working FOR you (your True Self)

The more you do part work, the less angry you will get because the less things will bother you, and the more conscious (enlightened) you will become.

If you resonate with this idea, and you think it's something worth trying I'll be happy to answer any questions you have, or point you to resources that can help you make sense of your anger and provide you with the appropriate tools to deal with it effectively.

I hope you find some relief soon.

Edited March 8, 2016 by Nomad

[werlight]

On February 9, 2016 at 1:07 AM, JessW said:

Wow! Thank you all so much for this feedback! This is why this forum is such a magical tool to personal growth! It feels so amazing to be able to truly be honest and release the things I'm struggling with for all you to see! And no judgement! Just true honest opinions on how to overcome these things I'm dealing with. Truly, thank you all. I will definitely try to let the anger come and deal with it head on! I promise to get back to you on how that's working out in weeks to come so you all can see the progress I've made! Again, thank you! Beyond humbled to be apart of this amazing forum!!!  

Jess

@JessW my advice is to follow @jjer94 s advice.

I also went through a emotional liberation process and I can tell you: my life was transformed.

Let me try to complement what jjer94 is saying..

All the emotions that are not expressed throughout our life are stored inside our mind and our body. These stored emotions become the main cause of our anxiety, stress, bad moods, intolerance, fear etc.

Thats what your anger is all about.

The only way to solve this problem is by letting your emotions out. The only way to do that is by expressing them.

This is the exact process: Next time you feel angry let the anger happen, dont judge it, and dont repress it. Scream, Yell or whatever you feel like doing.. Then say: I am angry, repeat it and yell it as many time as you feel you need to. (do this on your own, you dont need to make a scene or hurt anyone). If you feel like crying CRY, dont repress the emotions. Let them come out.

The deeper you go inside yourself the deeper you wil heal yourself. This is not a nice process. It hurts. But its the only way to let emotions out and heal yourself.

Believe me Ive been through this.  This works. And you will feel liberated after this happens.

Good luck !!