Anti self help

[Surfingthewave]

Being a self help obsessive for many years, I've slowly been able to unpick this paradigm through deep spiritual work. I'm at a place where self help feels illusory, a social construct and an industry which preys on people's sense of "lack". However I'm aware I've had to help my "self" to get to this point. The more I study and read the more I realise the problem is also how the solution is being marketed, that the self, alone, is something that needs to be helped. 

As I'm moving into a more non-dual way of living I'm more for critical thinking and questioning why we're so obsessed with the individual when it comes to helping "the self". I'm questioning the culture which helps to construct our problems: mental health, sexuality, religion, rules about beauty relationships, success etc. Rather than focusing so much on the self, how do we redefine this type of work so we question our social norms, context and culture rather than endlessly seeing fault in ourselves? 

[SFRL]

 

[Surfingthewave]

I like this vid, however very pacey, speedy like he's on something. 

I like the idea of improving skills, aptitudes and working on goals but is this not just self help? 

[Knock]

Self help is a response to society and not the other way around. 

It brings ideas of self-responsibility, self-love and consciousness, to those who would of never heard it in their ordinary lives.

Could you be where you are in development without self help?

Just because you can ride a bike now, doesn't mean training wheels are bad. Yes, training wheels are marketed at those that can't ride, who better could they help? 

Every industry preys on people's sense of lack. Self-help is one of the only industries that provides a solution to transcend that. 

But to be able to transcend the self, we need to of satisfied our lower needs. You can't teach a child calculus, before he has learnt algebra. 

Jim Carrey: "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of, so they can see that is not the answer."

As far as I know, self-help and spirituality are the only industry I know that cultivate this development and thus should be last to be criticized for its flaws.

[Knock]

I must apologize, I totally projected that pre-baked answer instead of actually addressing your question. 

10 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Rather than focusing so much on the self, how do we redefine this type of work so we question our social norms, context and culture rather than endlessly seeing fault in ourselves? 

We have to come to complete acceptance and understanding of culture for how it is. Instead of seeing fault in ourselves, we can have compassion for ourselves knowing that we are human and will always have and make faults, and that's okay. That's normal. In the same way, we need to look at society, as a collection of people doing their best for survival and making faults along the way.

I think the approach to questioning society has to come from really understanding the intent, the motivation behind its choices, and not so much on the choices and norms themselves. 

I would recommend you look into sociology and systems thinking, as this will address these broader and more nuanced areas.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Knock

[Surfingthewave]

@Knock

I think Jim Carrey has a point. You need to go through the self help process to know you don't actually need it (the industry itself). I think acceptance of society is dangerous actually, I think we need to turn self help on its head and realise we are a product of our social constructs, and as a product we have major problems and difficulties, rather than the individual. 

I agree we need to look at the motivation behind society's choices. What motivates capitalism, greed, male/female roles and how this leads to mental health problems etc. We need to look at how we have become a society obsessed with the individual, and the wider "gaze" (media) which projects the "fantasy" life we are all seeking.

I'm also aware that I haven't done any meditation for a while so this might come across a bit ranty. 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[hyruga]

I don't dislike self help. I am different from you or Jim Carrey. I feel I actually need self help because nobody actually teaches me communication or mindset skills. Reading or attending self help seminar reduces the time for learning and also helps me avoid a lot of potential setbacks.

[Surfingthewave]

@hyruga I don't dislike self help, I would probably be a quivering wreck without it. But my point is there appears to be too much emphasis on the individual in self help circles, rather than social constructs we are part of. This can feed the endless sense there is something missing rather than seeing the wood from the trees. Took me 10 years to get here, but hey, I'm no longer a quivering wreck. 

[d0ornokey]

@Surfingthewave maybe thats why leo promotes politics so much now 

[Surfingthewave]

@d0ornokey Yes maybe. It's a struggle to flip from the individual to a more POV worldview, I guess I've been wired that way a bit more.