I don't usually share my psychedelic experiences here, but what happened yesterday was so beyond anything I ever experienced that I a) want to share it with you, b) get some opinions on what exactly happened and c) show clearly to those who are not ready what can happen. 

PRE-TRIP
I built up to that trip for quite a while. I had my first real awakening experience on another LSD trip about a month ago which changed everything for me. I saw for the first time what I truly am. Basically it was the direct experience of oneness, God. It was beautiful and just beyond any description. Then there was a "downfall" - all my layers of trauma and conditioning rebuilt themselves in front of my eyes. This took hours. I "lost" the realization. I watched the process of separation happen and I had no chance to do anything about it. That was life changing. Since then I deepened my commitment to this path. I introduced myself to 5-Meo. I didn't breakthrough yet but it was deep nonetheless. For the last two weeks, I did at least one 2 hour meditation session (do nothing + self inquiry) a day, which got deeper and deeper over time. Also, I got back into one meal a day to detox my body through the prolonged fasts and a very clean diet. My commitment was (and still is) to purify body and soul so much that I can truly receive what psychedelics offer. And boy, did I receive yesterday...

So after waking up, I journaled as every morning, setting my intention for the trip: whatever happens, give yourself to it completely. Love it. Just let it happen. 
I prepared some snacks for later and dropped the acid. It should be noted that at that time I was on an 18 hour fast. Although I heard that it might be heavy on the body, I felt like going into the trip without eating anything beforehand. My mind was really clear and I wanted to keep that during the trip. I started my trip with a Rupert guided meditation, which I often do - it makes the upcome smooth and gets me into contemplation mode right from the start. 

COME-UP
After 30 minutes or so, the craziness began. I was accelerating in consciousness so quickly, I couldn't hold onto anything. Rupert gave nice little pointers here and there, but I couldn't really focus on anything. Time was already morphed beyond understanding. After the meditation ended, which was about an hour later, I moved from my couch to lie down on the floor in corpse pose. I investigated into my Being. I repeatedly moved into recognizing myself as awareness, deepening that sense of being without substance. Pretty quickly, things got crazy. It all started with my consciousness getting so... "direct" (?), so clear. that my body responded. Basically, there was an energy moving through me so intensely that it made me curl my spine without any control, so my butt was still on the floor, my chest pressed heavily towards the ceiling. This was after 90 minutes. 

PHASE ONE
Now begins the first "phase" of the whole process. For the next two hours or so, this happened over and over again: There was a light, a knowing, an awareness so damn bright that whenever I looked at it, whenever I allowed myself to be it, this energy would shoot through my body. It was pulling my spine up so heavily, sometimes my head was still on the floor, sometimes I was halfway in the air with a straight spine, my back muscles being stronger than I could ever imagine. Yes, exactly as in an exorcism. I was lying in that position sometimes for minutes. It felt like to work properly it needed my spine to be off the ground, because whenever I lay down again, I surrendered to it and BAM I was being pulled up again. Also, within these two hours, it felt like a pathway was forcefully cleared. I really don't know, but one of the few thoughts that came to me were "damn, is this a Kundalini thing?" Because after this energy fully entered me, a lot of stuff happened.
At this point, there was no mind doing any inquiry anymore. The only thing I did was letting myself die to the moment - whatever that means, I still have no idea. It was like taking the courage to LOOK. To not look away anymore. And everytime I did, an energy wave would hit me. So after this clearing happened, there was a new element introduced to the energetic pulls: Shaking. Damn... I am still in the "first phase" and the energetic waves happen and with them I shake intensely, sometimes my whole body tightening up. I wasn't doing any of it, the sense of control was long gone. I felt like this energy could break my bones EASILY. It was so intense. With these shakings, a process started to happen which unfolded over the next two hours or so. So bear in mind, I was already "doing" this for two hours and I thought that this was the peak and it would be over soon - no. 

PHASE TWO
So phase two started when emotions started puring out with the energetic purges. And it was always with a certain body part that a specific emotion was released. It felt like a cleansing from bottom to top. So it started with my legs shaking heavily, releasing traumas and beliefs connected to my sexual center. I experienced a lot of shame that was hiding there within me. I let it happen. At one point, a burst of incredible self-confidence about my sexuality was released. All feelings of not being good enough or feeling ashamed about my body were gone. It felt very healthy. I just let it happen. Then, it went on to my belly. This was very interesting. First, this area was shaking heavily and at one point I was presented with an emotion I havn't felt as long as I can remember: anger. I consider myself to be a loving, peaceful guy, but I always knew there's something deeply repressed in me, because I never feel angry. Yesterday, it was finally released. Oh boy.. We have a phrase in German, "teufelswild" which means "wild as the devil". And DAMN WAS I WILD. I was so angry, I could have destroyed a building, hurt someone badly. And instead of pulling away, I let it happen. It felt so good. And the feeling passed away as well. Then fear entered. It was the most limiting feeling of fear I ever felt. It was like the basic fear of a creature not wanting to die. The energy purges still happened of course. And I recognized intense tensions in my belly. I consciously allowed the tension to melt away, to make myself vulnerable. And the fear vanished. There was more going on in my chest/heart area, then my throat and finally my head. It's too much to put into here. I don't understand it myself. But every time, the specific body part would shake heavily during the energy purges and traumas and feelings were brought up. This was phase two. I'm now 5 hours into the trip and experienced 4 hours of this crazy purging. 

To clarify: I have and had no idea what was happening. What I know is that mentally I did not resist one bit and I did not put any effort into anything. As I intended, I just let it do its thing. Even while experiencing these intense emotions, my body tightening like it would burst my rib cage, and my face switching between a "help I'm dying" and a "have your way with me" expression, I did not struggle. I wasn't the body nor the mind. I was "it". And I watched myself purifying me of myself. That is, of the prison I was living in all my life. So it didn't feel wrong or terrible. In fact, it felt extremely freeing. It was like layers upon layers were lifted and I became ever more pure. I, that what i truly am I mean, this energy, was clearing all sense of otherness out of myself. That's what it felt like. I couldn't look away from myself being THAT. And so that simple recognition was doing the cleansing. At least that's what it felt like.

PHASE THREE
So after these 4 hours, my muscles being sore as hell and my blanket and pillow being soaked in sweat, I realized that I asked for this. And that the process is not over yet. Without a break, it just went on for three more hours. This is phase 3. This is when the peak subsided. And my ego was repeatedly trying to get a grip over its survival. Before there was any thought, i felt the ascending sense of being limited. It's hard to describe - it was this immense infinity suddenly being put into a cage. I decided that I don't want to fall asleep again. So I clearly looked: Who am I? Is this cage that starts entering really me? If not, why does it feel like that? I looked clearly and the second I saw the truth of it, another energy purge would hit me and the cage burst into pieces - I died into my Self. This happened over and over and over again. For three hours!! I really understood now that the ego itself is a strange loop within consciousness. That to die is really to live. I repeated this dying, being thrown back into illusion, dying etc. 

INSIGHTS
At some point though, I had to eat something and my energy levels were depleted. The mental cage started coming back completely this time. And I was fine with it. After eating, I inquired further. And I was wondering: Although i see it so clearly, why is this energetical structure always coming back? Literally the second I lay down on the floor after an energetic purge (which ALWAYS pulled my spine up the whole trip through by the way), it came back. At some point I saw that I can't kill it, because I'm still trying to do so from within the cage itself. That will never ever work. But if I am the one thinking to be the cage, how do I solve this "problem"? Because my innocence truly wants to be free. I realized it instantly: The last step can only be taken by grace, by love. So I entered my heart and loved the mental construct that was holding "me" as a prisoner. I didn't try to abandon it anymore. And that is what teachers like Matt Kahn say over and over again: You can't abandon the ego. Only love can do that. So to assist in that process, match the vibration of love, recognizing even the ego being a part of God and loving it for its infinite beauty. That does not mean to give in to the ego. It's to give up the illusion that there is someone who can pop the ego bubble. There isn't. What i saw clearly when in the loop of breaking out of ego and falling into it again is that the whole game I'm playing is like a pair of hands punching the air and slowly but surely disappearing, like a ghost. It's nothing! And I saw that I don't have to fight to "keep that insight". So for me, my path is a path of love now. More commited than ever before. I will keep meditating and I will keep inquiring. But I won't try to escape from anywhere, for I am always the undying. I let grace do the rest, for I am not in control.

QUESTIONS
If you really made it to the end, thank you so much for taking the time. I have some questions:
- Does anyone have a clue what might have happened there? I mean, it was energetic, that's for sure. But I'm not sure if maybe my Kundalini just cleared the way or if it actually awoke already? It's hard to tell when tripping balls, but the power of 2000 suns was bursting through my spine, so yeah, where do you draw the line? 
- I feel different. Something big has been released. And something has died. But what happened is so damn intense, I want to make sure to give my body the time to integrate that. Besides a proper nutrition, plenty of rest and maybe fasting, any tips for energetic integration? I'm really a newbie here.
- For those who are on the path and maybe start experimenting with psychedelics: Are you aware what power you are playing with? I say this only to let you know that this could happen to you. And I'm not sure many people would surrender that easily. Are you ready to get ripped apart for 7 hours straight? I'm not being an asshole here, but please be sure that you know what you're doing. Always start small. Respect your body. And don't fight. I can't imagine what would have happened if I would have fought this. Be aware that you're playing with fire!

I love you all <3