Social Anxiety Question: Facial Expressions

[Rilles]

Hey! How do I stop reading negative/dislike into peoples facial expression? Whenever I see someone I almost always read their faces to see if they are negative towards me in any way or dont like me. Its very hard to be objective and to trust people when my mind is always tricking me? Anyone? 

[Bill W]

I don't have a clear answer to this my friend but it's good you are reflecting on this as I've been on the receiving end of people assuming things about my current state just based on facial expression. I'll also give you another more extreme example of this to help keep you open-minded (and I'm even guilty myself of assuming things based on facial expression even though I hate it when someone does it me!).... I am really self-conscious of my smile due to my teeth and also how I look when I'm smiling, so sometimes I don't smile a normal smile when people expect me to and they can interpret things from that, even though I'm smiling on the inside.

This was a particular problem for me when my social anxiety was at it's worst as I would try and relax around people who were laughing and smiling big smiles with nice teeth, while I was there half-smiling and looking tense. 

I know I need to fix this, perhaps it's part of my shadow. 

It's great you are reflecting on this. I'd also point out that I think some people too much significance to the importance of body language. I know it can bring meaning to things or show something about how you or the other person is feeling, but I think some people over analyse body language. Like many things, body language can simply be a bad habit, the original reason for the body language might be long-gone or partially gone, but the habit remains, if that makes sense. 

Example, someone's facial expression and/or body language might lead the other person to think "this person is extremely anxious, extremely angry or extremely irritated" when in reality the person is feeling "mildly irritated" or even not at all. 

A wrong interpretation can lead you to change your behaviour during the interaction which can lead to a change in the other persons behaviour who is reacting to your behaviour and before you know it the whole interaction is becoming something completely different to both people's initial intentions!

Can work in reverse too, someone with a nice facial expression and lovely body language might be fuming inside with how the interaction with you is going and you walk away thinking "that went well" because you attached too much meaning to body language/expression LOL. 

Food for thought? 

[JustThinkingAloud]

Some people might be just in a bad mood that has nothing to do with you. I still think that facial expression is important but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s you causing it. It’s still good to be careful when someone’s in a bad mood because they might let it out on you but you need more than a facial expression to know that they don’t like you. Most of the time you’ll never know. It is reasonably safe to be around people that are in a good mood and have a happy facial expression while interacting with you.

[DrewNows]

On 8/14/2019 at 1:07 AM, Rilles said:

Hey! How do I stop reading negative/dislike into peoples facial expression? Whenever I see someone I almost always read their faces to see if they are negative towards me in any way or dont like me. Its very hard to be objective and to trust people when my mind is always tricking me? Anyone? 

Root cause is fear. See through your fear and there will be no more problem. 

[DrewNows]

People act as our mirror, reinforcing our self construct (who we believe ourself to be). Operating from the self construct is the “safe place” to approach experience and interact but it is only as true as we make it. The veil of perception is only able to see itself. We see what we are / we are what we see unfortunately this is not always ‘what is’ in actuality 

Edited August 15, 2019 by DrewNows

[Rilles]

Thanks for all the replies!

[Nahm]

On 8/14/2019 at 2:07 AM, Rilles said:

Hey! How do I stop reading negative/dislike into peoples facial expression? Whenever I see someone I almost always read their faces to see if they are negative towards me in any way or dont like me. Its very hard to be objective and to trust people when my mind is always tricking me? Anyone? 

The problem with judging ourselves, is that it is based on the false concept of need. This doesn’t feel right, never settles, because it is not true. 

The manifestation of need, of self judgement, is the illusion projection upon others. An implication in perception that we are being judged. 

One way to avoid one’s own Goodness, is the attempt to derive it from what is perceived, to constantly make sure everyone else likes me.

Then I must be good. An “ I “ can be good. But you my friend, are Good.

A Light like you, ya, there’d be some hesitancy to let that bad boy shine. It’s powerful. It could change everything, and that can appear scary.

“It” is so sneaky. ( I )