Knowing when to give up on someone?

[assx95]

Context here is that i sent a text to someone i love (We know each other for 3+ years).  it was wild but yet acceptable. 

She's ignoring my text. This has happened to me in the past, to which i have reacted emotionally by getting angry, frustrated and even crying. Same girl. She does this sometimes, when i text her something a bit unconventional. It's not the text which is the problem though. 

All these other times, i would double text her, and would try to break the ice, after she gave me a silent treatment. We rarely meet, as she lives far away now. 
I have told her my feelings before, she hasn't reacted to that. Not that a no, and not a yes. 

This time though, i am a bit tired of all this. Not that i love her any less. But it looks futile. Every time, my ego or I, which is the same thing would emotionally react, this time, i can calmly sit back and say - She has rejected me. Indifference from someone you love is like death. I have contemplated about it before. It's like the universe has an unusual tendency to script tragedies. Whatever. 

MY question was: There's this popular saying- Don't quit. Don't give up until the very end. I mean, sure, She is worth every last sweat and blood drop. But the truth is, she has rejected me for the nth time. I would leave her alone this time, unless she gets back, and knowing her fully well, she won't. 

Edit: Isn't it my job as a man to keep pursuing for she won't, as a woman, especially when she hasn't directly said no. 

What do you think? 

Edited August 15, 2019 by assx95

[Western Buddha]

Hey man, 

Did you talk to her in person? or you just texted her?

From my experience it doesnt work with women, the more you chase her the less she wants you.
In this case she completely ignoring you so i think you should let go and move on with your life. dont text her dont call her dont ask about her and dont follow her on instegram.
This is the only way to let go from her.

[Paul92]

@assx95 

It's an interesting one.

How often do you see her these days? How often is rarely?

I'll be absolutely honest with you with what I think. It sounds to me that she really just doesn't see you as anything more than friends. I've had numerous similar experiences.

You could give it up. Depends how much you like this girl. Follow your heart, not your head. If you gave up, sure it will hurt at first. But it will get better. You'll probably meet someone else, as absurd as that might seem at this moment. But when you do, you'll probably be left thinking, "did I have to go through all that to get to this?".

Or you could change tactic, because this clearly isn't working. Go back to being her friend. Make it so she feels comfortable being around you and actually wants to hang out with you. Tell her you like her as a friend. Just make her feel comfortable and at ease. But pretend you aren't interested in anything more. See what happens then.

Wish you all the best. Nothing worse than loving someone more than the earth itself and the feeling not being reciprocated. But just carry on loving regardless.

[universe]

This is a non-issue.

When you like to text her, do it. If you dont like to, dont do it.

You are trying to come up with the perfect solution because you feel like you are loosing control and you crave that control like an addict craves cocain. But control is an illusion.

The same way you are in illusion about her control over your feelings. If she rejects you, ignores you or whatever, that doesnt mean that you are now unaccepted or unworthy. You decided that she can do that. But you could give yourself all the acceptance, worth and love that you ever need in your life and probably more. Its a decision

You see the way you come up to her, is from a position of need. Of taking something from her. Decide to give yourself love and communicate from a position of abundance.

 

[SFRL]

@assx95 it just ain't going to happen dude. 

[Gili Trawangan]

Let go of every outcome. From the very core of your being, let go!

[assx95]

@Paul92 @Western Buddha @universe @Gili Trawangan @SFRL

Wow. Five non-similar responses.  

Reading all your responses, 

Not reaching conclusions right now, and letting things be like they are, until either she replies or I really want to tell her something, seems like the thing to do. To let go of outcome as Gili said, counter-intuitively, is what i should work towards. Also, it took a while to realize that( although it sounds fucked up), but wanting her to reply to my text is needy. 

[Lubomir]

@assx95 Actually, they all gave you the same answer.

 

I think, that I can give you that too, but supported with my own experience with this.

 

I was chasing my current GF 4 years. It was 3 years of constant rejection. I loved her so fucking much that I would do anything for her, and we were really good friends in terms of understanding each other. She rejected me like... 20 times? Both throught text, but mostly personaly. We usually started talk about it when we got high or something (when I just couldnt pretend no more).

Last year was different...

I decided to let her go and focus on myself. "Do stuff that mens got to do". Not only that I realized that my love to her wasnt actually love, but only passion, passion to fuck her, be with her, own her. But I also realized that I got other options! She's not the only women in the world.

So, year past and we didnt see each other, nor text. She were at Erasmus and at the end of it, she started texting me. - She wanted my attention back.

"But girl, I'm not the same person you left."

We met after she came back, spend few nights together (drinking, talking, nothing more) and after that I realized that she chasing me, she wants me now. Now that I changed.

It was still hard, for both of us. But one night, when she offered me a place to stay for night (we were drinking and I couldnt get to my place) I just took her and went for a kiss. She was defensive for the first second, but then... haha...

Right now I'm with her and it's the most amazing 5 months in terms of relationship. We love each other purely.

BUT and it's a freaking big BUT,

don't dream about this and don't think that you will make it too. It's possible, yea, but only for those, who will do the work not for her, not for the relationship, not for the sex, BUT FOR YOURSELF.

Change yourself if you want her, she won't do that to you right now

 

[Lubomir]

Oh, so yeah. In other words, let her go...

[assx95]

@Keyhole @Lubomir Yeah. Not that i feel any better about it, but i'll focus on other things. 

[Lubomir]

@assx95 

3 hours ago, assx95 said:

Not that i feel any better about it

Darkness is necessary for findinf the light. 

[arina456]

I agree with all respondents. 
And I’ll add that when a person feels that you are ready to do everything for this person, this person is not interested in you. 
As soon as you move away, and this person loses you as a friend, you become desirable for this person, very often even romantically.
Inaccessibility is always desired.
Perhaps it's not your story. 
But I know a million cases when it happened like that.

[assx95]

@arina456 True story. It does happen like that. 

[Deepconcepts]

When you start feeling like you should give up on someone time and time again. That's a pretty clear sign to give up on them, just occupy yourself with better things than thinking and obsessing over people that frustrate you. Slowly you should eventually be independent of them. 

[K VIL]

drop this one.